to be pissed off with DH wanting to travel abroad with 3 month old?

[foreverclockwatching]

DH sister lives abroad a ten hour and then two hour flight away. Our first baby is due end of September and DH has just announced that he wants to go there for Christmas as 'he wants his sister to get to know the baby'. AIBU to be annoyed because a) would like to spend Christmas with some of my family too as will be first grandchild and b) don't want to cope with a days travel with 3 month old plus associated jetlag with travel to another continent? I also want her to be able to get to know her niece/nephew but feel that by living so far away that some loss of closeness is inevitable. I was brought up abroad and know that some missing out is inevitable so am not unsympathetic but I would be more willing to go there when the baby is a bit older and likely to cope better.

Lou you seem to have had the same than me.
Easy portable baby as a first, nightmare one who wouldn't settle if not a totally silent environment for the second.
I've also flown with both them, a lot of it on my own.
Relatively easy with dc1. No way I would have done such a long flight with dc2, who would screamed the plane down due to over tiredness (but still not sleeping)

Not a chance in hell I would fly long haul with a young baby or even a toddler. Sod that for a game of soldiers.

OP am torn as to whether YABU or not. I also travelled with DS at that age by myself and was honestly the best time to date but he was an easy baby. Dd however fed constantly over night and was a sicky baby so would have been a nightmare. My advice would be to wait until baby is a month before deciding. You'll then have some idea as to how you're all doing. And if more expensive then so be it (provided you can afford obviously! ) Also we took DS on 13 hour flight aged 21 months and he was total dream. We hyperventilated when contemplating taking Dd at the same age. They're all different

Have tried to discuss with him but he says I lack empathy and am being selfish

Where is his empathy with the mother of his child and surely dragging you all across the globe for her is more than slightly selfish?

Cross posted with a few there!

Thanks everyone I think consensus is IABU to rule out now but not to be worried about it so we will wait until autumn and see what kind of baby we get and if we can afford it! The weather will be better there too if we go later in the year!

Sadly when there's a distance involved then you can't always see who you want when you want.

Although babies are portable, they still need a bed, clothes and nappies at the other end!

It would certainly be easier for her to come to you imo.

I didn't even want to get the bus to the shops when mine were 3 months old.

why can't you pay for a ticket for his sister to come over and visit instead?

I hardly left the house the first few months with DD1 as I was trying to get a routine and had no set feed times, was BF her and was not comfortable doing so in public. You don't know what it will be like until you have the baby.

She had 1st long haul flight when she was 9months old, slept on the way there, as it was overnight, very unsettled on way back, was daytime.

Since then have travelled with 3 DC at various ages, but always overnight as cant handle stress of toddlers not settling, there's not much you can do to get a toddler sitting if it doesn't want to. So I think over 4 months but under a year is about right, but wait until you have baby n see how well settled they are, giving birth n settling, getting a comfort zone n routine r very hard esp with first born.

Very baby dependent. I wouldn't travel without the vaccinations, but with DD it would have been no problem. DS, another story completely, he cried all the time. Jet lag at that age is irrelevant, they have no concept of time!

How about suggesting to your DH that you Skype as soon as (not literally!) the baby is here so she is the first person in the family to meet him/her?

Those who move away are the ones that should make the effort in general.

Depends on baby really. One of mine would have been ok, but I wouldn't have been, one cried solidly so no, one had bad reflux, a twelve hour flight would have meant at least four major vomits. Lovely.

I also think your DH needs to get his head around the fact that his sister will miss out. My FIL only lives in Scotland (we are in London) but has met DD a mere two times, she is 18months. It's a shame, and he isn't any less important to her, but distance prevents us seeing each other.

Buy her a ticket to come see you

Great idea - half the cost of you & DH travelling and no hassle.

Glad he's seen sense! Waiting is a good plan. I'm with those who think a baby is easier than a toddler - we flew at 6 months at it was fine (and 9 months, also fine) - got progressively harder as she got older, and hoping there is shift back to easier soon!

Anyway, we would have been fine at 4 months, but not 3 months - I was still passing lochia until about 13 weeks! Not easy to deal with on an airplane. And DD had health issues and we had only just gotten over the hump back to normalcy about that time. We needed a few more weeks to get into the real swing of things.

So seeing how you and baby are doing is a good plan. Also, you could even fly SIL and BIL out for the same price as you both going there, couldn't you?