Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

DD is 10 years old and wants to go into town wearing make-up - aibu?

177 replies

Evelynne · 04/06/2016 14:28

I have been kind of railroaded into allowing DD (10) into town with her two friends. We live in a city.

The mother of one of the girls approached me in front of both girls and asked whether DD could meet them in town this weekend. I didn't want to embarrass DD so I said I would think about it.

The mother then asked whether DD could go on a 4 hour shopping trip with the girls. I was unhappy with this and said I'd be ok with an hour, providing DD had a mobile and I was in town too....

DD has just told me that the girls wear make-up into town (DD doesn't make things like this up) and I am really regretting saying it's ok. I don't want my 10 year old alone in town with other 10 year olds wearing make up, it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I wouldn't be bothered if they were 13/14 but I do feel 10 is too young.

AIBU?

OP posts:

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/06/2016 15:29

I was going into town at 11 on a bus, small town ,35 years ago as well as going to friend's houses. Nothing has changed much.

Bluetrews25 · 04/06/2016 15:41

Asking this kindly - how do you expect them to be ok looking after themselves if you never give them a chance to learn? If not now, then when? Will she not be getting herself to and from school in a few weeks after summer hols?
I expect she has a phone and can call if she gets lost or scared.
This is the age where they should be learning how to get the bus and how to navigate - just before high school - and far safer to do it with a small group than all by herself, surely?
It's not like you are dumping her in bear-infested woods.......
I get you are worried, but chances are she will be fine. I'm sure her mum has taught her well! And just think how proud you will be when she comes home unscathed!
And as for the make-up, weren't you experimenting at that age? (As long as it's not the sharpie eyebrow.....)

Floggingmolly · 04/06/2016 15:49

The "getting themselves to and from school" argument always leaves me flummoxed. It is not comparable to random mooching around a town centre for hours on end. It's really not.
I hate seeing gangs of teens or pre-teens prowling around with nowhere specific to go.

Cleo1303 · 04/06/2016 15:54

10 is way too young for make up. DD is 12 and just wears a tiny bit of lip gloss and blusher.

I think an hour is fine if you are nearby. I didn't allow this until DD was 11 and then she could take the bus into town - 10 minutes - and had to phone me when she arrived and to confirm that her friend(s) had arrived too. I would then arrange to pick them up and hour or an-hour-and-a-half later.

pippistrelle · 04/06/2016 15:55

Well, it's comparable in the sense that they're out of the house autonomously for a certain amount of time: it all serves build confidence.

pippistrelle · 04/06/2016 15:57

for hours on end

And in this instance, it's one hour.

TheWindInThePillows · 04/06/2016 16:01

Mine don't mooch, they are on a very specific preteen/teen circuit which takes in Claires Accessories, Superdrug, a walk along the beach/park, to get a Costa coffee/milkshake and then come home again.

Why do you hate teens/pre-teens being out in public? Where should they go? At what age would it be ok if they hung out together?

That said, there are some unsavoury characters hanging about which are far less nice than my pre/teens. That is more of a worry to me, and why I wouldn't let the 10 year old into town on the bus at the moment. Even by 12 it's not that nice if someone comes up to you, although she has shown herself to be very sensible if that happens. In her case she has to get the bus in town to get to school anyway, so this 'going to school vs going into town' is the same issue for us.

Seryph · 04/06/2016 16:08

Don't like make up on kids, it's a bit pointless IMHO, and belongs in the dress up box.
We were allowed to take ourselves up into London for the day, on our own with phones at 13/14. Granted, my friends had parents who worked in town (I was the country girl) but we knew where we were going.
I was certainly allowed to mooch about our local shopping centre (biggest in Europe at the time) unattended for hours at 10/11. But then my school bus for yr7 left at 7:15 and didn't get back til 5pm!

So long as your child is sensible enough not to wander into traffic, or go off with strangers and to call you if they need to I see no problem with it.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 04/06/2016 16:35

Well,tbh make up is a bit pointless on anyone tbh but it's fun.

Hulababy · 04/06/2016 16:46

I assume a lot of her friends are already 11y if in Y6, and they will be off to secondary school in 3 months time.

