I'm NOT fat

[TheJollyPostmansWife]

Name change as about to give all details as too late to text friends for advice. Visiting DHs family today, out for lunch where I had a prawn salad. After I finished I reached over to nick a bit of my dds bread and as I did so My DHs grandmother piped up 'not watching your figure then?'. This is not the first time she has been rude about my weight and to be honest I am really pissed off. We see them very rarely and I don't think she has any right to make personal comments at all - last time she said something she suggested I would lose my looks and therefore my husband if I carried on the way I was. I don't think it's important as I don't think anyone should comment on others appearance but for context I go to the gym 3-5 times a week, walk the dog at least an hour every day and see a personal trainer weekly. I am five foot one, 9 stone 3 and size 8. I'm not normally so sensitive but I don't want to see the woman again, she is elderly and not in good health and adores my dds. Aibu to refuse to see her? I would never stop the dds but we live the other side of the country which is obviously limiting.

It isn't a derail, it makes the point completely - women's bodies are public property and people will shame us to try to keep us obedient - the Naomi Wolf quote upthread was spot on. Sorry you are upset by the thread .

Stoic, that's what I wanted to say as well - we immediately want to defend ourselves, even to worthless dickheads like that, against the terrible slur of being fat. Though I'd rather be fat than the kind of person who shouts abuse at passers by!

Splendide that's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you. Although I wonder if the general acceptance of everyday sexism from both genders reinforces to men that they can behave like that. Disgusting behaviour though

I'm sorry Splendide - that's horrible.

I do think there are a lot of posters on this thread (and all the MN threads about weight) who are also shouting fat cunt. They're just doing it more politely. They're still shaming, still judging.

I completely agree, Lynda. All the ones who pop up on every thread regarding weight to announce that posters they can't see are much fatter than they themselves suspect due to vanity sizing, normalising of obesity etc. I'm not saying these things don't exist at all but I'm fairly sure most women have a very clear idea of how they are supposed to look and that most view themselves with a highly critical - and sometimes self loathing - eye. But there are several posters who cannot resist calling others fat, usually under the guise of concern about their health. So the shout of 'fat cunt' becomes a more venemous whisper of 'irresponsible, weak-willed, deluded, foolish, fat cunt who is facing a lifetime of ill health and an early death'. So, not miles better really.

For the record, I apologise to Proteus for my too-harsh posts. Proteus, you are clearly fighting your own battles. I disagree with almost everything you stand for, but my posts were unnecessary.

You're right there Lynda.

Yes I would agree actually Lynda.

It's less viscerally awful because there isn't the public humiliation aspect but it's coming from the same place I think.

It's just such an amazingly effective and blunt tool for putting women in their place. I know objectively I have stuff going for me (high earner, lovely son, whatever) but deep down and not so deep down actually I know that none of that matters because I'm fat.

1kg of.muscle weighs 1kg and 1kg of fat weighs 1kg

Well done, Einstein

As someone claiming to insist on mathematical accuracy, you forgot to ask the most question: "What volume of muscle/fat are we talking here?"

You can't say substance A weighs more than substance B without measuring identical volumes.

1cc of muscle weighs more than 1cc of fat.

If you put 1kg of muscle and 1kg of fat into plastic bags, the bag of muscle will be smaller.
That's the point everyone's making.
Perhaps you're the one with a shaky understanding of mass & specific gravity??

Laser - Fantastic post.

I think when men do it, it's from a place of disgust.

When women do it to other women, it comes from a place of fear. We can't have people getting crazy ideas like accepting their bodies as they are, or that 'beauty comes in all shapes and sizes'. Because if female beauty no longer equals 'thin', then thin women will no longer be on top of the female food chain.

