To have the rage with parents blatantly not rsvping to dds party

[Cluesue]

Dd who will be 4 next week is having a whole class party,party is for 30 children,any extra children who attend have to be paid for above the set price,baring this in mind(there are 30 in class and 6 friends children coming) I put an rsvp date (yesterday)and asked politely if they could let me know by then as I need exact numbers.

4 !! Replies the day the invites went out and none at all til yesterday evening,where I got 3 more,physically went to speak to 3 and outright asked if they'd got the invites,yes they had them,but no bloody mention of if they are coming so I'm just assuming they are.

Well I was so peed off that I got in touch with all the people who had bothered to reply to say they could bring siblings.

As it stands there are 27 children coming,but what the fffing he'll do I do about the other 20 who haven't bothered to reply,if they turn up I'm looking at forking out another £50 plus there won't be enough room or party bags,I'm tempted to tell the staff at the venue that if they show up they either pay themselves or go home again.

First big party I've done and it will certainly be the last

What would be wrong with letting the parent at the school know or passing a message on via the teacher if you didn't recognise them. I realise people can't always go but really no excuse for not replying. What if the host has had to scrimp and save to invite a few friends then ends up having to pay for yours who doesn't even turn up?

Please try and have a shred of empathy for those who may have good reason for not replying. I do know it's not many but there are some who will be in the situation I was.

There is a difference between not replying and not knowing.If you had come up to me in the playground and explained or note in bag I would of been fine.. No reply at all. If you had said can't get there.. I have took an couple of children in my car to party. You don't have to give a long explanation of contact..Simply it is weekend with dad I am waiting for an answer from him..It is the silence that is annoying.

I am a LP so not sure how relevant that it. I have replied to all invitations I have ever received.

My DS sent out 10 invitations for his party this year 10 back. I was happy.

I had one parent I approached on playground once..She said she hadn't recieved invitation. So I gave her details..She said DC could attend and then he didn't show.

Don't feel shit fuckincuntbuggerinarse, people don't get upset about one or two not replying as they generally understand that people will have good reasons like you. But the op is waiting on twenty replies

Well if you've put a note in the bag Id say you've replied. Not your fault if it's not passed on.

I'm sorry for your situation . But you could have sent a note via the teacher .

And you could also ask if anyone could give your child a lift to the party because you are " working / have to visit your sick mum " . You don't need to give a gift if you can't afford it .

I'm doing just that for a party on Friday as the mum is working.

And lots of kids stay with their dads some weekends, so just say " sorry he can't come he's at his dad's at the weekend " . No big deal .

Yes of course , if you are living in a refuge or dealing with a critical illness etc , people understand that you might forget. But I don't think that's the situation for 99% of parents who don't reply .

Yes it's the ones who don't reply then turn up with siblings and on one occasion friends and a cousin who were not invited that boil my piss! On the subject of presents/childcare for siblings etc surely if it's not convenient you can still spare 2 minutes to let the host know you can't make it?

haligh I didn't say I begrudge it, just that as party hosts we are asking other people to give up time and money to make our child (who the parent may not know) 's party a success.

Yes it's the right thing to do to rsvp.
A bit of grace from the host (an awareness that we are imposing somewhat on other people's lives - and that if there is the expectation parents stay without their other children this can be quite a big ask for some people) rather than anger and rage and "yah boo sucks Ive invited your kid but now Ive decided not to let them in if they come" at people's failing to follow a set timescale in RSVPing seems appropriate.

If a host wants a kid's party to work it is on them to follow up on unanswered invites IMO - of course it is polite and correct and considerate to RSVP, but if it is your child's party and your child who might be disappointed with low attendance or key friends missing or you who will be out of pocket or throwing money away it is somewhat baffling why the host would not follow up with direct face to face or telephone calls to ask simply "will little X be able to come to Y's party on the 15th?". Invites get lost and people can be disorganised though well intentioned - following up makes rational and practical sense as host, for selfish reasons as much as being nice.

I think Op is just shocked at the amount of non RSVP ers....I'm sure if was just one or two she wouldn't be chasing them or dissecting the circumstances for non reply.

20 is quite a lot though.