So, I think a mooch round Claires and Paperchase/Smiggle, etc for an hour with friends - whilst you are in the vicinity and easy to get hold of via a mobile - would be fine.

And tbh a little bit of makeup on a y6 girl wouldn't bother me much either tbh. So long as its not plastered on and its just a bit of lip colour/gloss ad maybe some eye shadow, I'd be a bit relaxed about it.

Make up isn't actually needed on anyone is it? But pre teens in y6/7 are always likely to want to try a bit. I remember the testers in places like Boots and super drug being surrounded by pre teens even when I was younger.

My rule for in town would be to always be together, no one goes off on there on, if one goes to the toilet they all go, phone on and volume up at all times, and make sure she meets you at the set time.

RainIsAGoodThing · 04/06/2016 16:46

I think it's fine for an hour or so. It's important to build their confidence.

In Year 6 I definitely took myself to town and back to buy family birthday presents etc. By Year 7 I was going 20 miles on a bus every morning and evening.

lovelilies · 04/06/2016 16:57

My 10 yo DD (11 in a few days) went into town alone on the bus today.
She loved it! Came back with all sorts from the £ shop and a present for her little bro.

Karlakitten1 · 04/06/2016 16:59

I never said I would keep them in until 16! And yes there are dangers and strange people everywhere...however, I used to see grown men talking to girls in a central area where I used to live. We all thought it was weird and the girls were always labelled as easy and slappers. I will be very funny about doing things like town with my DD as I think at that age they are not young adults...they are still children who might not be able to get themselves out of an awful situation. Yes, they need to learn about the world, but going to town at 10 wouldn't be a way to do it IMO.xx

meowli · 04/06/2016 17:04

gangs of teens or pre-teens prowling around

Do you have feral hordes in your town?

Original poster

Evelynne · 04/06/2016 17:49

Well she went, it was fine!

I have her strict instruction, dropped her off, bumped into her half way through then met up with her half an hour later.

She was really enjoying herself.

I wouldn't be happy for much longer time wise, or if I wasn't in town myself.

I hope she's gained some confidence.

OP posts:

TheSparrowhawk · 04/06/2016 17:56

I'm surprised so many people have said they wouldn't allow the make up - why is that?

FeckinCrutches · 04/06/2016 17:59

Because she's only 10? why does a 10 year old need to wear make-up?

pippistrelle · 04/06/2016 18:00

however, I used to see grown men talking to girls in a central area where I used to live. We all thought it was weird and the girls were always labelled as easy and slappers.

What a charming anecdote.

Gowgirl · 04/06/2016 18:02

Fond memories here of badly applied lippy and mooching around mk shopping centre at that age... Mind you when I was 14/15 we were in the local pubs, the landlords turned a blind eye when you were behaving...

TheSparrowhawk · 04/06/2016 18:12

What's being 10 got to do with it? Nobody needs to wear make up, people wear it because they want to wear it - it's not a 'need'.

FeckinCrutches · 04/06/2016 18:18

Because she is only 10, and is much as she might 'want' to wear it, its not really suitable.

TheSparrowhawk · 04/06/2016 18:20

Why isn't it suitable?

Mycatsabastard · 04/06/2016 18:29

I really don't like make up on little kids. And at 10 they are still kids. They are still 3 years off being a teenager.

I have a 17 year old who went to primary school with a girl who was the first to do everything. Make up, dyed hair, piercings. By the time she was 11 she was tottering out in high heels, hair dyed, plastered on full make up looking about 18. It was awful to see and I look back at the photos of their primary leaving do and my DD looks like an 11 year old girl while this other girl looks like she should be in a club.

The problem with being the 'cool mum' who thinks its great to let your kids be mini adults at a young age is that they progress to other things to keep up the 'I am first' factor. Tattoos, drinking and sex long before they are emotionally or physically capable of dealing with it.

I know this is just about a few 10 year olds going into town but unless they are capable of coping with an emergency then I agree that an hour with a parent nearby is best. And no make up. Really, don't turn them into mini adults while they are still kids.

FeckinCrutches · 04/06/2016 18:30

Because she's a child? Are you being deliberately obtuse?

TheSparrowhawk · 04/06/2016 18:31

Make up leads to tattoos, drinking and sex? Really?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8