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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed off with DH wanting to travel abroad with 3 month old?

64 replies

foreverclockwatching · 02/06/2016 19:40

DH sister lives abroad a ten hour and then two hour flight away. Our first baby is due end of September and DH has just announced that he wants to go there for Christmas as 'he wants his sister to get to know the baby'. AIBU to be annoyed because a) would like to spend Christmas with some of my family too as will be first grandchild and b) don't want to cope with a days travel with 3 month old plus associated jetlag with travel to another continent? I also want her to be able to get to know her niece/nephew but feel that by living so far away that some loss of closeness is inevitable. I was brought up abroad and know that some missing out is inevitable so am not unsympathetic but I would be more willing to go there when the baby is a bit older and likely to cope better.

OP posts:
Noisylion · 02/06/2016 20:05

Surely the woman who's just given birth takes priority over the aunty meeting the baby? She can meet her when the op is up to travelling.

Marmighty · 02/06/2016 20:06

Oops, agree with Slough that Christmas with a three month old is not that exciting - Christmas with a 15 month old will be much more fun for your folks.

DeadGood · 02/06/2016 20:06

I flew 20 hours on my own with 6 week old DC. Not easy, probably wouldn't do it again! But your situation is easier as you won't be alone, the flight's not that long and the baby will be slightly older. I think it's definitely doable and previous posters are right in that it's an easy time to travel with a breastfed baby.

PurpleTraitor · 02/06/2016 20:06

If you don't want to go, you don't want to go, you're not being unreasonable. But don't blame the baby.

Three month olds are very portable and pretty much the easiest they will be for about 8 years, and free. if you are going to go at all, best to go at 3 months.

You might wish you did at Christmas 2017 or 2018 when You are flying with a 15 month old or 2 year old.

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 02/06/2016 20:08

We first did plane travel at 4 months, and it was the easiest time ever that we've travelled with DC. The plane noise made DD1 sleepy and breastfeeding was up and running which really helped.

I can only give you my experience, but there will never be an easier time in my opinion.

ThatStewie · 02/06/2016 20:08

Erm, he called you selfish and said you lacked empathy for wanting to discuss Christmas arrangements?Confused

Is he always like this?

loobypas · 02/06/2016 20:08

I went to Australia with my 12 week old and it was really easy. No jet lag as there is no real difference between night and day at that stage and with such a small baby there is no bar to where you can go. Once the baby gets a little older it becomes much, much awkward to travel once they are mobile.

Maybe make a compromise and suggest spending Christmas day at home with your family and fly out on Boxing Day?

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2016 20:08

Surely the woman who's just given birth takes priority over the aunty meeting the baby? Not really 'just' given birth...

Original poster
foreverclockwatching · 02/06/2016 20:09

MrsTerryPratchett that was my first thought too but don't think she'd want to come without her husband (haven't asked I admit) so then it is two sets of flights. They are planning to come over next summer when they should be able to afford it. I have told him about posting this an responses and he says that we can make the decision when the baby is here, which makes me feel better.

OP posts:
FabFiveFreddie · 02/06/2016 20:10

I wouldn't take a baby on a flight until it's had its vaccinations, which where I live happen at 3mo.

After that I'm with the "better now than when a toddler" camp. I waited till 4mo with both DC, hated it when DD was 18-36mo. So much easier before and after those ages.

magoria · 02/06/2016 20:10

I think you would be crazy to make plans.

Baby could be a couple of weeks late. Or there could (heaven forbid) be complications.

If you can afford to fly out there why doesn't your H buy his DSister the tickets for Christmas so she can come over here and see all her family including her DParents?

FabFiveFreddie · 02/06/2016 20:11

Yes wait till baby is here. First babies are daunting when you're anticipating them. Reality can be very different. There's always a huge pressure around the time of birth, but remember the babies know no different until they're about 4yo. Tell him to chill. There will be plenty of time. (I totally agree re losing contact when overseas, It's inevitable).

ThatStewie · 02/06/2016 20:12

I traveled that far with a 3 month old. It was easier than anytime she was older but I didn't have cracked nipples, PND, sleep deprivation etc.

Babies tend to be more portable. Their mothers less so. Waiting to book until after the baby is born is much more sensible.

nannybeach · 02/06/2016 20:12

Travelling long distances with a 3 month old is easy, REALLY, what about the nappies, all the baby stuff, and I have so often had screaming babies on flights, who are clearly not enjoying the experience. No, enjoy getting to know your baby yourself first!

