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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she could have cleaned up a little

152 replies

meggy22 · 10/06/2016 20:41

Ok I'm asking this as I am genuinely wondering if I abu! We are visiting family. We have traveled a long way and it is the first time we have visited in 12 months. Also the first time family have met our baby. MIL offered for us to stay with her as she has a lot of space. She has a self contained 'granny flat' at the side of her house. We arrived today and it's filthy. I mean not just messy but really dirty. I am by no means fussy but I really am considering finding other accommodation. I have a two year old and a young baby. The bathroom looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a year, urine all around the toilet, poo on the toilet seat. The shower is just filthy. There's a smell in the house that I can't even describe. The floors are dirty the kitchen has mouldy old food and dishes that look like they have been there for months. Anyways you get the idea. May I add mil knew we were coming since before Christmas and offered for us to stay here.i feel like crying, this is our only annual leave this summer and I know mil will hit the ceiling if we say we can't stay here. So please tell me what would you do and aibu???

OP posts:
1AngelicFruitCake · 10/06/2016 21:37

You poor thing! Make sure you take photos so she can't get sympathy from other relatives. Hope it all works out for you Flowers

Senpai · 10/06/2016 21:39

Take photographs, do not clean up and leave.

Why? What good would photographs do?

Just get a hotel room for now to avoid coming in contract with Ecoli or whatever other harmful bacteria are in there.

FledglingFridge · 10/06/2016 21:43

"Why? What good would photographs do?"

If when MIL tells her side that her DIL whipped her son and GC away because she's so unreasonable OP has a leg to stand on. Don't like to think ill of someone I've never met but I wouldn't put that behaviour past someone who expected small children to stay in such filth never mind her son and DIL.

Pearlman · 10/06/2016 21:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyBex1985 · 10/06/2016 21:44

Take photos.

And then post them here so we can judge

JerryFerry · 10/06/2016 21:50

What a nasty thing to do. Absolutely right to leave, apart from it being essential for health and wellbeing, you need to give a clear message that you will not be cowed by her. Awful woman.

HopeArden · 10/06/2016 21:51

Hope you said 'no it isn't' when she asked.

Who are these weird people who behave like this to their kids?

KateLivesInEngland · 10/06/2016 21:51

If the MIL is the vindictive sort, which sounds likely! - she'll deny its that bad when the shit hits the fan tomorrow.
At least with photos OP can prove she's telling the truth if mil tries to tell outsiders that OP is being completely unreasonable and is trying to tarnish her good name etc.

Not that she needs to justify to anyone but it just depends on previous form of mil for being a nasty witch or whatever.

AliMonkey · 10/06/2016 21:51

Agree sounds disgusting and deliberate - or at best extremely lazy. But just wondering why MIL is getting all the blame when it sounds like there is a FIL in the scene? Maybe he made all the mess and she refused to clean it up and you've walked into the middle of their standoff?

evilcherub · 10/06/2016 21:52

Definitely take photos so she can't deny it.

IceMaiden73 · 10/06/2016 21:54

Air BNB

hollyisalovelyname · 10/06/2016 21:55

Don't stay there even for a night. I would leave the area completely. Your mil has shown no respect to her son or his dw and his dc. How dare she!
Make sure you have the pics.
Could she br in the early stage of dementia? That would be the only mitigating factor.

TooLazyToWriteMyOwnFuckinPiece · 10/06/2016 21:57

Squatters? Has mil or fil actually been in with you to see how it is, any chance this isn't how she left it?

Chippednailvarnishing · 10/06/2016 21:58

Glad your DH is siding with you. I'd second AirBnB

EasternDailyStress · 10/06/2016 22:01

Might be a bit late in the day, but have you looked at holiday lettings or homeaway ? I booked self-catering accommodation for 2 nights in Derbyshire, which was about the same price as a B and B. Just thought it might be easier with two little ones.

Horrible thing to happen btw.

BarryTheKestrel · 10/06/2016 22:04

Air B&B if you can. You'll probably be able to find something more suitable for all of you that way. Or is there a holiday park nearby with caravans? We have managed to get a last minute caravan a few times when left in the lurch. Cancellations happen and no one wants empty accommodation.

As for ILS, it is disgusting that they expect your dc to stay in such a place, even if they have done it to get at you. Take photos and make sure you are prepared to defend yourself when you are tarred as the awful evil DIL to all and sundry.

leelu66 · 10/06/2016 22:05

I second Eastern 's suggestion. I booked my apartment in Spain with holiday lettings the day before I flew there. Lots and lots of options.

PovertyPain · 10/06/2016 22:08

I think I'd be sly and say her to, "I'm really sorry mil, I'm so upset to have to say this but I think someone has been squatting in the flat. You will be horrified to see the disgusting state they've left it in. I really couldn't stay there and I really hope we'll be able to book somewhere close enough to visit. It would be terrible if we missed out on this time with you." I'd then book as far away as possible and have a lovely few days with my family. Fuck her, she lost the right to family time by treating you like that.

She did it because she wants you to spend your time cleaning and she will have her son and grand kids all to herself, without you being 'in the way'.

WetPaint4 · 10/06/2016 22:09

That is seriously awful of the MIL. Way to ruin somebody's holiday. Just plain nasty. And then to act like you're the one with unrealistic standards, she's needs to be told 'there's shit all on the toilet you nasty bitch, a tramp from off the street would tell you to grab some bleach and a cloth'

MsPavlichenko · 10/06/2016 22:16

Maybe even a caravan site, I'd not be trying too hard to stay close. This is your holiday and she sounds appalling.

Years ago I had a similar thing happen, though not malevolent. Booked somewhere else the next day.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 10/06/2016 22:17

Where did you travel to?

I'd hit the bloody ceiling. No way would I clean it, much less after travelling with two babies. I'd be on Expedia booking a hotel as soon as I saw a bathroom in that state.

Phalenopsisgirl · 10/06/2016 22:18

So rude, in my world guests are like royalty, I would have cleaned to within inch of my life. hotel time

Hawkmoth · 10/06/2016 22:23

I can't imagine anyone behaving like this. It's just fucked up.

Hope you find somewhere clean and have a nice time with your family regardless of the unmitigated lunacy of your MIL.

PeaceNotPieces · 10/06/2016 22:23

Are you in a touristy part of the U.K.?

If you ring a caravan park direct you prob get it much cheaper.

Senpai · 10/06/2016 22:27

At least with photos OP can prove she's telling the truth if mil tries to tell outsiders that OP is being completely unreasonable and is trying to tarnish her good name etc.

If the MIL has form for drama, then people especially family already know this. If my family member who already has a flair for fantastical stories, told me something about how a usually reasonable and level headed person snubbed them for "a little dust in the guest room" I'd assume there was more to the story.

If that same someone took pictures and showed me... I'd write them both off as being petty and childish. The type of people who take pictures to "prove they're right" to involve other people and get them on their side, are the same type of people who contribute to the drama in their own lives.

Personally, I'd just say "That's not what happened, it's between me and her" and leave it at that. At the end of the day, my family knows me and that I'm not a drama-llama. So if I'm snubbing someone, there's a reason.