Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

Stay strong, Pumpkin.

Rewarding this sort of bride/groomzilla behaviour is what perpetuates it. People need to learn that they can't hijack others' free time so they have an "audience" for their "special day."

Whatever happened to having a reasonable wedding at a location convenient to those you want to be there, and then going off yourselves as a couple to a fabulous honeymoon destination? Now couples want everyone to schlep along - it's so annoying.

You don't have to go and her call would make me dig in my heels and even more strongly decline the invitation.

I'd say no based on the 5 hour travel time alone, to then pay £240 to stay and use up my entire weekend would make me unable to enjoy myself no matter how much I liked the b&g! If it was me choosing a venue far away from friends and family in a rural area, I certainly would stump up all £12k for exclusive use and not charge anyone to stay. But that's because where I live I remember a posh venue with 100 person minimum for a Saturday was £160 per person (8 yrs ago, didn't choose it!) Personally I see weddings as you are hosting an event and you take the hit, you don't charge people through asking them to stump up venue costs or via cash presents to fund your day. It shouldn't matter if b&g are out of pocket as they plan to their budget.

But she's bought you something you didn't ask for and is now complaining you don't want it! She is very unreasonable. Don't feel emotionally blackmailed into going. It is optional!

It's clearly unreasonable to ever make arrangements for other people expecting them to cough up money without even discussing it with them.

Assume = makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Why do you feel like you HAVE to go?

You should have stuck to your guns.

Email again tomorrow and say "sorry cousin but we really won't be able to make it. I hope you have a lovely day." End of story.

If you don't think you can just stick with your decision during a conversation with her, don't answer the phone!

That wd settle it on No for me . And I bet she is getting a deal from the castle hotel depending on how many rooms are being paid for by guests. Obviously other people are feeling the same way as you. I wd not be pressured by what she said. She actually confirmed what mn is saying!

You are clearly not the only guest that feels this way. It's sad but unfortunately she really didn't think this through when planning the wedding. What does her soon to be husband think?

She only wants you there for the money.

OP don't you dare go. It's a matter of principle now.

I've no idea what her fiancé thinks, he's a lovely bloke though but all the planning had been down to her so from what I've gathered I wouldn't be surprised if she told him: "The venue will cost us £2,400" and not "the venue costs us £12,000 unless we charge guests to stay to make money back."

There was certainly an air of desperation about the phone call. DH couldn't care less it's my side of the family so he'll just do whatever but he did say he'll disappear during the games- who can blame him?

My mum is in hysterics saying I should go and not cause a fuss.

Of course you would expect to pay for accommodation. You wouldn't expect to be TOLD that overnight stays were required.

Easier your mum to pay then. It's not just a fuss it's the money you're being told to spend because the bride doesn't want her wedding to be too expensive.
Let's not forget the cash gift either...

anonacfr

I totally agree with what you're saying- I wouldn't ask my mum to pay for us hough we can afford it it's just the rudeness and begging and YY to if we agree to this its just more spooky bridezillas getting their way and behaving badly just because they are getting married.

Your mum is being ridiculous then. It's not like she's a sibling.

They sound like a bunch of drama queens!

Well. At least you now know you judged her right, she wants the guests to finance their venue. And it looks like you're not the only ones to take issue with this.

Stay firm, OP, stay firm.

Can you imagine what they'll be like should they have a baby? The mind boggles.

This is what happens when you book rooms for people that they don't want. They could have easily had this conversation prior to booking. But they assumed that people would want to spend £240 on accommodation when realistically they don't know the financial circumstances of people.

Like fuck I would suck it up and go.

And as for talking to your mum about your arrangements, I thought you was an adult. Didn't realise you was a child, who still lived at home.

I would email back - Hi Cousin, I was trying to let you down gently because I didn't want to discuss this with anyone outside of our house. But realistically, it's not something that we can afford. I am sure that you understand. Have fun on the big day.

What did you say when she asked what prior engagement was and if you could move it?

Had your mum indicated to her that you would go?

I don't think it's costing them £2400 if they get the room money back.

The rooms are costing £120 for the 2 nights, X 40 = £4800. 12000 - 4800 = £7200 for the venue. You don't hire just rooms, you hire halls etc for the ceremony and food, this would amount to more than £2400 in a castle.

Ultimately they are hoping their dream castle wedding will cost them £7200 with the rest of the cost up to 12k soaked up by the guests.

I wouldn't go OP, your mum should never have told her you would all be going and they should never have booked somewhere that meant people being told where they were staying and how much it was and being paid for before they were even asked if this was Ok!

BeYourself it's £120 per night so £240 for two nights.

Hi Cousin, I was trying to let you down gently because I didn't want to discuss this with anyone outside of our house. But realistically, it's not something that we can afford. I am sure that you understand. Have fun on the big day.

Perfect.

I appreciate that you were put on the spot, OP, but this is your opportunity to tell the bride about the 'principle' that you 'feel so strongly about.'

"She only wants you there for the money."

Truer words were never spoken.

No way on earth would I give up a free weekend to rescue some bridezilla from her arrogant and presumptuous self-centered planning.

If I planned a function that required guests to stay in a certain location, I'd also plan to pay for their accommodations. Any gracious host would do the same. That she wanted to finance her dream photo background by peddling hotel rooms to her "guests" is her problem.

What exactly is your mother saying, OP? Does she see your side of this, at all? Is the bride her niece?

It's rude to tell your guests where they will be staying, and stating in the invitation what gift they're expected to give. It doesn't seem friendly or hospitable!

Personally, while I love a good wedding, I find the ceremony and reception in one day to be plenty. I wouldn't enjoy a "2 day celebration" of forced jollity with people I didn't know.

So I would either decline, or say "I'd love to come but can only make the ceremony/will have to leave by 6pm as I already have commitments the rest of the weekend". Then drive home or to somewhere affordable for the night.

Hi Cousin, I was trying to let you down gently because I didn't want to discuss this with anyone outside of our house. But realistically, it's not something that we can afford. I am sure that you understand. Have fun on the big day.

Personally I wouldn't use cost as an excuse as it gives the cousin a chance to negotiate ie "how much could you afford including a cash wedding gift?"

Stick with prior arrangements.

Omg her reply would be the final confirmation for me not to go. Your DM might be in a panic now since she said you were going but that's her problem now. Just say as bloodyteenagers said. Good luck!

Zad. On reflection, I think you are right and it's best to stick with the prior engagement line.