To think she could have cleaned up a little

[meggy22]

Ok I'm asking this as I am genuinely wondering if I abu! We are visiting family. We have traveled a long way and it is the first time we have visited in 12 months. Also the first time family have met our baby. MIL offered for us to stay with her as she has a lot of space. She has a self contained 'granny flat' at the side of her house. We arrived today and it's filthy. I mean not just messy but really dirty. I am by no means fussy but I really am considering finding other accommodation. I have a two year old and a young baby. The bathroom looks like it hasn't been cleaned in a year, urine all around the toilet, poo on the toilet seat. The shower is just filthy. There's a smell in the house that I can't even describe. The floors are dirty the kitchen has mouldy old food and dishes that look like they have been there for months. Anyways you get the idea. May I add mil knew we were coming since before Christmas and offered for us to stay here.i feel like crying, this is our only annual leave this summer and I know mil will hit the ceiling if we say we can't stay here. So please tell me what would you do and aibu???

I'd just like to point out that while the MIL is getting rightfully pasted on this thread, the FIL is getting away scot free for also not cleaning the flat. Neither of them cleaned. Both of them let this happen. Not just the MIL.

Which country are you in?

I would say if you need the accommodation for financial reasons stock up on rubber gloves and cleaning materials and go for it, taking it in turns to care for the kids,

But it sounds as if it is part of a wider problem and you might not have a relaxed stay there anyway.

Are there any other family you can stay with?

P.S yes, this is a FIL issue, too.

Going by the state of the toilet, my guess would be that perhaps your FIL uses the flat toilet rather than going upstairs or using loo in their main house.

I think the fact they actually have a cleaner makes it worse and it's not like the visit was last minute.

I'd just like to point out that while the MIL is getting rightfully pasted on this thread, the FIL is getting away scot free for also not cleaning the flat. Neither of them cleaned. Both of them let this happen. Not just the MIL.

Fair enough, but FIL didn't make the snippy "Is it not up to your standards?" remark either. Not as much material to go on for him, I'm afraid.

Go immediately and never return!

You can't stay there OP and no, you shouldn't clean it up. Why don't you leave your h there if he wants to see her and take the kids home? Why don't you say you're not feeing well or something?

In general this level of dirt is not normal - and might indicate she has a few issues with coping with day to day life

NO it's not acceptable and you must address this

But go easy On her hey

Senpai I know what you mean - I am currently at the heart of a dispute that is absolutely one sided. And I am trying desperately to keep a dignified silence in the hope that people who know us know that the other person is a 'drama llama' (absolutely on the nose, that description!! ) but it's really bloody hard. I keep hoping it'll blow over and I won't have to say anymore on the matter but the other person is actually being a complete dickhead and trying to turn others against me now by twisting what really happened. If it goes on much longer I may have to make a few text message screen shots known!! I won't be proud of it but it might be necessary to put said dickhead in their place and put the matter to bed once and for all.

Sorry to hijack the post but sometimes an underhand tactic can be used for the right reasons.

Awful.
To subject her grandchildren to this.
Have you checked the beds and the sheets? I would nit be able to sleep in smelly sheets, I'd be sick.
Where will the children sleep, is it clean?

Senpai - yes true it was the MIL who made the snippy comment but that's because the OP went up to the MIL rather than the FIL. Wonder what he might have said if she'd approached him instead to point out that there seems to have been some kind of mistake?

Don't make a fight out of it, that is probably what she wants. Just book somewhere else and get DH to say (very gently and reasonably), 'Mum, you might want to have a word with (insert cleaners name), she's really been letting things go in there.'

Whether you leave, or say you have to deep clean first...you'll probably offend either way! I'd leave!

In was going to ask if perhaps MIL was very elderly and so no longer able to keep on top of things or even notice, but it certainly doesn't sound that way!!! In the circumstances I think staying somewhere else is the best option...

I wouldn't get involved at all. I'd tell dh, he'd see for himself, then he would speak to his parents. It's not my job to deal with this sort of personal shit.

If they turned up with marigolds and bleach I'd feel bloody awful.

I wonder what the response would have been if dh had spoken to his dad. Cleaning is not women's work.

I wouldn't be looking for somewhere else that's close enough to visit tbh, don't concern yourself with seeing them for the days off you have.

Decide how far you're willing to drive, how much your budget is, and let that be your guide.

Even going home and having a few day trips would be better.

Are the beds even ok to sleep in?

Run,run and never return😀

There is not a single chance in hell I'd be cleaning my mil's shit off a toilet seat.

She sounds like a treat, honestly book yourselves an Airbnb and don't feel even a tiny bit bad about it.

So not sure by your post but do you mean your in laws haven't yet met your baby who is 12 months.?
If yes, perhaps she is annoyed they've not yet seen their grandchild?

Not acceptable though....and not thoughtful or hygienic especially for little ones. Leave tonight, otherwise how will you go to the loo if you don't clean it? Yuk!!

"Oh forgot to add it's her mess because she spends time in the flat during the day, it's kind of attached to her house so she goes in and out and doesn't let it out. Her mum used to live there before she passed."

No way would I clean this up! I would definitely take photographs, because you just know she's going to pretend to others that it was fine, and I would take pleasure in having absolute proof she's lying.

"I know mil will hit the ceiling if we say we can't stay here."
Then perhaps you should offer to swap instead - MIL/FIL move into the shitty flat; you, her son and her darling grandchildren take the house. It would be worth suggesting just to see how she'd get out of that .

Have you tried Sykes Cottages - never had a bad one yet, neither have other family members. So sorry this has happened to you

I really feel for you, it's so unwelcoming isn't it? I remember meeting my ex MIL for the first time, husband to be and I were staying there and she'd made up some form of 'bed' on the floor, right next to the pillow was a big massive cat shit - she couldn't have not seen it! The whole place was stinking but the cat shit next to the pillow, well I could have cried. I didn't even say anything to husband to be because I didn't want to embarrass him but I DID make sure I slept on the non-cat shit side.

I'm feeling really petty now because I was appalled about how damp Exp's Dm an Df's house was. With young Dcs I used to air their bedding in front of the coal fire every evening. There was a lot of dog shit outside too, but we were fed well and welcomed.

Did you stay the night OP or escape ?