Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Parents will not babysit, aibu?

139 replies

EveryCloudhasl · 06/06/2016 17:13

Aibu to be really hurt and angry that my parents will never babysit because stepdad just doesn't want to? My mother used to babysit on occasion but has only once in the past year. I'm a single parent with no support what so ever, the father is no longer on the scene and I have no other family or friends that could babysit. The past 6 months have been awful for me after leaving my DDs abusive father then having to leave a job I loved due to having no childcare, In turn I have also lost my social life completely. I am very depressed atm if I'm honest but am bearing through and planning to make my future better. I have asked quite a few times recently of my parents will babysit one night so I can go out and socialise. They get really narky when I ask and usually I get 'no I'm too tired I don't want to' they're never busy or anything just don't want to, which is from my stepdad. He says he never wanted children so doesn't see why he should look after someone else's (he's been my stepdad since I was 5!). My daughter adores him as grandad. It just really hurts this rejection, I wish they would want to see their granddaughter and it not be a chore to them :( I don't expect it all the time at all maybe just 1 evening every few months, aubi?

OP posts:

Dieu · 06/06/2016 19:08

YAabsolutelyNBU Give me a shout if in Edinburgh, and I'll come babysit!

GreenShadow · 06/06/2016 19:08

I think it's very sad that they can't see your need for a break. Of course they are under no obligation, but common decency should mean the occasional babysitting evening is offered.

NewLife4Me · 06/06/2016 19:15

YANBU and in their shoes I would gladly volunteer after everything you have been through.
Fair enough some people do expect too much, but this isn't often and you'd think they'd want time with grandchildren.
I would stop any offers of going over to visit with dc tbh, let them chase and if they don't then you know where you stand.
This is awful behaviour.

elfies · 06/06/2016 19:18

Why not swap babysitting with a friend, you look after their child one week , they look after yours the next . then you both get to go out.
As for your stepdad , it sounds as if he made a big effort with you but never expected to be called upon any further

Tattieboggle · 06/06/2016 19:27

That sounds awful OP and YANBU.

Im always babysitting and my kids all babysit for each other as well if for some reason I have to say no, and that would really only be if my disabled son needed me at home instead of it being just him and a carer. Its the way we live, we help each other out, and Im sorry its not the same way for you.

pollyblack · 06/06/2016 19:27

YANBU but you can't change them. My kids only have one grandparent left and he never babysits. I have stopped even thinking he might one day. I have vowed to babysit if i have grandkids!!

starry0ne · 06/06/2016 19:30

yanbu -

how old is DD? If she is pre school.It is a great time to go to parent toddler groups to actually meet people. Adult conversation makes the world of difference.. I had to do this when I moved to a new town similar situation when DS was 18 months old.

I really don't understand the they have raised there kids mentality. There are many gparents offereing childcare.. In this situation even if they didn't want to do childcare ( reasonable I think) supporting your child goes on and on and this sounds like you need support.

That said have you asked your mum when SD is not there? I think you are going to find another way.

Booboostwo · 06/06/2016 19:30

They are unsupportive and needlessly so. Please remember their attitude towards babysitting when they start having more needs as they age. If babysitting is your problem, their old age needs are their problem.

ImperialBlether · 06/06/2016 19:31

I'm glad I'm not a member of your family, clarrp!

charmingtownrisingsun · 06/06/2016 19:33

YANBU It's nice to have some support but its not a necessity. Invite friends around. Alternate arrangements is what you need to do. Build up your own support network of close friends with children and you can host at each others houses kids have someone to play with you can socialise. They may realise in time when they see you and your daughter thriving and then they'll crawl back but just keep them at a distance.

wheresthel1ght · 06/06/2016 19:35

My parents are very similar except they are forever making the offer but when you try and take it up all the excuses come out.

