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Original poster

Dp asleep dd bathing younger dd wwyd

164 replies

Jordan1990 · 02/06/2016 12:27

Basically me and dp both work, I have dd aged 10 and dd aged 18 months. Instead of being in childcare they are going for a day out with grandparents and extended family for a day out, grandparents live 5 doors up. I leave for work at 7.30. Last night youngest dd woke in the night crying (if she cries longer than a minute or two she's sick) so rush in to settle her but wouldn't settle so brought her into my bed (dp had fallen asleep on sofa) anyway I was to late in calming her and she was sick so have got up stripped all bedding and redone it changed her and gone back to sleep it's about 2 in the morning now.

So up I get in the morning dd youngest needs a bath before going out this morning as she's smelling sicky but was still asleep. Dp wakes from the sofa at about 6 30 and goes up to bed I ask him could him make sure he baths dd before his mum comes at 9 15 to pick the kids. Yeah no problem all good. 7 30 comes and he's dozed off again with dd so I've woke him to tell him I need to go and he could do with getting himself and dd up shortly to get ready. I say bye to dd 10 who's getting dressed ready.

Get to work for 8 and get a call about 20 past from dd 10 saying hi mummy I kept trying to get daddy up but I couldn't wake him up so I've put little dd in the bath she's in there now what do I do. Am I right in thinking that most people would be horrified to think there 10 year old was bathing an 18 month old with no adult supervision? I've told her to wait there and not leave her in the bathroom alone. I didn't tell her to whip her out the bath as babies can be slippery little suckers when wet. Tried calling dp, phone off so called his parents and asked if one of them could run down and help and wake dp while they were at it.

Dp phones me to say his dad has come down and how dare I phone him to come down that me and dd 10 are undermining little shits and because of 'stunts' like these this is why he takes a back seat on being a parent.

Previous 'stunts' involve me leaving him with the kids while I got the dogs hair cut and within 20 minutes of me going he text to say get the fuck home now and sort these kids out. I phoned his dad and asked if he would popping down to give him a hand as I thought the kids were being a handful. As the dog groomer had just started cutting the dog and I can't leave him alone as he gets too stressed I thought would be best solution.

Am I being an undermining shit? Would u of left your 10 year old to carry on with bathing and changing baby? I'm sure I'll be on for a mouthful off him at some point over the next few days not after some long stoney silent treatment

OP posts:
JolieColombe · 02/06/2016 12:47

Why on earth couldn't he stay awake? Is he ill? Had he been drinking? Or is he just a lazy cocklodger?

And if my DH ever spoke about either of our girls in that way (which he never ever would) he'd be out before he could blink.

Your DD1 sounds like sweetie, bless her. But she shouldn't be having to be the responsible one at 10, which is what she was left to be, as the eldest conscious person in the house.

LongChalk · 02/06/2016 12:47

Your younger daughter could have drowned. And then what? Apart from the utter horror and devastation you would feel at that, you would then need to deal with how that one incident had ruined your other daughter's life. Because she'd blame herself for ever more despite it not being her fault. It would have been entirely his fault. He's bloody lucky you phoned his dad. Tosser!

RhiWrites · 02/06/2016 12:48

You need a structure to undermine it. Your P has all the structure of a jelly.

purplefox · 02/06/2016 12:49

Your DH is a dick. How can a 10 year old be an undermining shit?

Kidnapped · 02/06/2016 12:50

"Previous 'stunts' involve me leaving him with the kids while I got the dogs hair cut and within 20 minutes of me going he text to say get the fuck home now and sort these kids out".

He is bloody awful. Get rid.

MatildaTheCat · 02/06/2016 12:51

I would want to know why he was so deeply asleep he couldn't be woken up. Was he drinking or taking drugs last night? Or up all night doing god knows what?

A 10year old definitely cannot safely bathe a slippery and heavy toddler. I would have told her to take out the plug and wrap the baby in a towel until help arrived. That help might have been the in laws or might have been the authorities.

He's defensive because he knows he's wrong but doesn't sound as if he is learning. And the other episode is just stupid. What happens if you are ill?

stiffstink · 02/06/2016 12:51

Leaving aside the bath incident which is astonishing on its own- he sleeps downstairs on the sofa all night leaving you to deal with the children on your own upstairs, then he gets back into bed when you get up at 6.30am and goes back to sleep for another 2 hours leaving you to do all the organising of his children?!

tabulahrasa · 02/06/2016 12:51

If you're going to continue living with him (though why'd you'd want to I don't know) you need to have a word with your 10 yr old about what to do if she's worried - because the time to phone you would have been when she couldn't wake him up, not after she'd felt the need to try and be a responsible adult seeing as there wasn't one in the house.

