To have the rage with parents blatantly not rsvping to dds party

[Cluesue]

Dd who will be 4 next week is having a whole class party,party is for 30 children,any extra children who attend have to be paid for above the set price,baring this in mind(there are 30 in class and 6 friends children coming) I put an rsvp date (yesterday)and asked politely if they could let me know by then as I need exact numbers.

4 !! Replies the day the invites went out and none at all til yesterday evening,where I got 3 more,physically went to speak to 3 and outright asked if they'd got the invites,yes they had them,but no bloody mention of if they are coming so I'm just assuming they are.

Well I was so peed off that I got in touch with all the people who had bothered to reply to say they could bring siblings.

As it stands there are 27 children coming,but what the fffing he'll do I do about the other 20 who haven't bothered to reply,if they turn up I'm looking at forking out another £50 plus there won't be enough room or party bags,I'm tempted to tell the staff at the venue that if they show up they either pay themselves or go home again.

First big party I've done and it will certainly be the last

YANBU. It's massively rude. If they don't reply I assume they aren't coming. I do usually get a good response rate though, whether they are coming or not. This year one turned up who didn't RSVP and the food order had to be placed in advance, which had been stated on the invite. We asked her what she wanted and placed another order, but still rude of the parents!

haligh it reads as though she asked a couple of people whether they had received the invite but for some reason chose not to ask the obvious follow up question "will your child be attending? "

Yeah, didn't seem to be a "massive ask", actually, Schwabischer - in fact, most people were fine with it. And the 12yos came with BOTH parents, so no, there was no supervision issue. They just wanted to come to the swimming party and not miss out.

Maybe it's a massive ask for your friends, but not here.

This pisses me off so much.

I had a party for my youngest last year at a theme park. She invited 9 children and I still had no response from four of them two days prior to the party. This wasn't a cheap party by any means and I was so annoyed at the two who texted me at 6pm the night before to say they couldn't make it. One of them was going to a big football match - I doubt very much if they'd just bought the bloody tickets!!

In the end I invited a couple of siblings and we had a great day but it's so rude to not reply.

fuckincuntbuggerinarse you sounds like you've had a really shit time. Glad you are out

But you are in the minority with your reasonable excuse for not knowing. Most people just don't get round to it, and it's thoughtless.

When mine were little, I used to ask in the playground the Monday before the party. It was staggering how many said 'oh we're not sure'. Well, the answer is 'No', then! I learned to give invitations directly to parents, after one mum rang me to ask if a DC was coming to party that afternoon that I had no idea about. My DC had left invitation in drawer at school. And was cross with me for not knowing .

I didn't give invitations to children, or let DC hand out until they were in year 4. And then I texted the parents to let them know.

One DC got invited to an all year party recently - 60, not 30 - and I declined. Didn't know child, DC never gave me invitation (possibly as he didn't want to go). I told him in clear mums net speak that it was 'an invitation not a summons' and that if he didn't want to go to a party he still had to reply. Rude little bugger. Not how I brought him up ;).

And I am always tempted to leave a list of the people who have let me know they are coming to be ticked off at the venue so people are pulled up on their rudeness but of course I wouldn't do that as I wouldn't want to cause an atmosphere at my child's party or embarrass children who cant help their parents not having manners. I always make loads of extra party bags too for siblings, neighbours and whoever else gets brought along despite not being invited as it's not the kids fault and I wouldn't want them feeling left out. It is annoying when people who haven't replied waltz in, often with extras, without even a mention of not replying. I couldn't have the cheek to do that!

A pool party for twenty 5 year olds is mad though - pool parties are normal for much older kids who can actually swim.

If some didn't bother replying and some did but didn't turn up it probably was a big ask.

I don't invite my friends to my children's parties, I invite my children's friends and don't expect their parents to arrange childcare to supervise at a party I'm hosting.

I work weekends myself so would be unable to do 1:1 no siblings parties a couple of weekends each month. Fortunately nobody here throws the kind of party requiring every child to bring their own 1:1.

I'm aware of not putting people out when I invite their kids so don't organise the kind of thing that will require a lot of effort from anyone else, and that seems standard in my experience.

I've never let my dcs go to pool parties. Dd was once invited to one and the mother was running round the playground on the Friday asking if anyone could come along to supervise as the pool requested a certain number of adults. The very thought of 20 5-year-olds bobbing around in a pool with inadequate supervision is horrifying.

"fuckincuntbuggerinarse Wed 08-Jun-16 11:38:14
How can I give the invitations to the parents when I'm not at the school?

And what about invitations given to my ex that he doesn't pass on?

It's really not always just as simple."

