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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD is 10 years old and wants to go into town wearing make-up - aibu?

177 replies

Evelynne · 04/06/2016 14:28

I have been kind of railroaded into allowing DD (10) into town with her two friends. We live in a city.

The mother of one of the girls approached me in front of both girls and asked whether DD could meet them in town this weekend. I didn't want to embarrass DD so I said I would think about it.

The mother then asked whether DD could go on a 4 hour shopping trip with the girls. I was unhappy with this and said I'd be ok with an hour, providing DD had a mobile and I was in town too....

DD has just told me that the girls wear make-up into town (DD doesn't make things like this up) and I am really regretting saying it's ok. I don't want my 10 year old alone in town with other 10 year olds wearing make up, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't be bothered if they were 13/14 but I do feel 10 is too young.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 21:01

Not as wrong as a 10 year old out on the town with full slap on.

TheWindInThePillows · 04/06/2016 21:02

No make up. Do not advertise anything you are not yet entitled to put on offer

I find that a deeply unpleasant statement. Even if my dd was 16, she is not 'on offer' by wearing make-up any more than I am 'on offer' as a married middle-aged lady when I wear make-up. Wearing make-up is fairly conventional teen and adult behaviour in the UK, are we all 'on offer' (ugh)?

AngieBolen · 04/06/2016 21:03

I wouldn't want her to be significantly different to her friends.

I would if they were wearing make up at 10yo.

And Y7's around here don't really do make up from what I've seen - it seems to kick in in Y9.

TheWindInThePillows · 04/06/2016 21:04

I have a 10 year old. No 10 year olds are out in 'full slap'. Some people are exaggerating for effect. The most I have seen is lipstick and a bit of mascara for the school disco. Ten year olds are children but very near to being 12/13, when lots of girls do wear make-up. It's not surprising they want to push this boundary. You can say no without disparaging them.

Notso · 04/06/2016 21:05

I thought year six was the age most kids started spending a few hours in town unaccompanied.
DD is 16 and I seem to remember her wearing lipgloss and sparkly eyeshadow at around 10 or 11. 14 was peak make up age, now she wears quite neutral make up.

dearlybeloved · 04/06/2016 21:15

Make up can be damaging though my DD stayed the night at a friend's and they were applying make up all night and her eyelashes fell out! She literally had no lashes for a couple of months.

The girls use make up to bond with each other and have fun. Her DSis did the same and is 15 now and wears no make up and is incredibly sensible. My DD has a few lip glosses and a couple of blushers don't see the problem really. I haven't encouraged it but I haven't banned it's use either and they seem to be sensible with it's application on the odd occasions they use it.

Karlakitten1 · 04/06/2016 21:16

It may be a charming anecdote...must be ok in your book then. Sorry for caring. What a lovely bitchy place mumsnet is. Rack off.

CallarMorvern · 04/06/2016 21:16

DD is 10 and goes to high school in Sept. Most of the yr7 girls there wear make-up. DD wears a bit of clear mascara, lip gloss and blusher every now and then. I don't make a big thing about it, so neither does she. Make-up doesn't need to be about trowelling in the orange foundation like the US pageant kids. She is learning, I was allowed at the same age and I didn't go off the rails lol and rarely wear it now. She is also allowed to take a bus into town and I meet her later, I want her to be independent and confident.

Mycatsabastard · 04/06/2016 21:28

sparrow absolutely! I don't wear it on a day to day basis. I do wear it if I'm going out for an evening or to a wedding etc. I don't wear it for going shopping or out for a walk.

I have great skin. The very most I may put on is a base for foundation (but no foundation) which has SPF in it to protect my skin.

I encourage my girls to be kind to their skin. My 10 year old has facial wipes (we have issues around washing with water due to her autistic traits) so these are the best thing for her to use. She's hitting puberty and aware of hairs growing on legs and underarms which I'm happy to deal with but I absolutely will not allow her to use make up. She's a beautiful girl and has no need of adding anything else to her face to make her look 'better'.

I'd rather teach my dc about the importance of loving the skin you are in than saying 'hey you're 10, lets put loads of crap on your face so you look more pretty'. What sort of message does that send?

pippistrelle · 04/06/2016 22:30

It's possible to have good skin and wear make up. Some people (including young people) are interested, some are not. Their interest says nothing about their moral character. And anyone labelling them for wearing make up and going to the shops really needs to take a good look at themselves.

(I was not suggesting, Karla, that you were the one doing the labelling, just appalled that it had happened at all.)

And I don't think the posters who don't mind their daughters wearing make-up are insisting they need a full face of make-up (or 'crap', if you prefer) in order to look pretty. There are reasons one might not think it a good idea, but to many people, it's just not that big a deal.

Hulababy · 04/06/2016 22:40

Dearly - what in earth was she putting on her lashes to have them come out????

Time - so much wrong with that sentence not sure I know where to start. Even as a grown adult if I wear makeup t is not to put myself on offer the anyone!!

