Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

£120 pn for 2 people inclu breakie sounds cheap

obv if you went it would be 2 nights , but why

fnd out when wedding is and stay that night and go home early am after breakie next day

no need to stay 2 nights

and yes normal for guests to pay for their room

Right. Not read whole thread but read all op posts.

You wouldn't have liked us when we got married. Exclusive use venue, several thousand pounds, 13 rooms included. We charged people to stay in them. We offered the rooms to immediate family and wedding party. If people hadn't wanted to stay that would've been fine, we'd have offered them to others. No one was told they had to stay they were given the option. And no one declined.

So yes, you could say they subsidised the venue. However, in our eyes they were being offered rooms online, in a part of the country that would have required a taxi for several miles to get to the next closest hotel. That was more expensive.

Are you sure this isn't the same thing? That as family you have been offered the rooms first?

I seriously think this is a non issue. Go and stay, or don't and don't.

All the righteous justification in the world doesn't scrub the tackiness, unfortunately.

Yellow - Why did you pick something miles away, and therefore cost your guests a fortune for you to get married?

And if OP design lines thee will be a family fall out - which is part of the problem

I'm glad you've decided to decline. There's another thread going on where people are spitting venom about weddings but are apparently too wimpy to say 'thanks but no thanks' to any invitations that come their way. Baffling.

Personally I think £120 for two people sounds fine and I'm not sure why you'd expect the bride and groom to pay for your accommodation costs? Are you by any chance just as greedy as the couple themselves? I suspect so.

Their saying '"Gift cards or cash gifts only please." is very rude indeed but I'd just happily ignore it and buy them a gift of my own choosing.

Love I was surprised to have the accomodation paid for but they just would not have chosen this venue if it was going to put their guests out of pocket.

In the op's case I really do not think the b&g have thought this through at all. It's a 2 day wedding. Are they really going to cater 3 meals a day x 2 days for 80 guests? The costs will be astronomical. And if not, what will guests do? They can hardly cook for themselves and it sounds like options locally are pretty scarce. I predict this being an absolute farce.

if they have pre-booked accomodation so everyone is together in one venue of course you should pay your share - weddings are costly enough without having to pay for guest's accomodation.
as for cash or gift cards - totally reasonable and it saves them sticking a load of tat they didnt want on ebay....

Yes you SHOULD pay for the accommodation! Another county?? You make it sound like another continent. The 'gift cards or cash' line is rude and unacceptable, though. Just don't go is my advice.

1. Do you WANT to go to this wedding?

2. Can you afford it?

Yes to both? Just pay it and go and enjoy!

We've always paid our own accommodation at others weddings. We actually had our wedding on a Tuesday and a good hours drive away from where we live so a lot of people chose to stay in the hotel we got married in. We set it up with the hotel that if they mentioned they were with our wedding then they'd get discounted rates so perhaps they have done the same, managed to get a discount and are just saying its this much £££ through us... THATS A NICE THING FOR
THEM TO DO!
£120 for 2 nights is also really cheap!

Everyone has their own way of doing things, but it all depends how much you want to be a part of their day?
We went to a wedding where the wedding party all stayed at the same hotel, but the wedding party were all given a discount code to use when making their own reservation.
Most people now ask for money, although usually there is a poem about this.

It's £120 a night and op isn't going.

Oh and one thing I forgot - we asked for euros for wedding presents (to take on our honeymoon) as we already lived together and had everything we needed but we worded it a lot more politely than what you said they wrote. No-one had a problem with it, in fact they were pretty generous.
A lot of our friends did the same thing, it's not a big deal.

Can you get a taxi to the nearest station after the first day of the wedding and get the last train home? No-one in this country shd expect guests to stay at their wedding for 2 days. Everyone will be exhausted and irritated on the second day. Very horribly business-like to ask for bank details and to dictate that you can only give money or gift cards. This will put a lot of friends off the couple.

Just seen some of OP posts - its not really about money for me, do you care about your cousin? If not then don't go, if you want to maintain a relationship with them then you have to go, at the end of the day £120 isn't a lot and they ARE family!

at the end of the day £120 isn't a lot and they ARE family!

IT'S £240 plus travel gift and food!!.

This is some people month food bill - get real

I don't think they're being unreasonable, sorry. I've never attended a wedding where my accommodation was paid for but I have received invites offering me a huge discount on a room at the venue if I pay as part of the main package. A lot of people ask for gift cards now so they can buy what they need with what you can afford rather than having an expensive wedding list. My microwave was paid for by Argos vouchers which we had as a wedding list alternative option. We then wrote saying that they had contributed to it.

That is interesting. I know the people who get married pay for the venue, reception, decoration, ceremony and their clothes roughly.
Sometimes they do pay transport if the guests have to go from church to the venue.
But accommodation? Why? On the other hand if it's too far away then they should I guess or fear no one coming.
But to ask for paying for the wedding an resents is a bit too much imo.
I'd send them the money for the room as a present as they want but excuse that I can't attend. If it's either or the other.

Mountain and molehill are the words that spring to mind here.

I would expect guests to pay for accommodation.
Yes grabby re gifts.
You don't want to go, so spend the time you are spending on here constructing a good reason to decline.

Sorry but I don't think any of it is unreasonable.
It's the norm now to see "cash gifts only" in an invite as most people dont want to receive things they don't need or want, I wish I'd done it as I ended up with a dining table I didn't need which sat in a massive box in our way for months 😂
Regarding paying for your room you have to make the choice to go and pay or politely decline the invite because you don't want to spend the money.
I personally find myself not attending many events as I'd rather spend my money on things I actually want to do.
☺

This thread has just made me realise that my sister did this.

She had lots of money. Came back from overseas with fiancée and booked Country manor for the wedding. We live hundreds of miles away and had 2 very small children then, had to fly to attend and were restricted in days off work. So, we travelled on Friday, stayed with friends near the airport and then went to hotel Saturday morning.

When we outlined this plan, all hell broke loose. We would have to pay for Friday night too. But the room was £300 a night (large double, 1 cot, 1 camp bed). We could not afford this and told her so. Had we arrived Friday night it would have been very late and, in any case, we were not invited to the Friday night dinner and would have had to eat out elsewhere as the hotel was full (of wedding guests). Which would have involved problems with kids etc.n

We explained could not afford - huge family ructions. We held firm and were punished - table in a side room with fiancee's family - children with chicken pox. No photos taken of us.

I have just realised that this is why!!!! Thank you Mumsnet. We were expected to pay £££ because she wanted the posh venue.

Cody when did op say food wasn't included? I thought this was an unknown.

Hamletssister - what did you think of it at the time?

Cody when did op say food wasn't included? I thought this was an unknown.

I'd be amazed if food wasn't included. I've been to a few of these type "events" (multi day weddings) and there's always been good provided up until the latest possible going home time.

Can you get a taxi to the nearest station after the first day of the wedding and get the last train home? No-one in this country shd expect guests to stay at their wedding for 2 days

It's in rural Wales and far from anywhere. Trains and taxis would be patchy at best.

The OP is not expecting her accommodation to be paid for, she is objecting to the presumptious way it has booked for her and objecting to the bank details provided to "pay back" the bride and groom. The bride and groom have got an exclusive use deal and are clearly hoping the guests will help them claw this back by following their expensive instructions. The wedding is over 2 nights so the bill alone will be £240. THEN they want cash as well.