Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

Just the thought of fun wedding games makes me die a bit inside. I don't think this one could get much worse.

Oh and exactly what it includes. If food and drink are extra to the guests when they get there it makes for an expensive deal.

Why should they pay?. Because they've chosen to "host" (hardly!) this extravaganza that they clearly can't afford.
Most socially aware people realise that this would put it out of their reach; they would not do it anyway and get their "guests" (again, I'd question whether it's a valid description in this context) to cover the cost.

Missbattleaxe has pinpointed the issue.

The bride and groom are peddling rooms to their family & friends to subsidize their choice of venue. Quite tacky.

For my wedding we had to book the whole venue as a package then it was up to us how to play it - basically we told hotel who was going in which rooms and how much to charge them and they took any money that came in off our bill. We put parents and bridesmaids/groomsmen in the best rooms for free so basically paid for them then any other guests we set the room charge at the same rate as the local b+b' s so no one had to pay over the odds just coz it was a luxury hotel and everyone could stay if they wanted ( didn't have to ) . That way we didn't pay for all if it but subsidized guests as it was our choice to have it where we did !

Honestly, I just wouldn't go. It is incredibly arrogant to assume everyone will be happy with this great long journey and two day celebration and being forced to stay overnight!

Send a lovely card including a thoughtful message (no cash either).

When i saw the OP, I thought at first it was going to be a variation on the traditional Highland wedding which took 3 days (day stag and hen do's, which were drinking and food prep and great fun, then Day 2 the wedding and Day 3 the "House Wedding" where the bride and groom waited on everyone who had worked during the wedding). But wedding games? Why?

It sounds like a nightmare and I wouldn't go purely because I'd hate it. I'd also expect the cost to rise significantly when loads of people declined to cough up for this load of self-indulgent twaddle.

don't go! send a letter saying thank you for your kind invitation. i regret i will be unable to attend.
done.

that's l;iterally all you have to say.

Why do so many people seem to think that everyone is so damn interested and invested in them getting married?
I love a wedding but they seem to be so elaborate now.

It's totally normal to pay your own accommodation and cash gifts are much more commonplace now.

I don't think the cost is too bad if the rooms/hotel are a good quality, but I do think if you take the piss and book an extravagent venue in the middle of nowhere, the couple should be the ones stumping up the money for it and not trying to claw it back from thier guests, either that or use a cheaper venue that they can actually afford. And I'm the type of person who's happy to pay their way for everything.

I've booked my wedding in a nearby city, because it's convenient for my friends, family, and work colleagues, there's no need for anyone to need a hotel and can go home at the end of the night. I could have been a twat and booked it in the middle of nowhere and expected people to pay a fortune to attend or get there, but didn't.

Marmalade

This is not paying your own accommodation. In this case the happy couple have booked a venue which includes accommodation and are then charging guests to attend. Paying for your own accommodation means choosing and paying for accommodation which suits you. It doesn't mean: "Your rooms costs £120 per night please transfer the cost my sort code is xx."

Hello back op. So who will be paying for the food for the two days. This makes a big difference. Did you see my calculations?

Am I correct in thinking its Saturday and Sunday night? If so then surely a lot of people will not want to stay on the Sunday regardless of the games.

OP, BTW I presume you are changing some of the details so that you are not too identifiable.

You're taking this far too seriously. B&G probably thought they were being helpful in giving you a room to rent at the castle rather than you having to scout around for something else! Go and enjoy yourself rather than being a misery guts.

Alternatively you could take a tent!

Games . Are they actually old enough to be getting married?

Janecc

I did see your calculations and I don't actually know about the food nothing is mentioned on the invoice- sorry I mean invitation.

Regardless of who's paying for food the principle remains the same to me. You invite, you provide and pay. If you invite someone to stay overnight in a castle you pay. If you invite someone to visit you in Wales you make the decision and choose a hotel or not. I don't calculate how much food cost per head will be and if it's a reasonable financial proposition it's about the principle of it.

I've decided we are not going on these grounds so will RSVP no to this.

Just decline the invitation. You won't be the only one.

I doubt the food costs will be that significant, Janecc. Most people will simply refuse to go.

FloggingMolly

And yes the games sound intolerable so that was a huge factor! I'll be interested to find out how many people say no. Neither the bride not groom are from Wales so everyone will be travelling a huge distance to this event. If there are rooms left over I guess they'll have to suck up the cost.

Yes, I appreciate my calculations are likely on the high side.

I'm saying the £120 for the room is more appropriate if the B&G are stumping up all the food costs.

For me, that's what makes the difference.

If all the food is provided, I think you're being very unreasonable about the hotel costs. It is not normal for the couple to accommodate the guests when feeding and watering them.

Maybe write a message back
"Thankyou for your bank details. I've booked my room using the details you gave "
Who on earth puts their bank details in a mass invitation id be scared my bank account would be emptied by the end of the week. Or maybe I'm a paranoid Betty and

Sounds like they've organised all the fun out of it... The sort of stuff that people find amusing after a vat of wine a few bevvies has to just evolve organically at the time.
Pre "organising" that sort of shenanigans in cold blood is embarrassingly cringy.
God love them. They'll be hurtling down hills in their shopping trollies all by themselves

FloggingMolly

Also for the poster about bank details- you can only deposit money when you have an account number and sort code you can't withdraw so that's safe.

I have a feeling op they won't be sucking
Up the costs for unused rooms. Regardless
Of whether people attend of not will still be
Expected to pAy.