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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with DH wanting to travel abroad with 3 month old?

64 replies

foreverclockwatching · 02/06/2016 19:40

DH sister lives abroad a ten hour and then two hour flight away. Our first baby is due end of September and DH has just announced that he wants to go there for Christmas as 'he wants his sister to get to know the baby'. AIBU to be annoyed because a) would like to spend Christmas with some of my family too as will be first grandchild and b) don't want to cope with a days travel with 3 month old plus associated jetlag with travel to another continent? I also want her to be able to get to know her niece/nephew but feel that by living so far away that some loss of closeness is inevitable. I was brought up abroad and know that some missing out is inevitable so am not unsympathetic but I would be more willing to go there when the baby is a bit older and likely to cope better.

OP posts:
Junosmum · 02/06/2016 19:42

For a) yanbu. With b) yabu- 3 months is a great time to travel, especially if they are breastfed. Much easier than with a toddler.

LolaStarr · 02/06/2016 19:43

YANBU at all! I certainly wouldn't have felt capable of doing 12+ plus travelling when my little boy was that young! Could his sister not come to you?

LolaStarr · 02/06/2016 19:44

*12+ hours

ApocalypseSlough · 02/06/2016 19:44

Do it. Flying at 3 months is easier that it will be for a decade a few years and it's money in the bank for a few Christmases at home when she'll appreciate Christmas and be more rewarding for the rest of your family here.

Hodooooooooor · 02/06/2016 19:45

Yabu to be pissed off at him wanting to. Yabu to not have a sensible discussion in which you veto the idea.

DelphiniumBlue · 02/06/2016 19:46

How about, " not a chance, are you joking?"
At this point you have no idea how you or the baby will be at 3 months post partum- it would be madness to commit to travelling now.
Can't the sister visit you?

happypoobum · 02/06/2016 19:48

If you don't want to go and are BF then you and the baby won't be going. Surely it makes more sense for SIL to visit you rather than you all having to pay for flights?

BlackVelvet1 · 02/06/2016 19:49

Not sure Junosmum, when you are breastfeeding your first you might be a bit worried about positioning the baby when in a cramped plane seat, breastfeeding in public, etc... Plus 3 month is usually the moment when you are the most tired as they just start to be distracted when feeding during the day and want more feeds at night.
Could his sister come to yours instead?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2016 19:49

I flew alone with DD at that age, c-section and issues breastfeeding. I'm with DH; nice to see family and babies are portable! Babies are also free!

Won't your family see a lot of the new baby?

blublutoo · 02/06/2016 19:50

yanbu to not want to travel that far with a baby but yabu about your other reason. why is your family more important ?

sooperdooper · 02/06/2016 19:51

He can suggest whatever he likes, so can you, and then you discuss it like adults - it's only a suggestion so tell him how you feel

BeALert · 02/06/2016 19:52

IME 3 month olds are really easy to travel with. Much easier than most other ages.

If you don't see his sister at Christmas then when will she meet the baby? Presumably your family are closer, so will already have met him/her?

PurpleCrazyHorse · 02/06/2016 19:53

That's only 12weeks old and although little babies are really portable, I wouldn't have wanted to travel for 24hrs so soon after the birth. On a practical note we were changing poo nappies every few hours (great smell on an aeroplane!), and DS was a sicky baby too. It would have been a nightmare. I was constantly feeding and had leaky boobs for ages.

I'd suggest a spring time visit instead when the baby is 6mo, less nappy changes, still portable and probably not mobile, and hopefully less sicky too. Plus I'd hope the baby is more robust. I'd worry about a 12wk old baby picking something up on a long flight and they'd only just have had their jabs.

HermioneJeanGranger · 02/06/2016 19:56

Can't his sister come and visit you?

Original poster
foreverclockwatching · 02/06/2016 19:57

One of DH parents would also be here with us for Christmas and woukd see the other on a different day so not that my family is more important! SIL can't really afford to come here. Have tried to discuss with him but he says I lack empathy and am being selfish. Which I quite possibly am I just don't want to commit to something as big as this as have no idea what I will feel like with a baby! Hence seeking the guidance of MN!

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 02/06/2016 20:00

My 3-month olds - no problem, really easy to travel with. Friends colicky baby who did not stop screaming for 4 months - not so much fun. So could be doable or not, depending on the baby. But I would not commit before the baby is here.

happypoobum · 02/06/2016 20:01

It would cost less to pay for SIL to visit than to pay for both of you to travel surely? Could family club together and say it's a Christmas present?

Noisylion · 02/06/2016 20:02

I couldn't have done it when ds was 3 months. I wouldn't have been up to it I was like a walking zombie. Ds also would never settle. I took ds1 abroad when he was 2.5 and we took ds2 away for one night when he was 9 months. I found it easier when they were older.

I don't think it's fair of him to expect you to go, you can't possibly know how you'll feel until the time comes.

DiggersRest · 02/06/2016 20:03

How l hate the 'if you're bf is easy fucking peasy' brigade Hmm

I bf dd1 and travelled to Ireland with her when she was 12 weeks old. YES the fact she was breastfed made feeding her easier but all the other stuff, no. She was unsettled in a different place, every bastard kept moving her stuff so when l needed a muslin, nappy etc it was never where l thought it was. My routine was thrown. It was shit. We went 3 times before she was one but like fuck was it 'a good time to travel'.

I took her to Australia when she was 2. And that was seriously easier.

OP if you don't want to go then tell your dh you're not going. Plenty of time for SIL to meet her DN.

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2016 20:03

What is your alternative plan? Because he wants his sister to meet her. Buy her a flight for Christmas?

AwfulBeryl · 02/06/2016 20:04

Tbh I would rather do a really long flight with a tiny baby than a wriggly active bigger one. I wouldn't overlook a long flight with a 3 month old because it's probably as easy it's going to get for a while. IMO.

That said, I would want to spend my first babies first Christmas with both of our families rather than just his Sister. I know this wouldn't bother some people as the baby won't remember it or even know what's going on. I would though and I am sentimental like that.
Could there be a compromise of staying at home with both your families over Christmas and visiting sil over new year ? Yanbu on this point.

Marmighty · 02/06/2016 20:04

Could you go in the new year? I agree best not to make firm plans until baby is here and you know you are both ok to travel. But bear in mind a) it's MUCH easier to travel with baby under one, if you get night flights they will probably sleep the whole way, b) flights are free (taxes only) for babies under two, if you don't get a seat, so maybe work out when you will visit them in the first two years to take advantage. Also agree with

Oysterbabe · 02/06/2016 20:05

I would have absolutely hated doing that with DD at 3 months. She cried A LOT at that age and I felt so embarrassed in public, I mostly hid away at home.

kittybiscuits · 02/06/2016 20:05

I think he lacks empathy and is being selfish.

sugarapplelane · 02/06/2016 20:05

I travelled with my Daughter on a 12 hour flight when she was 3 months old. It was the easiest age to travel with children in my honest opinion. she slept and fed. That's all she did!

Yeah - it's a little bit of extra faff and work from travelling in your own, but not enough to not want to do it.

I say go - be brave.

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