To have the rage with parents blatantly not rsvping to dds party

[Cluesue]

Dd who will be 4 next week is having a whole class party,party is for 30 children,any extra children who attend have to be paid for above the set price,baring this in mind(there are 30 in class and 6 friends children coming) I put an rsvp date (yesterday)and asked politely if they could let me know by then as I need exact numbers.

4 !! Replies the day the invites went out and none at all til yesterday evening,where I got 3 more,physically went to speak to 3 and outright asked if they'd got the invites,yes they had them,but no bloody mention of if they are coming so I'm just assuming they are.

Well I was so peed off that I got in touch with all the people who had bothered to reply to say they could bring siblings.

As it stands there are 27 children coming,but what the fffing he'll do I do about the other 20 who haven't bothered to reply,if they turn up I'm looking at forking out another £50 plus there won't be enough room or party bags,I'm tempted to tell the staff at the venue that if they show up they either pay themselves or go home again.

First big party I've done and it will certainly be the last

Brings passive aggressiveness to a whole new level, doesn't it?

I think some families do lead very chaotic lives, and literally can't say what they'll doing at the weekend. Then they 'turn up if they can' sort of thing - without thinking of the stress they cause the party mum.

We had a couple of dc in ds's old school who never replied, never turned up. One was Jehovah's Witness or similar - one just didn't seem to want to socialise around/with the school. They never had parties either, to be fair.

I've got off lightly compared to many! When I organized my son's party all but a few replied, some of whom said yes after I asked them. Generally no reply means they are not coming. I wish people could just take a minute to send a text either way.

One of the mum's in DS's class organized a whole class party at soft play and had a few no-shows on the day with no text to say they now couldn't come. This left her out of pocket as she had already confirmed numbers and paid the venue the week before.

YANBU. Nothing surprises me at all these days.

If non RSVP people turn up I don't make them pay but I never invite them again. Same with people who I have to chase just don't bother next time.
Once you get to year 1 you know who to avoid.

Sending a text takes seconds. It is incredibly rude not to reply. I can understand for those families going through a crisis. We spent about 6 months last year going back and forward to the hospital. I was stressed up to the eyeballs. But just being busy is not an excuse.

I was at a party not long ago where the birthday mum was expecting 40 children to attend and less than 20 turned up. She was very disappointed. I wasn't surprised. This year I purposely didn't do parties for my 2 because the previous year so few RSVPed and turned up. Next year I might try parties again but only invite children of parents I know quite well so I can chase them up easily if they don't RSVP!

Christ, this party thing sounds like a minefield, esp the whole class bollocks. when I was that age, the birthday child would invite about 5 friends to wimpy or something and that was it; sometimes you were invited, sometimes you weren't. now from my friends' children and nieces/nephew it seems that everyone is having whole class parties.

I wonder if the number of whole class parties has meant people are more blasé about it, because they know there will be many more parties during the year?

which isn't excusing it, btw. not RSVP'ing is absolutely rude. as is turning up with siblings who weren't invited. it's a party, not a free babysitting service.

I don't get it either. I always RSVP to DDs' party invitations. Like someone else said it takes 30 seconds to send a text. I must admit it really puts me off throwing a party for my two.

I wonder if the number of whole class parties has meant people are more blasé about it, because they know there will be many more parties during the year?

I agree with this. If a party is at home, or a trip out, then perhaps people are more likely to respond. With a party in a sports hall and a cast of thousands people may think Oh, no, not again, Johnny can go if we're not doing anything else. Still bloody rude, of course, but that's how people may think. If the whole class is invited somehow it's not a very special invitation.

Also I believe (cos I'm not on it) but on FaceBook there is a "maybe" response as well as a yes or no for invitations to things. Perhaps people with a less traditional view of what constitutes good manners may think it's perfectly acceptable to keep your options open. I've seen this on threads on here about weddings, too. An entitlement to not commit in case something better turns up.

I did a thread a while ago as sent out 20 invites for dd 6th birthday party and only had to chase 2....both lovely and really apologetic.

I was so over the moon that it was so easy. At Her new school it's much easier to sort stuff.

I remember doing a party a couple of years ago when she was at a nursery it was a nitemare....

Not surprised you annoyed Op it's basic manners to RSVP.

The thing is that YOU want a party for YOUR child.

For other parents is probably just another chore.

If whole class parties are the thing there is probably an invite a week in a household with 2 kids - all needing presents buying and ferring to and from and maybe expecting parents to stay to look after their own kids in order to make YOUR kid happy.

You are not doing people some kind of favour by inviting their child - especially if you expect parents to stay and haven't explicitly insisted on no presents. In fact you have basically asked other parents, many of whom you barely know, to provide company and presents for your child in order to help you to give your child a birthday party they'll enjoy.

Don't get me wrong I do parties every year for each of my 3 kids, starting at age 3. I must have hosted 18 or 20 parties for my kids.

I don't begrudge ringing around to see who is coming because my children invite their actual friends and want their friends at their parties. I see it as part of arranging the party for MY child to make sure I know who is coming so that MY child isn't disappointed.

