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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask a dog owner to put their dog on a lead?

59 replies

pinkfluffybunny · 04/06/2016 23:00

We were at the beach today, not a packed beach, but a lot of families and children around. My DC are very wary of dogs, and began to panic a little when a huge pit bull terrier kind of dog (I couldn't tell if it was a pure breed, although looked like it) was running towards us, off the lead. I ask the elderly gentleman to put the dog on its lead until they were away from all the children, which he did immediately without hesitation, and was pleasant about it. My DC were then fine.
Afterwards my DH said I shouldn't have asked the man to put the dog on the lead, as he probably walks the dog everyday on the beach, and that's 'his place' to go!! I was shocked with him, especially as he knows how our DC react, and because of the type of dog it is.
AIBU to ask the dog owner to put the lead on?

OP posts:

PurpleRainDiamondsandPearls · 04/06/2016 23:03

YANBU. I thought all dogs had to be on lead on family/public beaches anyway. I know there are some times of the year when dogs aren't allowed but perhaps it varies.

Dieu · 04/06/2016 23:04

YANBU. And I say that as a dog owner myself. What does sadden me though is the number of children I see these days who are afraid of dogs. And I say that as the owner of a fluffy, cute and non-aggressive smallish dog!

WellErrr · 04/06/2016 23:08

YANBU.

I have a small very well behaved dog, who is always with me and my small children. She's as safe as any dog can be.

However, I know that some people are scared, and don't mind at all picking her up if asked.

Original poster

pinkfluffybunny · 04/06/2016 23:11

Thank you. I'm confident in my asking the man to put the lead on, but was shocked at DH and wondered if anyone else thought I was being unreasonable.
We are working with our DC and dogs. They are fine if the dogs are on leads, but not happy if they are running around and knocking them over. I must admit I was quite nervous when I seen this big dog, but stayed calm for the DC sake. My mum was with us, and she said she was intimidated too!!

OP posts:

heygotanygrapes · 04/06/2016 23:11

YANBU my dog regularly gets harrassed by a dog who walks a similar route/time as us, my dog is quite wary of the breed of the dog as he got bitten by one, and it will not leave him alone, keeps following us and running round him while the owner stands a good fifty feet away lamely calling its name

Gide · 04/06/2016 23:12

YANBU. I do it all the time cos mine will attack intrusive dogs.

Dieu · 04/06/2016 23:14

Honestly OP, YANBU. It's all about common courtesy and consideration at the end of the day.
I will also put my dog on the lead if we see another leashed dog. The other dog is on the lead for a reason, so probably best if my dog doesn't go bounding up to it.

Original poster

pinkfluffybunny · 04/06/2016 23:15

Oh yes, of course, it's not just being wary with children, other dogs should be taken into account too. Even more reason to keep on leads.

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkfluffybunny · 04/06/2016 23:16

Well, maybe not kept on leads at all times, but as you've mentioned, when approaching other dogs (and children)

OP posts:

StarryIllusion · 04/06/2016 23:24

You were fine to ask. I wouldn't mind as long as you weren't stroppy. If she was nowhere near or showing no interest in you at all then I probably wouldn't do it but I certainly wouldn't allow her to frighten children. That said, it does piss me off when a child starts screaming hysterically at her and she hasn't even looked their way or gone within ten metres of them. Pretty much a guaranteed way to get her to come over as she hates children in distress and will try to comfort a crying child and no I won't be telling her off or leashing her for it.

Swirlingasong · 04/06/2016 23:35

Starry, I understand that that must be annoying for you, but in my experience a child who reacts in that way has generally had an experience with a dog that has caused that level of fear. Not doing anything to make the child more comfortable, like putting a lead on, is going to do absolutely nothing to reduce the child's fear and prevent future screaming. In fact you are making it worse.

TheDropBear · 04/06/2016 23:43

Considering that it's the summer YABU.
If I was the guy I would've put my dog on a lead but I'd find it a little bit annoying. This time of year there are loads of beaches that dogs are banned from, if someone is phobic I don't get why they wouldn't go to one of those instead.

