AIBU to expect my daughter to accept my much younger boyfriend?

[Nephilim1964]

Hi to everyone reading this. It's a long story, but I'll try to condense it as I wouldn't want my first ever Mumsnet post to result in a spate of people lapsing into comatose states or just basically losing the will to live.

I'm a mum of 3 (grown) DDs and at the age of almost 50, I left my life in London to move to another part of the country to help my eldest daughter
after her divorce. I gave up everything, including my (then) 14 year old daughter to come here. I found a job and somewhere to live. I took a huge
pay cut and apart from my DD and my 2 lovely GC, knew nobody at all.

The man that I had been seeing for 9 years visited at first, but his long working hours and the travelling took their toll on our relationship and we
parted ways. We're still in touch and he's still my best friend.

However, eventually all the stress took its toll on me and I have now developed a heart condition brought on by stress. I've been made redundant twice in the 2 years since I've been here and my savings have all gone on living expenses. I'm generally a glass half full kind of person, but have been at a really low ebb. Anyway, last November, I was invited to a 50th birthday party and was asked to dance by a friend of the hostesses son. He was really sweet and respectful, and we got along really well. He asked me out several times over the course of a few weeks, but I kept turning him down due to his age - he was 24. Eventually I relented, but took it extremely slowly. I had no idea how badly my daughter would take it, but nothing prepared me for the anger and the vitriol that was to come - including saying awful things about me on Facebook. That was bad enough, but the thing that really broke my heart, was being unable to see my adored GC. I wasn't even allowed to spend Christmas with them and
Would've spent it alone if it weren't for my boyfriend's family taking me in.

Does anyone think that my daughter's justified in her behaviour or am I in the wrong for embarrassing her by taking a younger partner?

sips

Ha! I don't think it'll be him our child thinks is the "boring" parent. I might be younger in years but he's definitely more immature fun loving than I am!

My kids Dad moved to the other side of the world to live with a woman 22 years older than him and he seemed happy enough til he messed it up . If you're happy who cares about the age. Her children were like yours though. Her Daughter who is incidently the same age as him has never met him and hasn't been speaking to her mum for long since she cut her out once her Mum got into the relationship.
In my opinion it's no one else's life and as long as you have got things in common and he's not just looking for a Mother figure which you may find ... then go for it :)

Different perspectives I guess - he loves telling me about stuff that happened before I was born or aware and I'm fascinated by his experiences. Only see it as a bonus - more difficult to run out of things to talk about :D :D

Now I definitely wouldn't shag Bieber. Probably have Camilla instead if forced :D

posters don't have to image, you told us both ages. Justin Bieber is only two years younger than your boyfriend.

I wouldn't give up on you're daughter she will come round. You never know she may have put a thread up herself. She will get over it just give her time.

good for you sips hope your have a lovely marriage

laurie until its a law or something i think u should keep your nasty opinions to yourself-who knows people might one day think youre groteseque

Your younger daughter sounds cool

Your older daughter is not being reasonable, particularly by posting about you on facebook. She owes you an apology for that.

Good luck, sorry about some of the nasty posts

I'mm 33 and my partner is 53 we do clash at times but we make it work. I say 14 years and 4 children later.

YABU to expect but YANBU to hope......in time.

Thank you to the OPs that have been so understanding about my situation. I feel that I owe a more in depth explanation as to my actions regarding my 'abandoning' of my youngest DD. My ex SiL was very mentally abusive to my daughter and to my GC. As a result, my GD was starting to exhibit signs of MH problems and it was heartbreaking to witness. My youngest DD is incredibly mature, and also grateful that she hasn't had to deal with such a situation herself. She totally understood why I had to come. She also knows that I love her and that she also has a home here when she wants it. I hope that answers some of the questions.

Honestly, she has every right to feel how she feels and you can't change that. You also can't change who you love. Since you were able to give up the 14 year old, surely you are used to this kind of decision... you need to choose between him and your daughter/grandkids I think.

For two years though, with what looks like no intention of moving back? She was/is sitting her GCSEs and going through maturity, I just cannot understand how you think it was ok to move away for so long, even if she is 'mature'. I still find this all difficult to believe.

Can I ask, did your older daughter ask you to move up or did you offer?

I'm 24, it's very odd and my family would not be ok with it.

That said you gave up a lot to help your DD.

In answer to a previous question, my daughter asked me to move here several times.

Good for you Nephilim - you have been very gracious when faced with some pretty disgraceful comments.
As you have now revealed, there were good reasons for the choices you made to leave your younger daughter with her father and move to support your older one. It can't have been an easy decision. Give your daughter time and let us hope she will come round.

Thank you for that Adnerb95. The reason that I can deal with the less than gracious comments, is that nobody could think less of me than I have done of myself over this situation.

Ok, if the situation was so bad, why could she not move to you? Did she expect you to stay long term or just needed a helping hand getting it all sorted? Is there a particular reason she doesn't approve other than feeling embarrassed about it all? That she thinks it's a fling and doesn't want the children seeing it or she was expecting help but between working all the time and the new boyfriend she feels you're not there anymore? She must be really emotionally needy to both get you to leave your child for two years and now doesn't want you having a younger man.

personally i dont see why op needs to explain anything about her other daughter

its irrelvant to her thread and i bet she wished she hadnt mentioned it now

flying she hasnt given up anyone-im sure she discused her moving before she done it

why should she have to choose her dc is being a spoilt brat prob because shes not getting the same attention as she used to

I'm 46 and my boyfriend is 31. My kids, in particular my daughter, just said "Go mum!" I agree that age is just a number. Your daughter may come round in time.

Half your age plus 7 is the minimum.

Really? Who comes up with this shit?

I never read that rule book and don't think I would want to either.

You carry on and enjoy your life, you have already changed so much for this DD. She is an ungrateful jealous madam!

sipsmimthandlime

I'm sorry but a 64 year old can't have a better body than the average 30 year old. It's not just about being fat or thin, it's about body fat distribution and collagen levels in skin. Certain things just change.

You can date whomever you like but saying stuff like that is just silly.

On the other hand, I can buy that he's good in bed! Being good in bed is a skill so age doesn't necessarily diminish it. The ageing process itself is... not.