Done that way we pretty much always have 100% of invited children attending.

I don't do whole class parties though - thankfully that daft idea is unheard of around here and long may that remain the case!

Its not only rude and unnecessary but its also - children we are talking about here.

This is what I don't get, the adult is doing this to a child.

Once I sent out only a few invites for a house party and one person responded, I had to face my child and tell her we would have to do something else because no one has responded.

It makes me feel sick, how can adults do this. Most of us do some sort of party dont we at some point? we know what its like to organise, plan and sweat over?

As soon as I get the invite I look at calender and respond if we can or cant go, so I dont forget.

For other parents is probably just another chore

So, respond to the invite and say you cant make it!!!!

I agree with this. If a party is at home, or a trip out, then perhaps people are more likely to respond

no we had house party, I saw one lady three times in the run up, out and about and asked her had she got invite " yes", I left it, second time " so I wonder if you know if X can make it yet, its a small party at our house"

Not sure

" so, party a few days away, can x make it"

Not sure!!!

Get text on the morning, family member visting cant make it.
I can barely look at the woman today.

Hairy I do respond and I try to get my kids to the parties they are invited to because I know that when my kids have parties they want their friends there, and that the same goes the other way around.

I am not saying not RSVPing is good, I am saying people are looking at this backwards.

Essentially we ask other parents to do us a favour in order to give our kids a wonderful birthday if we invite their kids to a party, we are not doing them the favour!

Oh for the days when a little tea party for a few friends, a few sandwiches, jelly and ice cream and a cake was the norm.

I see what your saying but the party is also providing a nice day out, stimulation, for your child too. I give out lots of gifts at our parties as they are small at the house. I would very much say for my own parties its a two way street. I have also done light snacks and drinks for the adults and with young dc its also a nice way for parents to meet other parents and chat.

If its a chore, fine! I get that but people should respond as quickly as they can to simply let the host know! Not responding or stringing people along is atrocious manners.

An RSVP is essential but - and I know the thread's not about this - whole class parties are awful. If every child in the class does this (and I know some schools have policies about inviting everyone) there are too many parties and it's the same old venues and food and party bag and it's not a special occasion any more. It's expensive for the parents, too, because one still has to buy a present and it disrupts Saturday afternoons.

I know it's far easier to have a soft play party, or a bouncy castle sort of thing in a sports hall so there aren't tribes of kids messing up your house, but all the magic has gone . Where's the fun in a party where the invitation is the same generic print-out, you don't dress up, where your present is just hurled on a giant pile, where it's noisy and sweaty and then you go and do the exact same thing a week later?

cup thats what we do and we have still had problems.

Its just as bad as a big party because if you only invite and one person responds.....

But as a general rule a hand-made invitation to a party at a house generates a better response than a print-out from Kidz Krazy Kingdom.

Invittes parents being cagey when asked face to face whether the kids can / will attend is downright rude and weird.

It is a whole different thing to not RSVPing to a paper invite found in a book bag... or not in fact found if they were sent home via kids - 101 things happen to invites between the hands of the inviting child and the hands of the invitees parents!

I invite kids and make sure the invites have the best possible chance of making it (for my early September birthday kid we drive to every house and put the invites through the post box).

I ask parents I catch in passing at Kindergarten or at football or in the playground or in the supermarket whether their child can make it - I don't see why anyone would ask "did you get the invite" without asking "will little Freddie be able to come?" - there is just no reason not to ask when you have the parent there in front of you.

My older kids know the onus is on them to chase up their friends so we are sure who is and who isn't coming, and whether anyone needs a lift.

If there is something going on for several guests meaning they can't come we will even move the date of the party (DD was invited to a sleep over birthday happening in a couple of weeks and WhataApped the birthday girl to remind her that there is a concert 3 invitees are involved in early the next day, so the party date has been changed to allow everyone to attend and not have to leave very early in the morning).

I'm looking at this from the point of view of being the host and saying if I want my kids to have a party I don't regard that as doing some kind of favour to their friends' parents, but rather asking a favour of parents - asking them to add another hassle and minor but never the less real expense into their life.

This applies in triplicate for small children where the host expects the adults involved to give up a chunk of time to be at the party of a stranger or aquaintance's small child - more so if the children are not mutally very close and even more where siblings are not welcome or have to be paid for.

Some party hosts on MN (though none I know in real life) seem to think that because they have decided unilaterally to host a party for their child that other parents should feel grateful... It is lovely to throw a party for our own kids because it makes them happy, but we are basically asking other parents to help us out to make it work, not offering them something they should be thankful for!

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne

Absolutely 100% spot on.

The parents who get their knickers in a twist the most are the ones who are only thinking about their PFB and are oblivious to the knock on effect of expecting a parent to take ONE child, plus present and then stay for 2 hours, usually on a weekend, thus breaking up the family or at the very least having to find childcare for siblings.

And, dare I say it, some kids don't really like parties. Mine never really liked the entertainer/church hall type and would spend the duration sitting on my lap, moaning, then scoff some cake and want to go home.