I probably am....but what is it people expect when they have kids exactly??

[GreatFuckability]

In the last few weeks I've had so many friends and family members, talking about and getting upset over and even crying about their children starting school/moving up a school year/going on residential trips, and it baffles me.

I mean, children grow up, right? when people have babies do they not consider the fact that they will, usually, at some point grow up and go to school, and move out and get their own lives. Isn't that the point? we have the children and its our job to equip them with skills to become independent functioning adults?

I do understand that it can be hard to let go, I do. I do also feel those 'awww' moments when looking back on when they were small and cute and couldn't talk and annoy me by being awake when i want to watch Game of Thrones but I just dont understand people's reaction. One acquitance posted that she was 'losing her child forever' because she's starting half day nursery. Over react much??

And surely its not fair on the child either. Kids aren't daft, if they see their parents getting all sad and crying when they transitioning to new things, its going to make it harder for them. children are people, not possesions.

or perhaps i'm just a heartless old bag?

When my goddaughter was an out four, I mentioned something about the future to her mother. It was something that was probably to be considered in five years or so. Her mother literally screamed "no I can't talk about it, stop, stop". It freaked me out.

I agree totally, OP.
I always want to respond by asking if they'd prefer a child like the child of a woman I know. The poor child was oxygen deprived at birth and will never walk, talk or not need nappies. He will be a baby forever and will never grow up.
But I don't say it.

This song sums it up.

They just grow up so fast

I'm enjoying watching my dc grow and develop. The baby and toddler stages did my head in and I'm glad that they're getting to the stages where I can talk to and reason with them. We can share jokes and have fun. I can leave them to play in the garden or at playgrounds and not have to follow them around - I can relax more. I'm looking forward to them growing up and gaining independence because I find being needed too claustrophobic - I never realised quite how much until I had them. Also, when they're at school/nursery or when I've gone out without them, I don't actually miss them that much. I know they're safe and they always seem happy to be left and happy to be picked up so I don't worry about them when I'm not there; instead I just revert back to being myself, the person I was before they were born and get on with whatever I'm doing. Yes I realize how cold that makes me sound but that's the truth.

When dd first went to school I sniffed and gulped along with the rest of them. Second year, after 6 weeks of sunner hols I whooped like some one who just got parole.

I have been posting my children away since they were about 3 or 4, to extended family. i think it's important for them to create relationships with other family members who will love them come hell or high water. I love my dcs to the end of the earth; I want them to set forth understanding that they are loved and loveable even if I am not the mother they would like. I love it when my children go away. I would like to provide a safe place should they need to come back. That safe place means that my husband and I have a relationship which includes love and respect.

Another heartless old bag here

Of course there are moments of wistfulness, especially for big things like the end of primary school or saying goodbye to the child under who's looked after them since they were wee, but no weeping and wailing required

Wtf, SUMMER HOLS

Child under = child minder

Totally with you OP. Am a farmer's daughter and in many ways am as hard as unsentimental as they come but have to admit:

1. I totally broke my heart (as did all the other parents) when DS had his primary leaving assembly 2 years ago. They showed stills and videos of them all from Reception to Year 6 with Snow Patrol Chasing Cars background music. There was no hope for anyone.
2. I cry at DIY SOS...

I blame FB
YANBU, OP- we have children so they can grow into their own, independent people. Sure we may feel some regret when a phase is left behind but that should be small by comparison to looking forward to the new opportunities, and that's what we should be telling our kids!

Oyster - for you you bastard :o

Wait, you're not talking about FB posts?
Mwaaahahahahah.

They took the word gullible out of the dictionary, go look if you dont believe me. Those same women would elbow their own children away from the buffet in a famine.

I have 5DCs, my eldest 4 are 26mths apart. When DD1 went to school, she had already been in nursery full time since she was 8 months (on and off over the 4 years) so we were ready and used to leaving her. Even her first day at nursery, I was fine, so was she. None of the DCs have been clingy. My cousins were clingy, it really was odd to me - I wasn't allowed to be clingy. DH and I have raised our children to be independant. We have tried to encourage them ASAP to sit, stand, walk, read, write, dress etc...... We've met with HCPs who have told us that the DC's advanced levels are not normal, the control over the DCs is not tight enough, the children could be put into danger. Our defence is that we are supposed to be teaching them about danger, how to spot it and how to react to it before it happens. It doesn't mean we ever put them in danger and we are always there to help them......

The lump in my throat comes when my 3yr old tells me that 1+1 is 2 and 2+1 is 3 and 3+1 is 4 but so is 2+2 mummy! Because I know that he is going to have no problems with the next challenge he may face. I get that feeling when they do something amazing like my antisocial-behaviour child is in a play and marches on perfectly, says his bit and knows every word to every song (he is 5). Bursting with pride, which makes me cry. They make my heart hurt sometimes (in a good way of course).

And then you get the "screaming like a banshee" moments where you can think of nothing better than 6-10 hours of peace when they go to school 8 weeks of summer holidays is too much!!

I enjoy all the growing up, getting older, starting school. But I also think feelings are feelings - my enjoyment is valid and so is someone else's sadness that a much-loved stage is coming to an end. No eye-rolling, just an appreciation of how different people experience the same thing differently.

Was very like you op until now where all of mine are teenagers (well almost dd3 is 12) and whilst it is really enjoyable and they are great. I keep looking at 18 year old dd1 thinking... " I dont want you to grow up and move away I want my girl here" We have recently moved and we were asked why we didnt buy. Reality is that in 6 years time I likely wont have any children at home..

That makes me feel weird...

Nothing wrong in feeling emotional during the leavers service on the last day of school.

However, I know one family that when the eldest ds started school, it was like a bereavement, and they were literally counting the days until the school holidays when they could all be together again.

I totally agree- we don't own our children, we are lent them for a few years until they are old enough to have themselves back.

I run a beaver colony and I'm not sure all parents understand that one of the points of scouting is to develop independence- they follow the children around like sheep.

My youngest starts school in September and im counting down the days.Freedom at last.

Do you think the Brass Band and cartwheels will be too much.

Yanbu I hate all that ridiculous shit!

I think the eye rolling is reserved for those who behave like it is a Andrew Lloyd Webber production. Especially when it is displayed in front of said children.

Generalised feelings of sadness just happen and no one disputes that. I felt sad at DD's leaving assembly as she was sad. I dont like seeing my children sad. DD2 was the total opposite and couldn't get away from all the snot and tears fast enough

💝 Heartless Old Bag Club! 💝 although I do feel a bit sad that my youngest child is starting school and therefore I officially have no babies

I can be as nostalgic as the next person - however I've become increasingly aware that nostalgia can be a big lie. Yes, there were good times when the kids were little, but honestly, I prefer it now. Yes, really. The past wasn't all that. It was full of drudgery and shit (literally) and mind-bending tiredness and a constant feeling of not measuring up. I've got myself back now, and the best thing is I still love the kids to bits.

Funny you should say that about the leavers' assemblies; I felt a bit manipulated by those. My DS left primary school (which hadn't always treated him well) with barely a backward glance and could hardly restrain his at all the heartstring-tugging songs. I wasn't going to go all sentimental on him when he really wasn't that fussed.

I think I may have cried at my kids year 6 leavers assembly, then I moved on and thanked god that there were no more bloody termly parent assemblies, or day time things like sports day that I had to get time off to to attend ,at least at secondary school all these things are in the evening, and no one cares if you dont go. Children are basically designed to grow up and then leave and start thier own family home surely that the point?