Dp asleep dd bathing younger dd wwyd

[Jordan1990]

Basically me and dp both work, I have dd aged 10 and dd aged 18 months. Instead of being in childcare they are going for a day out with grandparents and extended family for a day out, grandparents live 5 doors up. I leave for work at 7.30. Last night youngest dd woke in the night crying (if she cries longer than a minute or two she's sick) so rush in to settle her but wouldn't settle so brought her into my bed (dp had fallen asleep on sofa) anyway I was to late in calming her and she was sick so have got up stripped all bedding and redone it changed her and gone back to sleep it's about 2 in the morning now.

So up I get in the morning dd youngest needs a bath before going out this morning as she's smelling sicky but was still asleep. Dp wakes from the sofa at about 6 30 and goes up to bed I ask him could him make sure he baths dd before his mum comes at 9 15 to pick the kids. Yeah no problem all good. 7 30 comes and he's dozed off again with dd so I've woke him to tell him I need to go and he could do with getting himself and dd up shortly to get ready. I say bye to dd 10 who's getting dressed ready.

Get to work for 8 and get a call about 20 past from dd 10 saying hi mummy I kept trying to get daddy up but I couldn't wake him up so I've put little dd in the bath she's in there now what do I do. Am I right in thinking that most people would be horrified to think there 10 year old was bathing an 18 month old with no adult supervision? I've told her to wait there and not leave her in the bathroom alone. I didn't tell her to whip her out the bath as babies can be slippery little suckers when wet. Tried calling dp, phone off so called his parents and asked if one of them could run down and help and wake dp while they were at it.

Dp phones me to say his dad has come down and how dare I phone him to come down that me and dd 10 are undermining little shits and because of 'stunts' like these this is why he takes a back seat on being a parent.

Previous 'stunts' involve me leaving him with the kids while I got the dogs hair cut and within 20 minutes of me going he text to say get the fuck home now and sort these kids out. I phoned his dad and asked if he would popping down to give him a hand as I thought the kids were being a handful. As the dog groomer had just started cutting the dog and I can't leave him alone as he gets too stressed I thought would be best solution.

Am I being an undermining shit? Would u of left your 10 year old to carry on with bathing and changing baby? I'm sure I'll be on for a mouthful off him at some point over the next few days not after some long stoney silent treatment

Thanks for all your replies, although some extremely judgy people on here I'm so embarrassed that anyone could think im in anyway shape or form negligent to my children or let dd10 take a lead role of playing mum. She's loves her little sister and like a lot of children has that natural maternal instinct and given have a chance loves to help out. Not that's she's ever bathed her before but I think that may have been worrying in case they were late. They were being picked up at 9.15.

Normally they have after school clubs/nursery in place but with it being half term and their nan being a teacher and being off too they all had a day out.
I'm really surprised by such a small snapshot the amount of ltb type of opinions (not that your wrong) older dd has never heard a bad word come out of his mouth and thankfully have never had to no what a shit house he can be. But I suppose as she gets older she will pick up on these things. He can be the worlds most amazing dad one day and a completely different person the next. To such an extreme it's hard to describe.

Realistically thinking about it and reading all your comments this is just a snippet and there is a much larger issue that I need to address.

Maybe I'll try and locate my backbone and put it to some good use!

Thanks for the reminder that this shit isn't normal x

You've name changed op.

Does he have mental health issues?

Sorry I disabled my account while I was at work so nothing came through on the iPad, else all hell would of been let loose 😁 I've asked him to go doctors several times they gave him anti depressant and anxiety medication but he wouldn't take it as the side effect were drowsiness. I think part of the problem is aswell is that he's not overly honest when he sees the doctor about his actions and behaviours and he's only been before to try and satisfy me that he's going to do something about it

Op I didn't mean to suggest you were making her parent your toddler but that he was. Might be worth asking her what else she does when you're not their.

Before you LTB it is worth thinking about the fact that once you've left you will have NO influence over how he parents. If he gets 50:50 or even EOW, you will be handing an 18 mo to someone who you don't trust to put the kids needs first, and you won't be around to keep an eye on them.

iris I doubt he will bother

This Jekyll and Hyde type behaviour is really emotionally abusive. Maybe time to look long and hard at what is going on and whether you and the DC deserve better?

