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Original poster

Rude wedding invitation?

509 replies

PumpkinPies38 · 10/06/2016 22:17

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is Shock but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

OP posts:
blue2014 · 11/06/2016 17:14

They're not asking people to pay for the venueHmm! £120 is an entirely normal rate for a room in a castle - there would have been uproar if they'd said 'sod off there is no option of accommodation on site"

DesolateWaist · 11/06/2016 17:26

They're not asking people to pay for the venue

Yes they are in a round about kind of way.
This is not a wedding taking place in the function room of a hotel.

They have hired the exclusive use of the venue which is the only way you can hold a wedding there.
So lets say that the hire of the venue cost £10,000, for example, that hires the whole place, all the rooms and the function room for the wedding.
If no one stayed there they would pay £10,000 for the venue.
If one person stays there then they can recoup the cost of that one room and the venue hire will cost them £9,850.
If two people take rooms then the venue hire will cost them £9,700.
And so on.
The more people that stay there the less the venue hire will cost them.

Socksey · 11/06/2016 17:31

My DSis did this. Really ticked me off as u could have stayed elsewhere for less.... she wanted this particular venue and they put that condition. ... had to stay 2 nights in a cruddy basement room as I'm not as important as her friends who paid the same and got the nice rooms. ... basically I was paying for her wedding and she wanted presents too...

GloriaGaynor · 11/06/2016 17:39

I don't like the way the venue is carrying out their business

I don't think there's anything wrong with the way they do business.

Their terms are clear, if you want to book the castle for the weekend it will be 12 grand.

If that's not what you want, or you can't afford it without your guests subsidising you then don't book.

TooMuchMNTime · 11/06/2016 17:52

Socksey, did you say anything to your sis?

I don't understand people who blame the venue. The couple choose if they can afford it. Or try to get the guests to afford it!

emilybrontescorset · 11/06/2016 17:59

All I'll say is if you want a wedding in a posh place then you have to pay for it.
Otherwise do like the rest of us and book somewhere cheaper.

amarmai · 11/06/2016 18:02

My dd went to a wedding deal like that. Turned out the prices for the wedding guests were set to include the cost of the bridal suite and one other room, which the bride allocated to her bf. The guests decided that that was the wedding present!

DinosaursRoar · 11/06/2016 19:07

But the OP isn't forced to stay there, she doesn't say she's been told she has to stay at the castle and pay, but that if she wants to stay in the castle, it's £120 per night. The next nearest hotel the OP has found is 45 minutes away, she's not been provided with taxi details and is convinced there's a whole area of Wales that no taxi firm will service, and so she feels she must stay at the castle.

Of course she could stay elsewhere if it really bothers her, it'll probably end up costing her similar price but have to do a long taxi journey, but she won't feel she's been 'forced' to stay somewhere or 'pay for their wedding'.

MissBattleaxe · 11/06/2016 19:51

Dinosaurs:. I disagree, the wording is along the lines of "They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!"

Also- I can totally believe about the taxis. Rural Wales can be VERY remote and not all villages or small towns have taxis. For example- driving from South to North West Wales is a 130 mile trip that never takes us less than 4 hours.

I think what I would object to is the fact (as the OP states) that neither the bride nor groom live anywhere near there and nor do any guests.

If you want a rich person's wedding, you need to be a rich person.

NotYoda · 11/06/2016 19:56

Dinosaurs

The OP doesn't say that

It says in effect that guests are booked to stay at the venue and payment is expected

NotYoda · 11/06/2016 19:58

"If you want a rich person's wedding, you need to be a rich person"

Too right MissBattleaxe

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 11/06/2016 21:37

Tbf, even if there is a taxi service, you can bet they charge a fortune, knowing there is no other option. We attended a wedding last year, pretty much in the middle of nowhere, as as we do not drive, it cost a fair bit in trains and then taxi from the train station to where we were staying.