MidniteScribbler · 04/06/2016 23:52

It doesn't sound like it was a problem, and it's how all civilised people should act in a shared space. Dog was off lead, not causing a problem, you let him know your children were scared, he put the dog on lead until he got past.

That said, 'because of the dog it is' is not a good attitude to have. Any dog can be aggressive, and there are plenty of lovely bull breed dogs out there, just as there can be nasty little fluffies or labradors.

WiddlinDiddlin · 05/06/2016 02:38

Not unreasonable to ask him to put his dog on the lead.

Unreasonable to decide that his dog is a pit bull terrier type (illegal, and an accusation of such could lead to a totally innocent dog being seized and destroyed if you made such comments in the wrong places!) given you are not a dog breed expert.

In the UK there is no such thing as a pedigree/pure breed pit bull terrier, there are just 'type' dogs, which have to meet a certain percentage of a set criteria based entirely on appearance - so a staffie is not illegal, a labrador is not illegal, but a staffy x labrador could look sufficiently 'type' to be deemed illegal.

So whilst you are teaching your kids not to be scared of dogs and how to behave around dogs (stand still, be quiet, don't stare, fold your arms and be a tree etc) do also try not to teach them that certain types of dogs are to be feared and certain types arent.

PurpleTango · 05/06/2016 02:48

YABU I am peed off at the number of people who scream at me to put my dogs on a lead. Either their dogs don't like other dogs or their children have hysterics at seeing a dog. Neither of my dogs will approach a person or dog so I really don't see the need to leash them every time we come across a person or dog. If anyone has a problem with my dogs walking off lead by the side of me that's their problem. Not mine. BTW I very much doubt the dog you saw was a Pit Bull. They are not legal in UK. Try again

kali110 · 05/06/2016 02:55

Yabu to go on purely the breed.
I have been bitten two or three times.
All by tiny dogs.
Never by the big ( apparently) terrrifying dogs such as the staffie, german shepard or rottweiler.
The most damage those did was lick me to death

enterYourPassword · 05/06/2016 03:45

I think you're being a little unreasonable as it wasn't as if the dog was bounding into you, jumping up or knocking anyone over. Not unreasonable enough to have annoyed really annoyed me as the dog owner but it's your issue, not his. I say your issue as I suspect the children are picking up on nervousness from somewhere.

I guess the answer to the thread is 'yes' unreasonable but not enough to worry. Out of interest, how many owners would you ask to put their dog on a lead before you decided to stop? On one of our local beaches you'd be spending the entire day asking the owners to do so.

re. the breed. As I said, I suspect you're not especially comfortable around dogs which is why you said it was a pitbull (probably wasn't). There's common sense involved that a larger dog can hurt a child more easily even by bumping them - not an attack - and also that if a small dog bites it will do less damage than a short-jawed barrel of muscle. Comments like yours Kali are a little predictable and ignore the common sense involved.

Widdlin, are you actually suggesting that a dog would be destroyed on a mothers accusation of its breed? I'm sure you're not!(?) You do make a very valid point about not teaching children that some dogs are okay and some aren't. The dog we gave back to a rescue centre was a little spaniel as we just couldn't trust him not to nip (and I was pregnant). The dog I've trusted most in the world was the one it replaced. A mongrel, made of mostly alsatian and doberman.

dizzyfucker · 05/06/2016 05:19

YANBU to ask him to put his dog on the lead.

You are, however being unreasonable to judge Pit Bulls. I hope you would do the same if it was a Labrador or a Yorkshire Terrier.

WhingySquirrel · 05/06/2016 05:40

Yabu. Without reiterating what everyone who has said the same has said, there are many beaches where dogs are not allowed so 1)Why not go to one of those and 2)given that dogs are quite a commonplace 'thing ' in this society perhaps teaching your children how to be respectful therefore safe around them, is a better idea than encouraging and enabling their fear.
Plus, breeds don't make a dog dangerous. A soft ass staffy will be more safe than a badly trained Yorkshire terrier.

