Are you serious i am 15 years old!!!!!

[Ohmygodareyouserious]

As the title would suggest my daughter is 15 and in year 10 (4th year old school). I take her I phone off her at 9pm every night (wind down time), she has a 10pm bed time (although with her faffing always more like 10.30) and a curfew when she goes out at the weekend. Last night she exploded, apparently I am the ONLY mother of, not only all of her friends, but the whole of her school, that thinks it is reasonable to treat a 15 year old this way!! She is old enough to regulate her own bedtime, curfew and internet use apparently and everyone else's parents that she speaks to think that I am crazy. I do know that all of her friends are allowed their phones all night as hers is constantly lighting up whenever I go into the kitchen (sometimes at gone midnight) which to me means they are obviously not regulating their use. AIBU? Please tell me that I am not the only one, I am beginning to feel as though she is hard done too.

My son is 16 and loves his tech. The rules are no screens after bedtime on school nights (about 10.30/11.00) but he does take his phone to bed on Friday and Saturdays and in the hols. Computer must be turned off by about 10.30, although he's only allowed on that at all at weekends while he's doing his GCSEs. It's bloody hard with kids and tech, especially as us adults spend so much time with little screens. But enforcing boundaries is essential. We tend to operate an 'our house, our rules' approach. He accepts it but doesn't like it.

YANBU - I would do the exact same when mine get to that age.

When they are in their teens that's even MORE of a reason to be enforcing boundaries. I was a little shit and even though my Mum was strict, I managed to get away with sooooo much. So really it's a good thing she was strict with me else who knows how I'd have ended up....

She will thank you one day, as I did with my Mum. Even though growing up I felt she was the worst Mum ever not letting me go to underage raves, or having the latest phones or letting me stay out past 10.... Other parents were to lax with their children - now half of those children are ambitionless twenty-something year olds who have their own children with ZERO manners.

I am grateful for my strict Mum. However my advice would be to try and compromise as it will give her more of a sense of freedom and you will appear more understanding. If she wants to stay out till 11 instead of 10, let her but make sure it's 11 and no later. If she wants her phone for an extra hour, allow her. It's not totally going against your rules but as she gets older she will naturally want more freedom... :)

I do t regulate bedtimes in holidays but term time yes absolutely!! My child is much younger, bedtime 730 but often stays up til 930 on Fridays and holidays
Absolutely no phone in the bedroom, she'll be up all night!

Maybe it's a liiittle strict, but it's not unreasonable. Maybe extend her bedtime for half an hour?

Plus, I could imagine that other children with parents that have rules like that don't exactly walk around bragging about it.

So, how could she know what exactly other parents do/don't do?

DS2 is 15, his phone comes down at 10 sun - thurs, and 11 on fri and sat nights. By the time he comes and fetches it at 7/7.30 am it sometimes has 40 or so snapchat/fbmessenger/whatsapp/texts on it.

I wouldn't give in to the explosion. I would say you're willing to talk about it when she's more reasonable.

I'd give up on the bedtime, let her have her phone an extra hour (until 10?) and still keep it downstairs.

Ie you've still won the overall big picture but she feels listens to and their have been concessions made.

*there. Bastard.

Oh goodness that does sound strict. Maybe tell her when her phone needs to be put down in her room in a place she decides away from the bed. It does sound a bit strict sorry I'd be careful not to push her away

OP - you are not alone. Our teen ds's have to bring their phones downstairs at 9pm, and bedtime is at 10pm. Ds 1 needs his,sleep and any later and he's a wreck the next day. During holidays, rules are relied, although they are still not allowed phones in their rooms at nighttime.

i'm actually surprised how many people don't regulate screen time and say you are controlling. If you are controlling, then I am to, although I prefer to use the term parenting.

I havent had a bedtime set by my parents since i was about 10 years old.

Mobile phones and computers were only just starting to come out then and i remember having a mobile at age 12 but there wasnt any restrictions on it.

Me and my sister never really had rules as such regarding coming in at a certain time etc and because of this we never actually stayed out late or rebelled etc as there was nothing really forbidden and therefore the forbidden fruit so to speak wasnt interesting.

I think at 15 she needs to learn that if you choose to go to bed late and then you are tired in the morning then its your own fault. I would let her work this out for herself though.

PS. Just reread my post, and realised he last sentance could be mis-interpreted. I meant that part of my parenting role is to set boundaries etc for my children, not that if you don't you are not being parents. Everyone has a different parenting style.

Not sure I have explained that well.

As Save - If you constantly police kids not only rebel but don't develop internal regulation. Personally I think you are treating your 15 year old young adult like a 7 year old and am not surprised she reacts like a 7 year old with a tantrum.

I expect my teen to self regulate.

Sometimes he does stay up late on tech but he gets himself up and out to school early with no assistance so to me it's a non issue.

Come to think of it she is almost at an age were she is legal to be a mother herself.

So if she is 16 in a month for example and became pregnant as she is legally allowed to do so would you still give her a bedtime and restrict her mobile use?

It's never illegal to be a mother. If she becomes a mother at 16 the mobile phone keeping her up will be the least of the sleep worries.

So if she is 16 in a month for example and became pregnant as she is legally allowed to do so would you still give her a bedtime and restrict her mobile use

Only on MN

I guess phone usage would be the least of the OP's worries.

I agree - only on mumsnet!

My point was she is almost an adult and the bedtime routine and electronics seem to trivial compared to what she is legally nearly old enough for.

So not to*

Not read the whole thread.

My 13, 15 and nearly 17 year old take their devices to bed. Of course I can't tell my 17 year old he can't anyway, he's a bit too old for that.

I have no problem with them taking it to bed. If they stay up too late on it and feel tired the next day it's the natural consequence and their lesson to learn. They all did it once, don't think they did it again. I can't imagine telling a 15 year old that they have to have a wind down period and aren't allowed phones etc in bed, at that age they should be able to sort their own sleep patterns out or learn from their mistakes.

You're completely right.

Good policy for everyone regardless of age is no screens (smartphone, tablets, PCs, TV) one hour before bedtime to permit brain wind-down time.

10pm bed seems right for a teenager on school nights. No fixed bedtime Fridays and Saturdays.

More parents should adopt your policy!

Age 14/15 you need to start learning to make your own mistakes and self-regulating. I remember being that age, staying up on MSN until the early hours and then struggling my way through maths lessons the next day a few times.

The set bedtimes from an earlier age had taught me how I should feel when I was rested and on top form, and I had gotten used to feeling as awake and energetic as a teen could.

You've put a great blueprint in place so she knows what a healthy sleep routine is. Concede a little, let her choose when she goes to bed, don't make a big thing of it, and ensure she knows you trust her to make her own choice. She'll stray a little initially but it won't hurt her.

A 15 year old with a bedtime? I assume your Dd is quite young for her age? If not, yes YABU.

Good policy for everyone regardless of age is no screens (smartphone, tablets, PCs, TV) one hour before bedtime to permit brain wind-down time

Yes but in reality not many people do this do they? Dh and I always watch tv before going to bed like most couples I imagine.