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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have cleaned up a little

152 replies

meggy22 · 10/06/2016 20:41

Ok I'm asking this as I am genuinely wondering if I abu! We are visiting family. We have traveled a long way and it is the first time we have visited in 12 months. Also the first time family have met our baby. MIL offered for us to stay with her as she has a lot of space. She has a self contained 'granny flat' at the side of her house. We arrived today and it's filthy. I mean not just messy but really dirty. I am by no means fussy but I really am considering finding other accommodation. I have a two year old and a young baby. The bathroom looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a year, urine all around the toilet, poo on the toilet seat. The shower is just filthy. There's a smell in the house that I can't even describe. The floors are dirty the kitchen has mouldy old food and dishes that look like they have been there for months. Anyways you get the idea. May I add mil knew we were coming since before Christmas and offered for us to stay here.i feel like crying, this is our only annual leave this summer and I know mil will hit the ceiling if we say we can't stay here. So please tell me what would you do and aibu???

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2016 21:40

Sarah and sapphire I came on to say the same! I'd assumed file wasn't around until the op posted again.
It's very eye opening on this thread how cleaning or the lack of it is very much the woman's responsibility.

elephantoverthehill · 11/06/2016 21:41

Well I guess you know your place in the pecking order 'Chief Skivvy'. I am glad you have found somewhere else. Enjoy the beach.

StealthPolarBear · 11/06/2016 21:42

Thabks for the update pp. Glad you are out. She thought you would do it Shock

kelda · 11/06/2016 21:55

Glad you have left. There is nothing you could have done that was right in her eyes in this scenario. She may have expected you to clean up her mess and filth but that didn't stop her from being sarcastic to you when you asked for a dustpan and brush.

Hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 11/06/2016 22:31

Cheeky mare. I feel annoyed on your behalf. 'Thought you would clean it' indeed.

KatharinaRosalie · 11/06/2016 22:33

Wow - so she left the place a shithole so you would come and clean? What lovely host.

notfornothing · 11/06/2016 23:13

Reminds me slightly of my PIL's place. They have a separate flat above garage where we stay. It's never as bad as OP's case, but it's never clean either. It's always tidy and got clean sheets but bathroom has not been cleaned, floor dirty, thick layer if dust etc.
I clean and we're fine and have never raised it as an issue. But when we last left to catch a flight at 4am with a toddler and we didn't leave everything in order - bed was not made (DS was sleeping in the big bed until the last minute) some things were moved etc. then DH got an incredibly spiteful email from FIL about treating them as an hotel and not cleaning up after ourselves etc.

Iknownuffink · 11/06/2016 23:36

Everyone has different standard re' housekeeping.

I and my DP are incredibly messy however you could eat your dinner from my loo.

My food hygiene standards are high.

My DIL demands absolute tidiness in her own home yet overwhelmingly lax (evidence of using the loo) when visiting us or my daughter who is a neat freak.

7DaysAWeekWorker · 11/06/2016 23:55

Allow the bitch, deny her the pleasure of her grandchildren and go do something else for the rest of your trip. Don't visit her or make it really awkward for her to come visit you. Stay somewhere 200miles away :p

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/06/2016 23:56

"She hit the roof and said she thought I would tidy and set it up for us as she hasn't had a chance!"
Hadn't had a chance? She's known since Christmas you'd be coming to visit, and "The bathroom looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a year, urine all around the toilet, poo on the toilet seat. The shower is just filthy. There's a smell in the house that I can't even describe. The floors are dirty the kitchen has mouldy old food and dishes that look like they have been there for months."

Maybe if she hadn't been going in there to leave food to go mouldy and shit in the approximate vicinity of the toilet pan, there would have been no need to expect you to tidy up. Except of course, she's made damn sure it needs more than a tidy Angry.

So, she made the place into a shithole just for the pleasure of thinking about you having to clean it up? That's how it comes across to me. How spiteful and vindictive is that? I'm so glad you've left it for her to clean up herself. Her cunning plan has backfired!

And I do wonder if the flat was allowed to be like that when her mother lived in it ...

gamerchick · 12/06/2016 00:06

Sounds as if she expected you to give it a good clean for her.

Good for you OP, enjoy your holiday.

Mycraneisfixed · 12/06/2016 00:08

Have a lovely holidaySmile

MyLlamasGoneBananas · 12/06/2016 00:11

Good on you.

Mil has shot herself in the foot. Whether she's a lazy cow or a spiteful botch, she's list out on spending time with her son and grandchildren.

Hopefully she'll think twice before being so late y/stupid/vindictive again in the future.

fatmomma99 · 12/06/2016 00:11

OP, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for coming back and telling us the end of the story. It's so gutting when a thread you're interested in doesn't actually end.

Now go away and have a great week!

(knowing your MIL will be cleaning the shit off her toilet herself!)

hollyisalovelyname · 12/06/2016 00:36

Well done OP.
What a poty you had to spend the night there.
How awful for her ds knowing that's what she thinks of him ( and his family)

LilacInn · 12/06/2016 01:59

Yes, thank you for updating, OP! Enjoy your new accommodations!

billabye · 12/06/2016 10:14

Good for you, OP, and your DH! Enjoy your holiday!

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 12/06/2016 11:20

It's really odd for anywhere to get that dirty when there is a cleaner employed in the household, the pil didn't even have to do it themselves. Hard to know what is going on there, but glad you've got out.
Agree it is alarming how ingrained our view of who is responsible for what is.

Gillywestinghaus · 12/06/2016 11:28

gosh what a nightmare!

hellsbells99 · 12/06/2016 11:35

I used to avoid using the toilet at my Aunty's house and used to have to wash cups etc before I made a cuppa. We then found out she had cataracts and really could not see the dirt!

Snowflakes1122 · 12/06/2016 11:40

Your DH needs to step in and say something to his mother! YANBU

StealthPolarBear · 12/06/2016 12:00

..or his father
thank you too lazy

MintyChops · 12/06/2016 15:55

Thank you for letting us know how it all planned out. I literally cannot believe she thought you would set the place up for your holiday, what a lovely welcome after a long journey, here's some encrusted shit for you to chip off. They are BOTH dreadful. Hope you have a lovely week at the seaside and of course this means you never have to stay with them again "It's obviously too much trouble for you so we will stay elsewhere". "No, really, scrape your own shit up"

Alasalas2 · 12/06/2016 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

areyoubeingserviced · 12/06/2016 19:34

Yuck
I would have been out of that place like a shot.