It all matters splendide. All your accomplishments are important - it's terrible that so many of us measure our self worth by the number on the scales or whether or not we have a thigh gap. And as we get the courage to say actually those things aren't what matter about us, someone comes to slap us down by saying 'ahhh, but it IS the most important thing because of your health and the only thing we will measure your health by is your BMI, unless your BMI is actually ok in which case we will find some other stick to beat you with because you definitely are fat. And if you aren't then you probably have hidden fat anyway' and it will go on forever. You have to make your peace with your own body because there will always be someone ready to pop up and tell you how you've got it wrong. Your body gave you that lovely son, your intelligence and skills gave you that high earning job and those are worth far more than a body deemed worthy of a bikini by some arbitrary standards.

My son hugs me every night and tells me how soft I am. I see bingo wings, he feels a safe embrace. His judgement is the one that matters to me the most.

That was a lovely post Laser. :)

Some lovely, lovely women on this thread.

It's cockle-warming.

My son hugs me every night and tells me how soft I am. I see bingo wings, he feels a safe embrace. His judgement is the one that matters to me the most.

Aaaaaaaaaaw.

I have a stomach covered in stretch marks, like a soft toy tigger. It wasn't until nearly seven years later that the lovely little thing I got for the stretch marks even noticed to ask why I had "stripes"!

Yay for bingo wings :)

KatieKaboom "Some lovely, lovely women on this thread. It's cockle-warming. smile"

Yes. Unless you disagree with the consensus. In which case you are 'a wanker', 'a cunt', 'a total gaping arsehole', 'a fuckwit', and 'a dickhead' - all words that have been used about me and about the small number of other posters who've not gone along with the dominant narrative, and have gone unchallenged and indeed cheered on by many other posters.

Not exactly what I'd call 'cockle warming', but I guess we're all different.

I'm sorry you were called those things Proteus, and I don't agree that you are any of those things. I felt your post was misguided but personal insults aren't warranted.

Laser you've written some really lovely things. Proteus, I may not have liked or agreed with everything you've said but you didn't deserve name calling, and I'm sorry about your eating disorders, well done for getting through some tough times

Things to consider:

is she a bit of a porker herself?? wondering if there is a bit of envy going on..

I'm sorry people called you nasty names Proteus (I may have been one of them and if so I apologize). But, much like you pointed out that the OP badly phrased her thread title, you badly phrased your posts. I suggest, if your feelings have been hurt, you think twice about the way you respond on threads about weight.

Another thing we 'forget' when looking at BMI is women's varying shapes!
It's not only about muscle versus fat: women with massive boobs have a load of fat right there, and it pushes up their BMI.

But it isn't 'unhealthy' fat, because the health risks come from fat on your internal organs. Breasts and bums aren't internal organs.

I've known a few well-endowed women to be bullied by their doctors into losing weight when they are, in fact, perfectly slim. That sort of lunacy happens when you can't tell the difference between a statistical trend and an individual body. Even if you're a doctor.

For interest, all these women have a bmi of 29. I picked them at random. Some others looked way fatter and some were slimmer.

I've just read half the thread and can't be arsed with the rest. No debate about the OP's measurements is needed.

It's rude to comment on someone's weight. It is, and you can't dress it up as faux concern unless the person concerned is dangerously over/underweight and there are actual problems.

I don't see my grandmother any more because twenty odd years of having every accomplishment in my life overridden by the fact that I am fat have worn me down. I drive for over 200 miles to hear that and she wonders why I don't want to do that anymore?!

I'd give her another chance as it's probably not going to be an pinging issue, but you know what? Life's too short to be spending time with people that upset you.

^Another thing we 'forget' when looking at BMI is women's varying shapes!
It's not only about muscle versus fat: women with massive boobs have a load of fat right there, and it pushes up their BMI.^

Oh yes. I have chortled to myself many a night on MN over a certain type of dress-size assertions. I have developed an absolutely perfick torso with abs and everyfink. As a natural pear-shape, that's easy enough. However, it's going to remain a size 12-14 torso because I do still have breasts, and there needs to be enough room in the fabric to cover them. Controversial, I know.