Unfortunately unless he can stay Dr Jeckyll and not turn into Mr Hyde, your children can't be very safe around him alone. I'm sure you know this already. Thank goodness his parents are a few doors down. It must be very frustrating probably soul destroying to be with a partner who is so unpredictable - great one minute and abusive the next.

I also think you should be discussing what dd1 does as well when you're not around. And how her father treats both of them when you're not there.

Interesting cross post with happypoobum

Not that's she's ever bathed her before but I think that may have been worrying in case they were late. They were being picked up at 9.15.

She shouldn't be worrying about stuff like that. She clearly knows her dad is a loser

Irisprima that has been something I've thought about before when I've been close to leaving, it's a very rare occasion that I'm not here and everything is fine when I am because I can manage his moods more, keep things tidy, do the cooking make day out arrangements, get little one off for a nap deal with tantrums from kids anything that I no may send him into a change of mood. If I wasn't there to do that and had to hand them over eow, I'd be a wreck with worry just in case something went pear shaped x

Why are you still with this twat!

If s parents are active and involved you may find they take a lot of the brunt to ensure that they don't themselves miss out on the gc. This, on the one hand, unfortunately perpetuates the uselessness, on the other hand at least if the GPs are there it might put your mind at rest.

Been there, done it. There is no easy solution.

If grandparents

I imagine it would be sort of OK for Dd1 but dd2 has got all the tantrum era to get through.

But still you're walking on egg shells. Does he work?

Lol that's a whole other story, yes and no he got a unit that he was doing up/fitting out etc to run as a car workshop, his own business type deal but that's been ongoing for about 4 years so he doesn't have a regular income. Sometimes he helps financially sometimes not, but that an extremely sensitive subject to bring up at home!

Dear god I wanna slap myself even writing this. If one of my friends was telling me this I no what I'd be saying to them!

So to quote an expression I learnt recently. He's a cock lodger.

Do you really think he'd manage to get his act together enough to bother to fight for 50:50 custody?

If you are concerned and his behaviour gets out of hand, you can contact the police as they treat emotional abuse very seriously these days. That way you would also have some kind of record about his behaviour to present in court if necessary.

Being a lazy twat doesn't make you an abuser.

He might not go for 50:50 (although my ex was all for it if it meant he didn't have to pay maintenance, OPs sounds similar) but even EOW with a young baby is bad enough when you don't know they are being looked after properly.

"everything is fine when I am [present in the house] because I can manage his moods more, keep things tidy, do the cooking make day out arrangements, get little one off for a nap deal with tantrums from kids anything that I no may send him into a change of mood."
Or to put it another way, everything is fine when I work my arse off to prevent anything that he might use as an excuse for him indulging in another bad mood.

You are walking on eggshells, and so is your 10 years old daughter . You are kidding yourself if you think she's not seeing what's going on. At the very least, think about what relationship behaviour you are modelling to her - one where the woman (her, in future years) does everything to placate and wheedle an arse with a penis! Is that the future you want for her?

I know Iris I'm just wondering if what op has said about him is the tip of the iceberg. What op has quoted him saying is verbally abusive. By her own admission she's managing his environment to prevent him from having "a change of mood".

I think there is a bit of an overreaction to the ten year old giving the toddler a bath confused we're not talking a five year old hear and it's not bathing a child in river Rapid totally disagree

water is leathal, we all know child can drown in inch of water and in moments.

You dont mess round with it.

If my DH is bathing DC, and pops down stairs even for a moment, I am straight up there. so many things can happen in bath.

OP your partner sounds very immature, I wonder if he is the dc father? he sounds un caring

What would happen if his parents weren't up the road? It appears you've gotten into the habit of expecting his parents to parent him and that's resulted in the lazy arse rebelling against being treated like the child he acts like. Calling his Mummy and Daddy to pick up his slack isn't a long term solution and you're going to have to start expecting him to do better. If he refuses, then you'll have to accept that you're married to a man child or, you need to send him back to his birth mother.

He doesn't work but you need to pay nursery/after school clubs because he's incapable of looking after his own children?