I go all out for my daughter's party every year as it's also my husbands birthday the same week and it gives us an excuse for a big family meet up. Every year I hand the invites out and the mums are as excited as the kids are. In their own words, our parties are the one they look forward to every year. Yet only around 5 people out of 30 will RSVP!! I have tried all sorts, adding them to fb groups and doing digital invites as well as paper, writing that siblings can come if they just let me know, writing my home, mobile and internet contacts and even stalked out the gates. Nothing helps.

Last year I booked the best exotic animal experience group (Oreo and friends) in the Uk and had 2 craft tables set up for 25 kids last year, 42 turned up after 7 RSVP'd. Some kids brought their cousins and neighbours ffs! I cater for ALL of the adults as well as the kids yet the adults will skip the obviously "adult" food offerings of home made stew/curry/chilli and eat all the kids cakes and fruit kebabs. I have found the easiest way to deal with it is to not get wound up. It's incredibly hard but all I care about is that my family and friends enjoy themselves. This year is a Wonderland party and I have just got the invites delivered from the printers today so am really looking forward to it. It's a formal sit down tea party for the kids with croquet, craft tables and a disco dome. for the adults, sausage rolls and buy your own drinks

Fuckin if you've passed details on to the dad then it's on him to reply.
I disagree that you're putting someone out by inviting them to a party. What do they say on the wedding threads? It's an invitation not a summons! If it's too much faff/expense then just decline. If you're happy for your child to go then accept.

Bah it's down to different ways of looking at it but I see my kid's partiesas a treat for my kids and am aabsolutely willing to call people who haven't replied and I see doing so as part of organising a party.

Just saying 20 people haven't replied and raging rather than phoning around or chasing up face to face or over whatever other method of communication is normal at your school seems like cutting off your nose to spite your face.

YANBU - it sucks. And it happens just as much here in Australia as it does in the UK. Rudeness just seems to be the order of the day now!

I've had big parties for Ds1 - 2 of which was a swimming party, and I was VERY CLEAR that older siblings older than 7 were not able to be included because it could make it dangerous for the 5yos. And still 2 12yos came along, but luckily they were girls and not too rumbustious (but they didn't get party bags!) However, at least everyone did pay attention to the "at least one parent needs to stay for safety reasons" - I wasn't taking sole responsibility for the 20 odd 5yos in the pool!

But people are odd - some reply straight away but don't turn up, some don't reply at all but do turn up, some reply to say maybe and then don't show (better offer, usually) and some reply on the day to say "we can come after all!"

It only bothers me in terms of party bags - so I usually end up doing spares, just in case. And if friends don't turn up because of illness, then I give them the party bags after so I don't have too much left over.

I think the op has tried to chase it up with a few of them but not sure what happened cos she still didn't get replies???

I don't get why you invited siblings because of people not replying. It's annoying when people don't reply but ime, it's about 50/50 on whether the non-repliers will turn up or not. You can't be sure though, so I wouldnt have invited extras.

I was thinking that as well. There's never been more than 1 or 2 not turn up to mine even when only half the class have replied.

Reading this thread has made me aware of something I have often read about--children, of intelligence, class, ethnicity, etc, who live in organised families have such a better start in life than children from disordered chaotic families. It ripples through every facet of life, whether it's RSVP-ing invitations or sitting exams or getting to job interviews on time.

I don't know what the answer is, really.

Insisting on a 1:1 parent supervision ratio and no 8 or 9 year old siblings is a massive ask Thumbwitch - what do people do with siblings if their partner works weekends or they are single? You are basically setting up parents to have to upset their kids by and be the mean guy who won't let them go to a party they are invited to.

Kids parties are a MN minefield though in RL I am happy they are small and drop off and nobody invites more than they can host or does much raging or "your names not down, you're not coming in because your RSVP was late" stuff.

Sorry, I meant that to read that children of all differing degrees of intelligence and from all different kinds of backgrounds...

YANBU. There's a reason for RSVPing, it's not just some archaic custom, hosts need to know how many are coming for lots of reasons.

DS has invited nine children (to make two teams of 5) to his birthday thing this year. I texted all the parents first to check they were the minimum height required for the activity. They all replied saying their kids were tall enough, one said she would confirm later if her DD could make it. That was three weeks ago, I texted her a week ago to ask if she could confirm yet, because DS would ask someone else if she wasn't coming. Still no reply.

It pisses me off because DS has plenty of other friends he would like to invite so I'll have to either keep harassing this girl's mum or assume she is coming and risk an empty place on one of the teams at the activity.