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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friends forget, we remember... Every single year!!!

151 replies

Bipet1984 · 10/06/2016 14:23

Our best man and wife forget our anniversary!!! EVERY YEAR!! And after it’s gone they go: "sorry guys, we’re rubbish." On the other hand we get them a little pressie and a card for their wedding anniversary. Every year.
Wouldn’t you think if you wanted to remember something you’d jot it in the calendar after the 1st time?

Would you stop the present and card for their anniversary or would you carry on?
I don’t want it to look catty by stopping acknowledging their anniversary but at the same time it would be nice even if they just remembered the day.
AIBU? It’s not that much about the anniversary, it’s more about the principle.

OP posts:
RunLillian · 10/06/2016 14:31

Dubious how long have you been married?

pambeesley · 10/06/2016 14:31

Nope. I'm afraid I think you are a little strange. I don't even celebrate my parents anniversary unless it a big one!

Knockmesideways · 10/06/2016 14:32

We siblings tend to remember each other's anniversary but I've nevefr sent a card let alone a present to friends or other relations. Sorry, I'm with your best man!

pleaseholdyourcallisimportant · 10/06/2016 14:32

If they are otherwise good friends then I would let it go. I don't know anyone who remembers other peoples wedding anniversaries. I would still continue to send them a card - if you are card sending people and remember that we don't give to receive.

scampimom · 10/06/2016 14:32

AIBU? It’s not that much about the anniversary, it’s more about the principle.

Er...what principle?

PaulAnkaTheDog · 10/06/2016 14:34

I don't know anyone who celebrates or marks someone else's wedding anniversary. Confused

DubiousCredentials · 10/06/2016 14:35

11 years. We get cards from parents, one sibling, a few aunties and uncles, grandparents, a couple of cousins, one or two friends? Maybe 10 cards? I always send an anniversary card if I have been to the wedding.

Anniversary cards are plentiful in the shops and not just husband and wife ones, so presumably it is a "thing".

Sassypants82 · 10/06/2016 14:35

YABVU, anniversaries should be between the married couple only. Why on earth would you think anyone else would be remotely interested?!

feckity · 10/06/2016 14:35

AIBU? It’s not that much about the anniversary, it’s more about the principle.

If it's not about the anniversary then what's the principle? That if you give someone gifts they should get you gifts back? Cos that's a pretty shitty principle. Gifts should be about the giving, not about what you get in return.

ShatnersBassoon · 10/06/2016 14:35

The give to receive principle, obviously.

BYOSnowman · 10/06/2016 14:37

I find it odd you acknowledge their anniversary every year. Wedding anniversaries aren't that big a deal are they?

I would imagine they would be relieved of you stopped as they probably mean to reciprocate every year, forget and then feel really bad when you give them a gift!

feckity · 10/06/2016 14:38

Anniversary cards are plentiful in the shops and not just husband and wife ones, so presumably it is a "thing".

Cards seem to be one of those things where supply creates demand, you can find some very niche cards - Good luck in your driving test to my granddaughter's fiance's dog!

Waltermittythesequel · 10/06/2016 14:38

I never acknowledge someone else's anniversary! It wouldn't even cross my mind to.

YellowBucket · 10/06/2016 14:39

YABU a tiny bit. However anniversaries are clearly important to you and it must sting a little that your greetings aren't reciprocated.
Only my in-laws get us a card every year. It is nice of them but after the initial wedding I saw the day as being for us, not in a selfish way, just not a reason for wider celebration.
I will occasionally get a "goodness! X years ago..." from members of our wedding party and will send similar to friends.
It's a little bit different if you are throwing a party for a significant anniversary and its ignored. I'd be upset then.

DubiousCredentials · 10/06/2016 14:40

feckity I get what you mean but there are loads of anniversary cards in the shops, not just one or two. Whole separate stands of them in our Tesco and Morrisons at this time of year.

Bipet1984 · 10/06/2016 14:40

Fair enough... the majority seems to think anniversaries aren't a big deal.
We get quite a few cards from relatives and close friends (including the maid of honour), so just thought the best man and wife would remember too. That's all :)

OP posts:
Iknownuffink · 10/06/2016 14:41

First world problem.

BareBearBum · 10/06/2016 14:42

I'd be surprised if my friends even remembered enough to send a text, let alone a gift.
I've always seen it as a personal celebration tbh and would cringe myself inside out if I received a gift from our best man every year!
Also couldn't tell you the date of my much loved family and friends weddings. Not a scooby!

feckity · 10/06/2016 14:44

Dubious Yeah I know, I was just musing on the weirdness of the more niche offerings Grin.

We have received anniversary cards from DH's close family, but I find it a bit odd each time, and would struggle to remember anyone's anniversary except for our own.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 10/06/2016 14:44

We get quite a few cards from relatives and close friends (including the maid of honour)

your best man is normal, this is odd! you have unusually thoughtful friends!!!!

ProteusRising · 10/06/2016 14:45

"Would you stop the present and card for their anniversary or would you carry on?"

I would stop because it's extremely weird to do this.

"I don’t want it to look catty by stopping acknowledging their anniversary but at the same time it would be nice even if they just remembered the day."

Would it? Why?

DubiousCredentials · 10/06/2016 14:45

I think I am going to stop sending anniversary cards now after reading all these replies Sad Bet my friends and family think I'm a right weirdo Grin

molyholy · 10/06/2016 14:46

Yabu.

Floggingmolly · 10/06/2016 14:47

Bless you, op. Why would the date you got married have any relevance to anyone else?

IPokeBadgers · 10/06/2016 14:47

I agree with Feckity :

The reason they forget is because it isn't important to them. The reason they apologise is because they know it's important to you.