As for your DP, WTF was he doing leaving an 18 month old unsupervised? How the hell could he sleep through your DD trying to wake him up, then putting the baby in the bath? And then he has the actual cheek to complain that a child had to contact somebody else because he was neglecting the baby?!!!!

KatharinaRosalie · 02/06/2016 12:51

He is a nasty, abusive, lazy, irrestponsible bully.

And you will 'be on for a mouthful off him'? After his daughter was unable to get him up while he was supposed to be looking after them? When, due to his lazyness, his 18-month old baby was alone in the bath (while your DD was calling you)? It takes just a second..

I would be livid.

And yes, your poor DD1, she was trying to be helpful. Can he even imagine what it would have been like for her, if something would have happened.

Also, OP, you do know that it's actually not normal to tell your partner to get to fuck home and that your daughter is a little shit?

NeedACleverNN · 02/06/2016 12:52

Your poor Dd having to shoulder the burden because her dad can't be bothered to be a dad!

Tell him to pull his finger out or get out!

DaveCamoron · 02/06/2016 12:52

He sounds like an absolute shit, I hope you're considering your future with him.

weebarra · 02/06/2016 12:52

What I'm confused about in the "previous stunt" was why you phoned his dad instead of telling him to parent his children himself?

Rainbow · 02/06/2016 12:56

YANBU. Bless her she was probably trying to help as daddy wouldn't wake up. Not you are not an undermining sh*t as he said, you are a caring, responsible parent. The risk of drowning, dropping the baby or DD1 was very real and she needed help. It's not like you didn't try to phone DP before phoning GP. He is an irresponsible, bullying shit IMO. You are doing exactly what you should be, protecting your DC x

PatriciaHolm · 02/06/2016 12:57

You know he's an abusive twat, right?

WickedLazy · 02/06/2016 12:58

I would be raging at him. 10 year old dd has tried to be helpful, her mum phoned while she was probably worrying when gp's would get their, knowing they both have to be ready, while dad is passed out (lazy shit) and is now getting the blame from him?!

He was an idiot, and being a dick about it. If I'd woken up to my dad shouting at me that I'd slept in, and found ds in the bath unsupervised, trying to get ready, I would be horrified at myself and just relieved ds was okay. Dp should feel ashamed. It's not a nice feeling, does he get ratty/defensive when he feels guilty?

NewLife4Me · 02/06/2016 12:58

He'd be long gone now, after swearing at me to sort the kids.
What an excuse for a husband and father, he doesn't deserve any of uou, especially the children.
What a shit.

Purplepicnic · 02/06/2016 12:59

A father who can't cope with his own children for 20mins is no father at all.

And we're not talking three under 5 or anything! One of them is 10!

WickedLazy · 02/06/2016 12:59

there*

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 02/06/2016 13:01

some long stoney silent treatment

Next 60 years or so?

I don't often say it OP, but he sounds incredibly unpleasant and you and your DC deserve far, far better.

I would probably be considering my options here.

NewLife4Me · 02/06/2016 13:02

I think you either give up work as you are the only parent capable of looking after your dc, or you give up your dp.
Your children aren't safe in his hands.

wrapsuperstar · 02/06/2016 13:05

Looking forward to reading about all his redeeming qualities.

He isn't your PARTNER. He's a bully and a parasite. Your poor children. This will fuck your eldest up, you know.

WickedLazy · 02/06/2016 13:06

Please let your dd know what daddy did wasn't very nice, and could you ask him to apologise to her? I wouldn't just talk with him in private, you don't want her to think what he did was okay. God forbid it would be her own dp lying on couch one day out of it while she does all the running about after dc. Is he often as feckless as this?

Casmama · 02/06/2016 13:07

Whilst I think many of the criticisms of your partner are justified I think there is a bit of an overreaction to the ten year old giving the toddler a bath Confused we're not talking a five year old hear and it's not bathing a child in river Rapids.

Casmama · 02/06/2016 13:08

Here Blush

clarrrp · 02/06/2016 13:12

I'm slightly concerned about the fact that your daughter wasn't able to wake him and had to call you - that must have been scary for her,. It sounds like your partner has other issues going on and you need to have a frank talk with him about this. In all honesty you need to ask yourself what could ahve happened if your 10 year old wasn't there - what could your 18 month old have gotten up to while daddy was sleeping?

I would totally have called someone too. Hopefully it will shame him into getting his act together. If not then you need to take a good long look at your family set up and decide if he's really good for your kids or not.