If you are local to the Sheffield area let me know am always happy to babysit! Payment only in decaf tea and chocolate digestives

SquinkiesRule · 06/06/2016 19:37

Poor you OP, it sounds hard not having the support of the only family you have.
I am looking forward to babysitting my grandchildren if my future DIL's want me too and I hope we get to do it occasionally.
I'd try to make sure that I did things for myself while Dd was in Nursery if I were you. Take the time for you, be kind to yourself, you've been though a lot. Oh and try dropping your guard just a little and see if new friends come along.

thisisnotausername · 06/06/2016 19:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sunflower30 · 06/06/2016 19:46

I am in a similar position to you as my parents are never very keen on having mine. They will do very occasionally, but I try not to ask unless I'm desperate as I know they don't want to.

YANBU, but little you can do. I would try and socialise at home with friends. Is there anybody you trust that also has kids that you could trade off babysitting with? So you could watch theirs one night and visa versa. I always find people are more keen on babysitting if they get a night off in return!
I hope you sort something, everyone needs to let their hair down sometimes.

Biglettuce · 06/06/2016 19:48

What about your Dad?

Original poster

EveryCloudhasl · 06/06/2016 19:52

I'm more than aware I made the decision to have a child. I did not make the decision to be in an abusive relationship, have to leave my job and end up in the situation I am now, I know this is completely not their fault it would just be nice to think during a bad time you could rely on support from my parents. That aside I have never fallen out with them over this as I understand they're not obliged to.
I'm started a new part time job in a couple of weeks and am about to start a distance learning course as well hoping to get out of my current situation.
Really I just wish I had a network of mums that helped each other out but I can't seem to find any. I wish people would ask me for help sometimes (I only have 3 friends locally with children but none would ever need babysitting and all are married/engaged) then I'd maybe feel I could ask them. I've been to a couple of mother baby groups but admittedly just sit awkwardly in the corner! Will keep at it, feel embarassing desperate lol

OP posts:

shazzarooney999 · 06/06/2016 19:53

Look im not being funny, but why cant you pay for childcare? thousands and thousands of mums and dads and families have to pay for childcare when they work. when grandmas and grandads have brought theyre own kids up it is theyre time to relax and enjoy life. dont have chip on your shoulder about this, because it sounds like you have a grudge against your stepdad.

Yika · 06/06/2016 19:57

YANBU and I sympathise having been in the same situation (also single parent and also generally close to my DM - but this definitely came between us for a while).

Good for you for being strong and looking to the future - this is only a phase.

I was too tired to have people over in the evening when my DD was very small - how old is yours? Make sure you talk to your friends on the phone and keep friendships alive that way.

Tattieboggle · 06/06/2016 20:00

Good luck in the new job OP, and a big well done to you for studying at the same time.

Yika · 06/06/2016 20:02

Great that you have a new job and some new learning opportunities lined up.

Re mother and baby groups: just ask the mums about their child and don't worry if your efforts at friendliness don't fall on fertile ground: some do, some don't, don't take it personally. It's horrible but necessary (and give yourself a nice treat after making the effort to reward yourself) :) It's not embarrassing to want to make friends or to have a social life.

Tattieboggle · 06/06/2016 20:03

Would this be of any use to you

www.kidsguide.org.uk/baby-sitting-circle/

Original poster

EveryCloudhasl · 06/06/2016 20:03

I do pay for childcare. Atm my dd (she's 3 btw) goes for 2 days a week which is being increased to 3 days a week when I start my new job this month (which is 3 full days pw). I had to leave my previous job as it was shift work and late nights and there isn't childcare at that time. This still doesnt give me a break to socialise though. I'm not talking regularly even once every 6 months would be nice lol but I guess I do need to find my own network of mums rather than blaming them. I just feel a bit surprised that they don't want to x

OP posts:

Waltermittythesequel · 06/06/2016 20:09

I think it's surprising that they don't want to, especially under the circumstances.

Could you arrange a play date with the other mums? Trip to the park?

Then you could mention a night out or even drinks at yours?

Could your childminder babysit every now and then?

LyndaNotLinda · 06/06/2016 20:14

Tattie - if you're a single parent, you can't participate in a babysitting circle because you can't ever provide babysitting in return for people looking after your kids.

OP - save up and use Sitters 2 or 3 times a year. It's really worth it

Tattieboggle · 06/06/2016 20:15

Lynda, I realised that as soon as I'd pressed 'post message'

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread