I probably am....but what is it people expect when they have kids exactly??

[GreatFuckability]

In the last few weeks I've had so many friends and family members, talking about and getting upset over and even crying about their children starting school/moving up a school year/going on residential trips, and it baffles me.

I mean, children grow up, right? when people have babies do they not consider the fact that they will, usually, at some point grow up and go to school, and move out and get their own lives. Isn't that the point? we have the children and its our job to equip them with skills to become independent functioning adults?

I do understand that it can be hard to let go, I do. I do also feel those 'awww' moments when looking back on when they were small and cute and couldn't talk and annoy me by being awake when i want to watch Game of Thrones but I just dont understand people's reaction. One acquitance posted that she was 'losing her child forever' because she's starting half day nursery. Over react much??

And surely its not fair on the child either. Kids aren't daft, if they see their parents getting all sad and crying when they transitioning to new things, its going to make it harder for them. children are people, not possesions.

or perhaps i'm just a heartless old bag?

I will ball my eyes out when DD starts nursery in November and I go back to work.

I don't think people expect anything different, it is just that there passage of time is so quick that you're never quite ready for it.

I will be all heartless with you. I usually roll my eyes when people go all misty eyed and start snivelling

Fluffy thats funny.

You are definitely not being unfair. I've always found this to be an inversion of my feelings (I am a heartless old bag) but was very happy when both my children started school and gained a bit of independence. (Them and me!).

I sympathize, but really it seems to me like if they continue that attitude they risk being a bit stifling to their children as they grow up. Over-involved parents - you're renting them, you don't own them. Maybe if you don't feel you have a lot else going on or something?

I've seen the flipside of this with a family member. Her intellectual disabilities mean she will never leave home, have a boyfriend, get married, have a job, have children. It's bittersweet because she's a perpetual child but her parents also have to worry about their own aging and what will happen to her when they're gone. Sadness at your kids' increasing independence may be easier to bear, I feel.

I didnt know what to say rabbit

TheMasterMurderedMargarita you may not understand why some mothers cry, but why call them weirdos? Some people are just more emotional than others. Oh, sorry, forgot, you are not supposed to show your emotions...

...also, feelings are not something you ought to be able to prepare your way out of. After all, we all know our pets are mortal, but we're still sad when they die, even though we hardly expected them to live forever.

My mother is queen of this -- she seems to think that any emotion which could have been anticipated (bereavement, the ending of a phase in your life, failures in jobs/exams/attempts, etc) can be safely dismissed. If you feel sad about something that could reasonably have been predicted, then that is just you being 'indulgent' or 'unreasonable'. Apparently, I'm only allowed to be sad if whatever saddens me has come completely out of the blue.

So maybe I'm biased in favour of being allowed to feel your feelings

I kind of feel the same as PP's, it's not sad to me to see them skipping off with new friends at nursery or going on an exciting trip. I don't really think about how I feel at the time. I worry, don't get me wrong, and I think that's normal but I don't cry on birthdays (like a relative did recently and I actually accidentally said what?!!! Isn't this a happy fun day???)
I think these occasions are fun and exciting, no time for sadness or maudlin feelings

It depends on what else is going on in your life. My dad died 2 weeks after my dd3 was born after being incredibly ill for months and I also was quite poorly myself for a while afterwards and I had bad postnatal depression and anxiety for 3 years afterwards. I found it very hard to let go when it came to her starting a private nursery and later on school nursery because she was the one that kept me going on my darkest days. I sobbed on her first day at school so yep probably was a weirdo to people who didn't know me

I've also watched mums sob when their kids went on a 2 day trip. In front of all the kids. I saw the teachers having a complete panic about the potential chaos this would cause and when my DD returned she said 'oh my god did you see that? I'm sooooo glad you didn't do it!'

Some people do love the drama and attention-seeking of keening and wailing over their children's transitions, but there is something to be said for the little lump or tear of the perfectly sane and well-balanced at the leaver's/graduation ceremony - it acknowledges that there were some happy times and proud moments, as well as just a little fear that now the little one is moving on to a phase that will be harder and potentially more painful. When a child is little they are so dependent on us, which gives us control (to a certain extent) and the ability to keep them safe. When they move on that control is gone, so there is a worry that they may become less safe.

I was about to say yabu, as I do get that wistful nostalgic feeling even though dd is only 2! But I celebrate her growing independence and embrace the changes in her, I've not got upset yet. I suspect I'll miss her when she starts preschool, but I'm sure I'll fill my time easily. I did just realise when looking at her the other day that she will not stop growing until she is a fully grown adult. That revelation hit me like a tonne of bricks. That's something I really should have realised a long time ago.

Meh, I get a bit emotional sometimes. The first time my dts tried on their school uniform I got a bit teary (no actual tears, just a bit of a crumply face)not in a sad way , more in a proud, happy way.

I dont think I am losing my children by them growing up, completely the opposite actually, but I do get a little bit overwhelmed and emotional sometimes at just how quickly it happens.

Don't live in the past. Teach your children to look forward to each new stage taking on new challenges. My DD explained that she was sad to be moving into the next year and sad not to have won a prize.,I replied , great result , you worked hard , achieved highly and none of us have to sit through a really boring speech day! She laughed- look for the positive side to transition .

I love how my Dd1 is growing but dd2 is definitely my baby. I sobbed when I dropped her off for her last day at nursery, cried the whole morning while she was there, cried when I picked her up (had to grab her and run), pulled myself together in time to take her to swimming that afternoon, but then sobbed again on the way back. I was practically dehydrated by the end of the afternoon .

I always get a little misty eyed at the end of the school year. Thankfully they'll be in after school club at the end of this half term .

I just can't believe people miss their kids after half term. I am so relieved when half term ends i could weep. Half term is a week where the kids whining for food is only punctuated by them not eating the meal I set in front of them. Half term is one long swimming trip in the cold. Half term is dragging myself round a 'farm' to see the animals (I know what a pig looks like and the kids couldn't give a shit) Half term is hell. God bless teachers. God bless em.

op how old r ur kids?

OP YANBU
I had a couple of tears brushed away quickly and used to have a few when DD went back on the train to Uni because I missed her and now only see her briefly three times a year but sobbing moving up a year , going on a residential...Really!
I did have a few tears for emotional journeys like last one leaving the Primary school that I had been a parent at for fifteen years. It was like a family and her teacher had been through lots of ups and downs with us as her children were in year group with my other two boys. It was a small school under 40 when we started and only 60 when she left but it was a couple of tears not a howling banshee moment. Cor my kids would have been so embarassed.

I love having teenagers, I love seeing them grow into lovely young men, I'm looking forward to them being independent capable adults with families of their own. But, my heart still aches for my babies and I wish I'd listened to everyone who told me how fast it all goes. I always put the brave face on and then cry when no-one is looking.

"In the last few weeks I've had so many friends and family members, talking about and getting upset over and even crying about their children starting school/moving up a school year/going on residential trips, and it baffles me."

I don't get it either. DD had some serious health issues when she was little and I had to be with her 24/7 when she was a baby. I also had to go to pre-school with her as her carer when she first started. When her health issues resolved themselves I was overjoyed that she could learn to be independent from me.

Going to pre-school on her own, and then school were positive experiences because it meant that she could manage on her own.

I don't get why people cry over getting rid of baby clothes either.

I did actually feel a bit sad after the end of the last school holidays. DS only started school this year and it was like going back to before he started, we went to the same places, met the same friends, didn't get dressed until after we'd had lunch in the garden in our pyjamas. So I felt a bit sad sending him back and having to get back to work myself!