To think she could have cleaned up a little

[meggy22]

Ok I'm asking this as I am genuinely wondering if I abu! We are visiting family. We have traveled a long way and it is the first time we have visited in 12 months. Also the first time family have met our baby. MIL offered for us to stay with her as she has a lot of space. She has a self contained 'granny flat' at the side of her house. We arrived today and it's filthy. I mean not just messy but really dirty. I am by no means fussy but I really am considering finding other accommodation. I have a two year old and a young baby. The bathroom looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a year, urine all around the toilet, poo on the toilet seat. The shower is just filthy. There's a smell in the house that I can't even describe. The floors are dirty the kitchen has mouldy old food and dishes that look like they have been there for months. Anyways you get the idea. May I add mil knew we were coming since before Christmas and offered for us to stay here.i feel like crying, this is our only annual leave this summer and I know mil will hit the ceiling if we say we can't stay here. So please tell me what would you do and aibu???

Yes, yes ;)

We have to know!

This is the situation at my MIL's too, except she honestly doesn't see the problem, and would be deeply hurt if DH mentioned it. She was hurt and stressed when he tried to clean it himself a few years ago, and my perfectly able-bodied FIL and BIL don't lift a finger. BIL brings his girlfriend to the house all the time without even a glimmer of shame. She, rather sensibly, has not volunteered to get involved, because she sees no reason to be a skivvy to her boyfriend's laziness.

We don't stay there any more. MIL doesn't like me anyway, so doesn't push it TOO hard in case we say "Oh, okay then!" but she honestly thinks that we stay somewhere else because I'm awful, not because you'd probably get typhoid from their bathroom.

My DH is very sad about it, but there's no point making into a point of stress and anxiety, and I am PERFECTLY happy to stay elsewhere when we visit!

Hoping you and family have escaped somewhere OP. If the flat really was in such a bad state, they need to be told and shown the evidence by your DP really. The time for being polite stopped the moment you saw poo on the toilet seat.

I dont think I could even speak to her again

To be honest I would have made DH handle it and have a frank discussion about why the flat was so dirty, making it very clear that no it wasn't an acceptable standard especially as she was expecting her grandchildren to stay there. Plus asked her to come and look at it and point out the filth!! I'm stunned that she didn't ensure the place was spotless, when I have guests I try to make it as fresh and welcoming as possible - why wouldn't the in-laws want this???

Hope its sorted op.

Have you found somewhere else to stay?

What happened this morning OP? Did they go mad that you were leaving? Did you find a nice place to go to? You are absolutely NBU, what a horrible way to be "welcomed".

I agree it's odd that posters are mostly silent on the subject of the FIL. It's his house and flat too, no?

I would have left last night.
Hope you're out of there by now.

Yanbu!

I think people are not blaming the fil because OP states that mil uses the flat in the daytime.

Grim! I wouldn't have stayed I would have put the children in the car and gone home.

Do we even know if fil is with mil? She might not be married. I don't think ops mentioned him.

Op hope you managed to sort something..

OP says 'I can only assume her and fil are filthy!'

I feel for you OP, I really do. The standard of my MIL's housekeeping has gone downhill over the last five years.
Before that she'd boast about how clean she kept the house (obviously a delusion) but now we know that she's losing her eyesight. It was difficult to get her to accept help with various tasks as she'd insist, "Do it next time," or, "it's clean!"

Luckily she's only 20 minutes away - no overnight stay required. Only the brave or unsuspecting dare have a cup of tea there, let alone anything to eat. You can't tell her anything as she insists that she knows everything about housework.
Her son and his wife get the brunt of it. She believes that DIL is obsessed with cleaning. Plus she's very aggressive with it.
At least you can literally put distance between your family and her hovel. Hope you can sort something out for your precious holiday.

I'd have just gone and got a bottle of bleach, opened the windows and got scrubbing.

I wouldn't go back again though if it really was that bad.

Sorry sapphire didn't see that bit - in which case fil is equally culpable.

It's a shitty thing of them to do though. Sounds awful op.

Sounds horrendous, what happened in the end?

I think she was waiting for you to visit before getting her cleaner into the flat. That way she can blame you for the squalor and not lose face with the cleaner.

I hope you left, OP!

I think I'd take photos then fork out for cleaners, B&B until they've been. Then you're whiter than white - if it is a vindictive mil, worry I'd have is her telling people we'd left her place in that state!

One of those cleaning companies with 'industrial cleaning and clearing' emblazoned all over the vans

So just to update you all ;)! We managed to get last minute accommodation about 30 mins drive away. It's nice and near enough to the sea side. This morning dh went in and told her we couldn't stay there that it was unacceptable and unsafe for the babies. She hit the roof and said she thought I would tidy and set it up for us as she hasn't had a chance! Fil doesn't show much interest in anything but his farm so I don't know what he thinks. We left and doubt we will be seeing her again this holiday. So glad to be gone out of there!

Cheeky cow! I hope you have a lovely holiday!