NaughtToThreeSadOnions · 05/06/2016 05:43

I don't see anywhere where the op is pre judging by breed apart from the pure breed comment which is just not understanding. Your right password about heavier bigger dogs being doing more damage by bounding in to people however people are not nearly as scared of labs (which are actually bigger than Staffie or most pit bull type dogs) or and things like st Bernard's and old English sheep dogs are thought of as cute and their massive. It really isn't about the size. It is about the "reputation" also do you read the dog attack figures, most of them are done by small dogs as dogs like Jack Russell's Patterdales (I have a Patterdale and trust me I wouldn't like to be seen as its prey) are dogs that actively hunt. Where as yes my best friends Staffie is just going to lick me to death. People think dogs like jacks are cute often ignoring what their actually breed for.

Op YNBU and as the owner willingly did put the dog on the lead.

As much as I understand the frustration of dog owners when children and actually some adults scream out that animal on a lead I hate dogs. It's not all about your dog! You might know it's a lovely sap who just wants to lick every one to death, but not everyone does. Your really not going to teach them to be less fearful by letting your dog run and bound at them that's a very frightening experience. Lead it, and say look she's/he's quiet it's ok come and say hello. Also around other dogs, it may not be your dog the other owner is trying to protect their dog from it may well be your dog their trying to protect.

Lighteningirll · 05/06/2016 06:28

Yabu it's clearly marked which beaches are dog friendly and which aren't, go to one that doesn't allow dogs.

Devilishpyjamas · 05/06/2016 06:43

Bit of both. I put my dog on a lead to walk through crowded bits of the beach at this time of year, but take him off when we reach a space to run. The beach we visit is half dog free & half dogs allowed. Most of the other main beaches around here have summer dog bans. So I'd expect someone with seriously scared kids to go to a dog free beach or portion of the beach really.

Ds2 used to be terrified of dogs - he had no bad experiences he just was. Then because he as scared he's start shouting & screaming & running & every dog in the land would think he was playing & would chase after him. He was a total nightmare - I really didn't blame the dogs. He was also starting to not get invitations to friends houses because he was so upset around dogs. At that time I would not have asked anyone to put a dog on a lead but I would stand with him & make him stand still as his running away was causing a lot of problems with dogs thinking he was playing.

A few weeks with our sloppy retriever & my 'stand still you're making the dogs chase you' turned to 'ds2 will you please get your hand out of the dog's mouth'.

Ameliablue · 05/06/2016 08:37

It depends on the beach. Quite often there are sections of beach were dogs are allowed and others were they are not so it you had deliberately gone to a dog beach then it would be unreasonable but it did weren't allowed or I'd there was no designated dog free section then it is not unreasonable.

jonsnowssocks · 05/06/2016 09:08

YANBU. You're not to know if a dog is safe or not.

Saying that, like others have said, if it's a really doggy beach, might be better to find another place to take your DC. Also, if you feel so inclined, you could introduce DC to dogs you already know are safe in a calm environment to help them understand the animals better. I'm the only dog owner in the family and niece and nephew were quite scared of mine to begin with, but now love playing with them, helping feed them and whatnot.

Original poster

pinkfluffybunny · 05/06/2016 09:37

Mixed feelings here then.
It wouldn't matter if the dog or dogs were tiny little ones, or huge big ones, my DC react the same, they run to me and cling until the dog/s have gone, they don't run around screaming, waving their arms.
I mentioned the breed as it was an intimidating dog even for an adult, which is why the owner put the dog on the lead immediately, and pleasantly. He has probably been asked to do it before. And as I mentioned in my original post I was unsure of the breed, just that it 'looked' like a pit bull type.
I appreciate dog owners getting upset at having to leash their dogs, but I'd rather nicely ask an owner to leash their dog, instead of face the consequences of unpredictable dogs.
The amount of dog owners that say to my children "oh, he won't hurt a fly" well, I ignore that comment as the owner has no way of knowing that.
Thanks for every ones comments. They have been interesting to read.

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