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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Random woman paid for customers coffee

234 replies

TheoriginalLEM · 07/06/2016 17:27

A gentleman came into the cafe and ordered a latte. He was a bit doddery and scruffy and was counting his money from money bags (checking he had enough i think). another customer paid for his coffee when she settled her bill for no reason.

AIBU to think this was patronising and embarrassing for the man? Maybe he just doesnt carry much cash but is perfectly able to pay for his own coffee

OP posts:

MoltoIncazzata · 07/06/2016 18:22

I don't understand this. Why the stupid reverse? Why didn't you just say what you'd done and ask for opinions?

FoolandFitz · 07/06/2016 18:22

Thank goodness for that. I was wondered why you were being so goady and could not understand why.

KateLivesInEngland · 07/06/2016 18:26

I'm perfectly equipped to pay for my own coffee but if somebody offered out of kindness, I'd take it and thank them very much.
This fucking offended culture really needs to stop. It's an absolute joke.

lozster · 07/06/2016 18:28

Hmm - a nice intention however I remember being a young teenager shopping in woollies with my sister. We chose a few bits of make up and knew we had enough money but in self conscious teenager style got a bit hassled at the till as, being kids, we had lots of coins. A man stepped in and paid for us and we were both mortified. I guess we were enjoying a bit of independence and were embarrassed at attention being drawn to us and the possibility that he thought that we couldn't afford what we had chosen. I think I would only step in if someone was short of a small coin or couldn't get on a bus as a previous poster said. If it was a random act of kindness that's a bit different but this wasn't random, it was targeted and based on assumptions about the mans means and abilities.

ChicRock · 07/06/2016 18:28

I fucking hate reverse threads.

Now there'll be pages and pages of posters who missed the update and it'll become another "cancel the cheque" though nowhere near as funny.

Yawn.

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 07/06/2016 18:31

Molton because i wasn't posting to be told how lovely i am , but because i genuinely worried i might have embarrased the man and felt bad. I just felt sad seeing him count out his coins - of course it might have been he had bundles of cash on his bank cards and wasn't spending enough for to use his card. I only had £2 left in my purse and it was a spur ofcthe moment thing. i hot footed it out of the cafe so don't know how he took it.

OP posts:

TrickyD · 07/06/2016 18:32

Molto she did a reverse because otherwise she would have got a lot of spiteful crap like this:

What a strange thing to post about.
Do you need a or a OP?

Courtesy of the likes of Loubilou09

Bearsinmotion · 07/06/2016 18:33

I've asked for my post to be deleted, misjudged the thread as a genuine request for honest opinions. Apparently I'm just part of the "fucking offended culture."

DailyMailYobos · 07/06/2016 18:37

It's a 'thing ' isn't it? I saw it on FB (I know eyeroll) a person can buy food or coffee in a cafe and 'bank' it so homeless people can claim the prepaid coffee or meal from the 'bank system' when they go in.

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 07/06/2016 18:38

i did intend on owning up to the reverse much quicker but too many people were posting.

sorry guys - really didn't mean to offend or bore anyone . Feel free to slap with wet salmon at will

OP posts:

starry0ne · 07/06/2016 18:40

YABU to post a reverse knowing the reception you would receive.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 07/06/2016 18:41

Jeez LEM - don't do this to me. I was just about to update my spreadsheet and move you from the "Good'un" column to "Plank" column.

You did a lovely, kind thing. Don't worry about it.

GarlicSteak · 07/06/2016 18:42

Suspended coffees or other random acts of kindness should be an everyday thing

Couldn't agree more.

It's something of a tragedy when they're viewed with suspicion.

Loved the story about the McDonald's queue!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 07/06/2016 18:44

I thought this was a 'thing' now? I see people paying for 2 cups of coffee in Costa, one for them and one ' hanging.'

MadamDeathstare · 07/06/2016 18:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Footle · 07/06/2016 18:46

It's been a thing in Italy for a long time, suspended coffee as PP said. I first did one in a small northern town about ooh five years ago. No one fainted. Man had cup of tea.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 07/06/2016 18:48

Bears nooo! I didn't read it as you being part of the fucking offended culture. Absolutely not. In fact, if it's true I will join the fucking offended by being fucking offended at the fucking offended fucking faux straight talking culture. Sorry I may have got lost in the fucklings but I know what I mean!

I think you made a perfectly valid point about assumptions and intention, which easily changes a kind gesture into an other-ing and patronizing gesture.

But maybe I have a different perspective from others due to my own wheels?

Lozster says it well too...

foreverandalways · 07/06/2016 18:51

My husband actually paid for a young Mums shopping a few weeks ago.....she was becoming agitated and stressed due to the fact that there was a queue behind her which she was holding up as she could not afford to pay for all she was hoping to buy.....she began to pass items back to the cashier when my husband asked the cashier to kindly put them back and the lady if it was ok if he paid for her shopping....I love my husband immensely..,..it was and is simply a kind gesture from one person to another....YABU!!!.....simply stop to think......

RaaRaaTheLion · 07/06/2016 18:51

I work in a cafe/bar type place and we actually have an RAK (random act of kindness) button on our till which allows us all, once a day, to clear someone's bill/let the company get it.

PausingFlatly · 07/06/2016 18:54

Well, last time someone started a thread like this, she got absolutely ripped up. Accused of only doing it to brag on MN later, called all sorts of nasty stuff.

So the people who piled in there have only themselves to thank for this one being a reverse.

As someone who shares the anxiety about whether I've done the right thing or mortally offended people, I completely understand the OPs' need for a second opinion. And think both OPs were lovely.

Bearsinmotion · 07/06/2016 18:55

Thanks Assortment

What is depressing about this thread is that those of us who have suggested this wasn't a great idea have just been ignored. It's not coincidence that those being ignored are those likely to be recipients in this scenario (disabled, short of cash). But hey, we're used to being ignored. Where has that second class citizens thread gone again?

Serialweightwatcher · 07/06/2016 18:58

Not read full thread, but seems people can't do right for doing wrong nowadays .... this is why so many people act so selfishly now because they're so frightened to offend others - more kindness should be shown all round and not be wary that 'what if this', 'what if that' - so ridiculous.

Original poster

TheoriginalLEM · 07/06/2016 19:00

Bears - i am not ignoring you. I think you make a really valid point and was what my concern. I probably should have just asked outright. Stupid reverse thread

OP posts:

PausingFlatly · 07/06/2016 19:01

Not ignoring you Bear, but I don't know what you said because you had it pulled.

I have wheels myself. And I've myself paid for someone caught short at the tills.

I'm sorry if you've had a patronizing fucker. Makes a lot of difference what is done, and how.

snowgirl29 · 07/06/2016 19:01

No. It was a kind thing to do.

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