Noisylion · 02/06/2016 20:12

At 3 months I definitely felt like I was still recovering. I was getting no sleep with ds and he was sick after every feed and doing explosive poos.

I can't believe people are saying that newborns are easier than older dc, but I guess everyone is different.

magoria · 02/06/2016 20:13

Xpost there.

But you would have to buy a ticket for you and a ticket for DH so that would be 2 sets anyway. So no more expensive.

And you get the bonus of she can stay with parents but you all see each other.

Original poster
foreverclockwatching · 02/06/2016 20:15

Thatstewie not at all or I wouldn't have married him! His sis has not had the easiest time of it lately and I know she has been sad about not seeing the baby when small so it is quite likely I am being selfish for wanting to rule it out entirely. The idea of travel with a baby terrifies me atm!

OP posts:
Kimononono · 02/06/2016 20:16

Oh men are so full of 'great' ideas on what you can manage with a new baby.

Let him call you selfish and lacking empathy.bi wouldn't even discuss it with him anymore. If you dont want to go - don't. No way would I be doing that journey.

HappyNevertheless · 02/06/2016 20:16

Honestly? You will find plenty of people who have travelled with a baby that young.
And plenty of peole who wouldn't have even started to think about doing such a thing.

Yes babies are easier but having a baby on your lap for that long isn't my idea of fun.
You have no idea what sort baby she/he will be. You migt have a nice easy one that will travel well. Or you might have a baby with reflux taht refuses to be put down. Or one that hardly sleeps which means you are knackered and won't cope well with the jetlag etc...

What about your DH? How involved is he planning to be? I she planning to be at night to feed the baby? Is he planning to have the baby on his lap for most of the trip? Etc etc
I find that peole who are happy to say 'Oh yes let's do that' either aren't that involved in the hard part of the trip or are incredibly naive (I put myself in there. That's the sort of thing I would have said pre DC. Not after having dc2 though)

Another side of course is: how is it yu being selfish for wanting to see your family (and some of his!) at Christmas but somehow he isn't selfish for wanting to be with his family with no regards to yours??

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/06/2016 20:17

I can't believe people are saying that newborns are easier than older dc, but I guess everyone is different. DD has done over 30 flights in her 5 years so I know whereof I speak. 3 months was fine, 8 months was great, toddler was a fucking nightmare. She walked early and is very active so she couldn't sit in her chair at all. 3-4 was great if you don't care about letting them watch TV the whole way. She's awesome now.

She wasn't a vomitter or colic baby though, which I think makes a real difference.

JeanGenie23 · 02/06/2016 20:19

I wouldn't have made plans to get on a long haul flight three months after giving birth. Firstly you may have to have a c-section, it will take you 6-8weeks to recover, to then travel just after that, I think could be a lot of pressure. That being said you could have the easiest birth, the easiest babe and it will no bother whatsoever. I think there are too many factors outside of your control to consider, therefore I wouldn't go. Blush

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 02/06/2016 20:19

It's not even about the baby travelling and the distances, it's a numbers game where going to see your SIL would also disappoint both sets of Grandparents and other nearby relatives.

I would say the majority prevails and you should do a Facetime or Skype Christmas Day with your SIL and BIL.

LouSavage · 02/06/2016 20:21

When I was on my first baby I would've said go for it. He was one of those portable "good babies".. My daughter on the other hand? Fuck no. We went to Devon when she was 12 weeks and it should have been a 3.5 hour drive. It turned into 7+ hours of hell and then a week of anxiety while on holiday knowing we had the return journey to do. Not a hope in hell would I be flying long haul.

Iflyaway · 02/06/2016 20:25

No way will you want to fly for 10 + 2 hours (plus waiting times) with a 3-month old baby.

You'll just be getting a routine in then. As well as dealing with 24-hour round the clock feeding and exhaustion. Don't let them bully you.

WTF is he thinking? A prize to be shown around?! Fuck that.

expatinscotland · 02/06/2016 20:29

Fuck that. I travelled with DD1 to the US when she was 6 months old. She was a doddle. But a baby like DS? Nightmare!

Buy her a ticket to come see you.

YANBU