Parents will not babysit, aibu?

[EveryCloudhasl]

Aibu to be really hurt and angry that my parents will never babysit because stepdad just doesn't want to? My mother used to babysit on occasion but has only once in the past year. I'm a single parent with no support what so ever, the father is no longer on the scene and I have no other family or friends that could babysit. The past 6 months have been awful for me after leaving my DDs abusive father then having to leave a job I loved due to having no childcare, In turn I have also lost my social life completely. I am very depressed atm if I'm honest but am bearing through and planning to make my future better. I have asked quite a few times recently of my parents will babysit one night so I can go out and socialise. They get really narky when I ask and usually I get 'no I'm too tired I don't want to' they're never busy or anything just don't want to, which is from my stepdad. He says he never wanted children so doesn't see why he should look after someone else's (he's been my stepdad since I was 5!). My daughter adores him as grandad. It just really hurts this rejection, I wish they would want to see their granddaughter and it not be a chore to them :( I don't expect it all the time at all maybe just 1 evening every few months, aubi?

This is maybe a stupid thing to say but what about DDs Fathers parents helping you out? It could be a ridiculous suggestion and apologies if so, but as the mother of a DS, I am certain I would want a relationship with my GC whatever happened between DS and his partner.

As someone once said to me once a parent, always a parent (ie if you have grandchildren). It is a shared responsibility and some grandparents are arses. Sorry, but it's true. It's plain spiteful to have that attitude especially after what you've been through

YANBU I never get why people wouldn't want to help out their own family.

Where are you living now?

OP, I think you are doing amazingly well and deserve a clap on the back. To leave an abusive relationship is so hard to do so well done for teaching your daughter that you are worth more than the way your partner was treating you.
As far as your parents go it's very unfortunate they won't help you out and as a pp poster has said its not about going out, it's the support you need.
I also understand not wanting to leave your child with someone you don't know. I would really recommend building your own support network and I find local churches are great to help meeting other woman ( by no means am I pushing religion) I have just found that some of my most supportive friends I found in church mums and tots
Honestly you are doing a great job, this is just a difficult time and it will pass, make sure you speak to your GP re your depression and I find writing things down helps. I hope your situation improves quickly, you are not alone

Why can't your mum babysit and your sd do what ever else he wants?

YANBU. I have a 8 month old GD and love babysitting her o cannot really understand why they would not want to look after your DD and provide some support for you especially if you are on your own. You can't make them though so as others have said concentrate on building up a social network of other mums. When we moved away from family 28 years ago and my daughters were small a group of us formed a babysitting circle and paid for and earned tokens by babysitting. This might be an issue for you if you are lone parent as presumably you would have to offer to babysit at your house but that might work once you got to know people better. What about neighbours or other relatives? Are there any of them who live kids and would like to help you out?

Same with my parents despite husband leaving when DC was 11 Weeks old. Their behaviour is unfathomable and grossly selfish.

YANBU but I wonder if they resent the idea of being asked to babysit at night (i.e. disapproving of any drinking or something). Or maybe they don't want to do anything in the evenings. have you asked your mum if she'll come over during the day? Just her? Maybe she could fit that around any together activities/schedule she and your SD do

My mum always used to say she had her her kids so she wouldn't take over childcare but would baby sit occasionally.
I really sympathise with you and congratulate you that you are being strong and still trying to have a social life. I am also a single parent with no support whatsoever so I feel for you. My Mil will help out but is hours drive away. I am sad for you, I hope they enjoy your daughter when they see her but maybe just don't want the responsibility.
Like others have said, maybe have friends round for a meal/takeaway. Also, I know mums who regularly babysit for each other like a babysitting club. One of the mums suggesting doing this for me but I have 3 Dc's, 1 with behavioural problems and since my Dh passed away, I have no interest in going out in the evening. I socialise while the kids are at school with lunches, coffees etc,
I really hope you work something out 💐

Have you suggested your mum look after her at your house while you go out? Then he doesn't have to deal with it. He sounds a delight tbh.

When you choose to have children you need to do so in the full awareness that it might just be you. That their father might disappear or die and that it is not your parents job to help out. You can be upset about it, but that's the deal, your kids, you look after them.

I'd say YANBU. You are not asking for fulltime childcare, just occasional babysitting so you get a break. I'd definitely be remembering this when your stepdad gets to the age that he needs a bit of help himself, to be honest.

You have every right to be upset they are being selfish, perhaps remind them that there may be a day when they need you to help them, would you reply....."I'm too tired" or "I don't want to" I have this same situation with my in laws, they made it clear they would never help or baby sit as their DDs needs came first, now my children are teenagers they have a cool distant relationship with them and now they need help it all falls onto my SiL...... FYI, I had a childminder who was reliable when I asked my in laws to help it was because I stupidly thought they may want to have the same relationship with their GSs as they have with their GD.
It may be worth asking around to see if any of your neighbours have reliable children to babysit, there's some lovely 16-18 year olds around who would be happy to oblige.