Friends forget, we remember... Every single year!!!

[Bipet1984]

Our best man and wife forget our anniversary!!! EVERY YEAR!! And after it’s gone they go: "sorry guys, we’re rubbish." On the other hand we get them a little pressie and a card for their wedding anniversary. Every year.
Wouldn’t you think if you wanted to remember something you’d jot it in the calendar after the 1st time?

Would you stop the present and card for their anniversary or would you carry on?
I don’t want it to look catty by stopping acknowledging their anniversary but at the same time it would be nice even if they just remembered the day.
AIBU? It’s not that much about the anniversary, it’s more about the principle.

We always had cards from parents, aunts and uncles (and grandparents and great-aunts/uncles when alive). Siblings a bit patchy. I send one to the people I was bridesmaid for when I was 11, for special anniversaries.

Never thought of it as anything personal, as the wedding is a public declaration . But it does tend to be a close family thing. And more the older generations.

My MIL and her sister were very 'cardy' and I still get a tenner in one from my auntIL even now

I have 3 sisters, all married at one time, I couldn't tell you the date of any of their weddings beyond a sort of time of year / month. The only wedding dates other than my own I even remember are my Parents' (now dead and divorced long before then) and the wedding of mutual friends where we met - this was because DH and I met there, because it was the day before my birthday etc.

I still don't send them a card.

Just stop the card and present buying, they probably won't even notice, but if they do just say...'Oh we forgot' leave it at that, and just don't give it anymore thought!

I'd definitely stop.

I send anniversary cards to my parents, and to the 3 friends couples I've been a bridesmaid for. I won't be offended if nobody apart from DH acknowledges ours though.

In 10 years of marriage, I've received 4 anniversary cards. 3 from my parents. One from DH one year, when he somehow made the link between the date of his best mans birthday and our wedding was the following day. Think that may have been year 4? And only because it was best mans 30th did he know when that was!

Oh no you're 'that' friend. The super nice one who just won't get the hint but won't stop sending presents for every single occasion going. Yes I know I sound horrible and ungrateful, perhaps I am, but it's always stuff us/the kids don't need, we are skint and busy and it just causes unnecessary stress and cost to reciprocate. I much prefer just a nice text or similar showing they remember.

Seriously, I bet they really like you. But they just want to stop this madness and enjoy being your friend for the next 50 years.
Just stop and never mention it. They will be so pleased.

Hope my lovely friend reads this not knowing it's me and understands.

My MIL and DH's aunt remembers our anniversary but that's it, apart from us. We don't care. One of our nephews was born one of our anniversaries so the family focus on that instead.

Some people's wall planners must be chocka.

May 1st: anniversary of death of Pauline's son's friend's hamster. Send a card
May 2nd: anniversary of Doreen from the Bingo's boob job. Send a card.
May 3rd: anniversary of Big Jim from the corner shop's big golf win. Send a card.

I think it's a bit odd to expect your best man to remember and mark your wedding anniversary, tbh.

Well odd.

You celebrate with your husband or wife, not with your best man FFS.

I'm in the wedding- anniversaries- are- for - the - couple - to 'celebrate unless it's a big one with a party!

I think the card and celebrations industry does a very good sell on what we should celebrate.... I saw a happy divorce cards and on the death of your pet...

I always said if I wanted a low cost /high profit margin I would manufacture greetings cards....!

If a best man is supposed to remember the anniversaries my bf would probably have 2or3 a week throughout summer! He's apparently been the go-to guy when his mates need a best man for years now even done one friend twice

I would stop with the cards and presents OP. Your friends clearly don't put the same emphasis on anniversaries so your well-meaning presents might be embarrassing for them. You do sound like a lovely friend though

Have you ever thought that they are "forgetting" on purpose in the hope that you'll stop this ridiculous charade of buying them presents and cards every year? If you give a gift, then they probably feel under pressure since they haven't given one.

Nobody else celebrates anniversaries except for the couple! Unless it's a milestone anniversary.

I don't think our best man would remember our wedding anniversary even under interrogation.

As long as DH remembers, that's all I care about. I only send cards to others if it's a big one and if I remember.

I'd find it weird if friends or family gave us an anniversary card, 25th, 50th anniversary maybe, but then I'd have a party

We don't even send each other wedding anniversary cards. In fact it was my anniversary yesterday (16 yrs) and I did remember to say happy anniversary to DH whilst we were wrangling the DC out to school. I don't either of us remembered last year.

Not everyone sets great store by "significant" dates and I don't think your best man does. I would find getting an anniversary card from someone other than DH weird and uncomfortable. I accept other people would be pleased to get one.

I think a wedding anniversary is for the couple really, I wouldn't expect anyone else to remember it beyond the first anniversary which a lot of people do. But some people are more orientated by dates etc that others.

I never remember or send cards for anyone else's anniversary.

I think it's odd TBH.

Dh and I forgot our own one year😓 That was during a very stressful time in our lives. Not forgotten since but I certainly don't expect anyone else to remember or send a card.

Good grief! I've been a bridesmaid 4 times as an adult and I have no clue when their anniversaries are! I find it extremely odd that the in-law family send us an anniversary card. A gift is a bit ott! Maybe just send a card from now on.

I'm intrigued as to what present you send. I'm definitely in the no card sending camp too.

And I can't get my head around the suggestion upthread that it must be a thing because the shops sell anniversary cards other than the to my darling husband and to my dearest wife ones. Er maybe because lots of people don't want to send named cards because they are naff and schmaltzy.

What 'principle', OP?!

Is it that you think because you send them a card and a present, that they should reciprocate?

If so, YABU.

Two of my very close friends from school are married to each other and I sent them a card for their first anniversary, but nothing since. Same for my mum, she remarried a couple of years ago and I got them a bottle of bubbly for the first anniversary. My parents divorced before they hit any of the really big milestone anniversaries but I suppose if they'd made it to silver or whatever they I might have got them something for that. I definitely don't send cards to my married friends every year though, let alone presents!

I don't think it's weird that you do, I think it's sweet and thoughtful if that's something you want to do. But I think YABU to expect the same in return.

I do not expect any sort of gift or card from anyone except for DH. Maybe off the kids, once they're old enough.
My PILs give us a card, which I find odd considering they don't even acknowledge their own anniversary between themselves. No card, no meal out - not even for a recent biggie!

My own parents never bothered to send a card after our first anniversary, even though up until a few years ago I still sent them one (stopped for same reason as you I suppose, never reciprocated!)
But to expect, and get upset over, one from a friend is unreasonable IMO.

I thought the usual "principle" was that only the actual married couple care about their anniversary after the first one.