We got VERY lucky in the accommodation we had booked, as it was a single studio room right next door to the owners, and they, knowing that they were used by wedding guests, to various wedding venues that were within 30 mins or so of there, offered to drive ppl to the venue and then pick them up, so we got a lift to the venue by the owner, and they picked us up again at midnight.

Friends of ours, who were staying at various other places, and were relying on taxis were absolutely fleeced, and got charged £100 for a 30 min journey at midnight. The owner of our accommodation said that was quite common, hence why they offered to provide transport for guests.

RunLillian · 11/06/2016 21:54

The thing is - what's your endgame, OP?

Let's say that you decline, and so do your extended family. Will you feel vindicated if the b&g have to cancel their wedding, losing their deposit?

You say that it's a matter of principle. Will you use your response to educate them about their vulgar ways, or will you give a passive aggressive excuse?

FWIW, that invitation and set-up would put my back up, too. But what exactly do you,hope to achieve?

TooMuchMNTime · 11/06/2016 22:18

Run "Will you feel vindicated if the b&g have to cancel their wedding, losing their deposit? "

well it would not be the fault of the OP or anyone who declines, if that happens. Surely you only do exclusive hire if you can pay the bill - based on having spoken to guests and checked that they can pay and are happy to pay?

RunLillian · 11/06/2016 22:23

TooMuch one would certainly hope so. I'm just wondering if OP has thought this through and really considered what she wants to get out of this situation.

HamletsSister · 11/06/2016 22:31

What about going, but staying elsewhere? Just go for one night? Air B&B might have something nearby. After all, the staff must live somewhere so there will be some sort of infrastructure. (And I speak as one who used to live 35 miles from a shop and a cash point).

RunLillian · 11/06/2016 22:32

To put this another way - there are lots of valid reasons not to attend a wedding. Finances, childcare, inconvenience, or simply because you just can't be arsed. If OP doesn't think she'll enjoy the wedding then she should decline with impunity. But to decline a wedding because you dislike the way in which the b&g have planned it on principle and you want to teach them a lesson is a bit shit.

TooMuchMNTime · 11/06/2016 22:36

Run "But to decline a wedding because you dislike the way in which the b&g have planned it on principle and you want to teach them a lesson is a bit shit."

um, is it though? I mean, if you feel the couple have been very rude - and they seem to have effectively issued a summons + invoice - then you might feel that says a lot about them personally and not want to mix with them, rather than "teach them a lesson". I think that would be more a case of ringing up and having a conversation about it - though I doubt many could face that!

Ffitz · 11/06/2016 22:38

I would not be impressed to receive this invitation at all. It's not an invitation, it's an invoice for services that the op has never requested.

I'm going to an exclusive use wedding where none of the guests are paying for their accommodation. It wasn't expected but they know everyone is having to travel, and there are some family members who couldn't have afforded to pay so it seemed like the right thing to do to not charge anyone.

Lovepancakes · 11/06/2016 22:46

ffitz that is incredibly generous of the bride and groom but will cost them a huge amount so not something one can surely expect?!

I would feel uncomfortable ever asking this myself though if I were organising- I always thinks it's thoughtful to assume people need to keep costs down as it's a fairly safe assumption in most groups of people I would think?

Lovepancakes · 11/06/2016 22:47

I'd say fine to suggest taking £120 rooms only if a cheaper alternative was also mentioned

nonline · 11/06/2016 22:52

If I wanted to get married in a location far from any other accommodation and expected (forced?!) my guests to stay overnight I would make sure I had that cost covered myself.

Seems b&g should be prepared to pay for venue and hope that they voluntarily get some of the cost back from the generous cash gifts (which I would probably be more willing to be generous about if I'd got a couple of nights in a castle for free).

TooMuchMNTime · 11/06/2016 22:59

OP I hope you will keep us updated if they ask why you've declined!

alleypalley · 11/06/2016 23:38

We asked people to travel to our wedding, so we put them up for two nights.

That invite sounds awful, and as for games; no thank you.

Mycraneisfixed · 11/06/2016 23:51

Politely decline the invitation then forget about it.

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