SapphireSeptember · 04/06/2016 23:08

I'm going to pipe up, I was allowed to wear makeup from quite a young age, pastel eyeshadow, sparkly lipgloss and body glitter. My mum did my hair and makeup for me using proper grown up stuff for my friend's birthday party when I was 10. I was not being sexualised, it was something fun. Now I'm 27 and love makeup. But it didn't lead to underage drinking, tattoos and sex. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with a 10 year old wearing makeup, so long as it's age appropriate. I'm very much in the camp of wearing makeup for myself (and I still use body glitter. Blush Grin )

I don't think I would have been allowed into town at that age, at that was the city over from my village, but I was allowed to go 'down to the village' on the bus on my own, usually to run an errand for my mum, which was nearly as far as going into town was. Normally I skipped the bus bit and walked in order to get more sweets.

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 23:10

How can "proper grown up" makeup be "age appropriate" for a 10 year old? It's an oxymoron.

pippistrelle · 04/06/2016 23:16

Proper grown up, as in not something that came with a magazine aimed at pre-teens, but not slapped on in porn star style.

pippistrelle · 04/06/2016 23:18

That should have had a question mark at the end of it, as it's not my memory. But I imagine that's the sort of thing Sapphire means.

BertieBotts · 04/06/2016 23:25

I have crap skin and I never wear make up and didn't as a teen.

(But lurking because I would like to clarify my thoughts on the preteens and make up issue. I also have an issue seeing the objective problem with it but understand a lot of people object and am interested in why.)

notonyurjellybellynelly · 04/06/2016 23:35

Mind you when I was 14/15 we were in the local pubs, the landlords turned a blind eye when you were behaving

I once sneaked into one with people who were in a local gang. I was 15 and supposed to be at the Youth Club Disco. So I sneaked in with my pal when the gang were going in and we ended up in something called The Lounge. An hour later when I wanted to go home and stood up and saw two of my old aunties sitting have a Milk Stout at the table next to the door. I quickly sat down again and had to stay there till they'd left and by then I'd missed the bus and I had to walk home. It really wasn't worth it because I was grounded and had to earn trust back. I think I also got me face slapped as well which was relevant to the times I lived in.

It was so not worth it Grin Grin

notonyurjellybellynelly · 04/06/2016 23:37

No make up. Do not advertise anything you are not yet entitled to put on offer

Ok dear, we've noticed you.

TheSparrowhawk · 05/06/2016 07:25

'I'd rather teach my dc about the importance of loving the skin you are in than saying 'hey you're 10, lets put loads of crap on your face so you look more pretty'. What sort of message does that send?'

Who said that they tell their 10 year old to put loads of crap on their face to look more pretty??

IMO make up doesn't make anyone look 'more pretty' - a person with make up is just a person with make up, not a 'more pretty' person. For a 10 year old make up is just playing and copying what they see women do around them all the time.

One poster (not sure who) said it makes children look older. So? If a 10 year old looks like a 15 year old what difference does that make? Does it mean that men are suddenly entitled to harass her?

I think the statement ' Do not advertise anything you are not yet entitled to put on offer' is the most honest assessment of why people here are objecting to girls wearing make up. What everyone is skirting around is the idea that women wear make up to advertise sex (hence the 'sexualised' comments) so if a child wears make up then they are saying to men that they are fair game.
A few things to remember:

  1. A child is a child no matter what she wears or how old she looks
  2. No matter what a child or a woman is wearing, they are not 'advertising' anything - female sexuality is not something to be advertised so that men can come and get it. A woman chooses to have sex with people because she wants it, not because she happened to advertise it and a man decided he wanted what she was advertising. The idea that a child could be 'advertising' sex is beyond hideous.
  3. If a man did harass/assault/attack a child, it would not be because she was wearing make up, it would be because he was a dangerous criminal. A child is not responsible for the behaviour of the men around her. 4)If you view a child as a sexual being just because she has lipstick on, you'd want to think closely about why that is.
  4. If you think all of the women you work with who wear make up in the workplace are sexualised by their make up, what does that say about how you view them professionally?
pippistrelle · 05/06/2016 08:42

Well said, TheSparrowhawk.

SoupDragon · 05/06/2016 09:44

If a 10 year old looks like a 15 year old what difference does that make?

I guess you are also happy with the idea of a 10 year old wearing a padded bra then.

SoupDragon · 05/06/2016 09:45

if people don't wear make up to look more attractive, why do they do it? Don't say "because they want to" as that is not really an answer.

timelytess · 05/06/2016 09:50

Ok dear, we've noticed you.
Then take notice and stop being so irresponsible. Don't encourage your child to look as if she wants attention from men. She's a child, a real child, an actual primary school pupil. Make-up is for play, at home, at her age, and a clean face when she goes out.

Tattieboggle · 05/06/2016 10:18

Timelytess, Im almost 60 and my childbearing days were over way more than 10 years ago you pillock.

Littlepeople12345 · 05/06/2016 10:19

I wouldn't let my DD at 10, I would if she was 11/12 though. I'd also let her wear nail varnish and a bit of clear lip gloss.

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