Oh for heaven's sake, if you were replying to my post, I was not criticising you in any way. You'd made it clear you weren't in playground and had a problematic ex. It's clear it's not simple for you. What else do you expect posters to say? Not be pissed off at the lazy, rude, uncaring 99% because you have a tough time? Don't be ridiculous. Most people DON'T have a reason for not replying.

A pool party where there are non swimmers is a terrible idea! As is anything that involves parents having to strip off! Terribly entitled attitude!

It's my DS's party this weekend. We invited 40 (whole class) and have had 8 replies. And two of them were unable to make it.

I'm planning on standing by the classroom door at pick up time tomorrow with a pen and paper and asking every parent whether their child is coming and ticking them off on a list. It's so annoying that people don't Rsvp.

Same here. I've just had DD's 5th birthday party and 2 parents never acknowledged the invitation, never rsvped or said anything afterwards. Most of the other invitees I had to chase up to confirm they were coming and a couple just turned up.

Booboo is there any chance the two who never in any way acknowledged the party never received the invite (lost accidentally by their own 5 yo without them ever hearing of or seeing it) and therefore either have no idea there was a party or are authors of "AIBU to be upset my child was one of only two not invited to a whole class party" threads?

Why do parties? They are not compulsory. I take my DD and DS out with a couple of friends for a really good treat, and meal in a decent place (not the Ritz, but better than McD's!) No wrecked house, no angst, and my two do still get invited to parties. We discussed early on that perhaps if they didn't have parties they might not get asked - they didn't care as they said some of them are awful. My sensitive DD came home crying after her whole class (Yes, honestly - Mum had asked thirty seven year olds!!) had gone bonkers and ended up throwing trifle about. Another friend had some nine years olds getting into her laundry basket and launching themselves down the stairs while she was trying to stop two boys fighting in the back garden. Aaaggh!

The trouble is, if you haven't received an invitation and you know there's a party, all you can do is wonder whether you were meant to have received one or not. It would seem impolite to ask where your invitation is, even if you think it may have got lost, if you don't know for sure you should have had one.

Scwab technically it is possible but I saw both children (they were 6yos as well) put the invitation in their bags next to their school booklets which should be checked every day by the parents, so possible but unlikely. Only 3 parents out of 28 invitees rsvped (I gave a phone number, an e-mail address and I do pick ups and drop offs), everyone else I had to chase up.

Weren't you able to chase the 2 up the same way you did the others Booboo ?

Though I agree 3 out of 27 replying is a very low number and a lot to have to chase up. Could it be the culture in your area is "regrets only" more than RSVP usually? There do seem to be prevailing local norms with lots of things like this (like the fact in some areas parents all automatically expect to drop and run at 5th birthday parties and in others they all expect to stay at every party til the children take their driving tests are 6 or 7).

Tell me about it... I'm organizing a party that needs to be prepaid (not an inconsiderable amount too) and the amount of chasing up invites I've had to do is rediculous.

I'm manic at work (a lot of the mums don't) and even I can manage to send a bloody text and a release form and hand it to child to pass onto the party boy. grrrrrrr.

A release form? Presumably that one isn't a 5 year old's party? Something dangerous... maybe they are a bit wary?

No it's 'fire, theft and flood' type of thing for an activity day.

Oh how disappointing, thought it might be a circus skills day with trapeze skills, or something with motor vehicles or at least snakes :o

I have actually remembered DD once needed a release form of sorts (more a permission film stating she was over a certain height and had parental permission) for a climbing party, though she only had to take it with her on the day and it could have been done when she was dropped off. That's the only thing I've ever had to sign though!

Thank you everyone,rainbow sorry my post did sound abrupter than I meant,I really do not take offence.
I think what prompted the rage was one of the invitees older sibling in my eldest dds class saying"I have to come to your sisters party too because my mum is bringing my sister"the mother hasn't rsvp'd for the invited child,never mind bringing extras.

But...

I'm now going along the lines of ce la vie,what will be will be,if non responders turn up I'll pay the extra so that everyone has a good time and never do another big party until my girls are 18,unless I can persuade them into a holiday instead

this is not new - it happened to us 20 years ago. Sent out invitations to all class with a reply slip and our phone number - this was before mobiles/texts/facebook etc. Only 2 replies by rsvp date. So cancelled planned in-door activity for 30 children and took the 2 boys and son off for a day at the beach. When returned home found numerous messages fro irritate parents who had turned up at the venue to be told party had been cancelled. I politely explained not enough rsvps to make it worthwhile.

Sorry I missed page 5 when I posted last,Shwab,my children go on bus to school so I could only physically go on to 3 who live nearby,Facebook messaged 3 others only 1 replied to that,I have literally done all I can to get numbers.

But like I said,what will be,will be,will update next week with outcome