To be furious that the kids were left alone?

[Therearenonamesleft]

My OH got home late last night after drinks with friends. He got a taxi home and this am forgot that his car was still parked at the station. I leave for work earlyish in the morning and he is responsible for taking the kids to school / holiday club most mornings. Today he suddenly realised his car was at station after I'd left for work so he gave the kids breakfast (DS is 7.5 and Dd is 5) and told them to be sensible and not go upstairs or open the door etc and that he had to go and fetch the car. He claims he legged it all the way and was back home in 8minutes.
I feel furious and sick with worry and unease. AIBU? I think they're too young to be left alone even for this short amount of time. I shared my concerns and husband said he sees my point of view but disagrees as he thinks the risks are minuscule. I've asked him not to do it again - at least until DS is competent at making a call on the landline should some problem arise. They are both very sensible children and I often leave them playing upstairs etc while I'm in the garden etc but they are always close enough to call me. Should I take this any further? Is this a safeguarding issue I need to be worrying about? I don't want to over react but I feel uncomfortable about his inability to guarantee it won't happen again.
Thanks for reading all this! Any sensible advice welcome.

Just as aside, years ago a friend ran down the road to post a letter, gone 5 minutes max. Her DD called 999.

I dared to go to the toilet and my DD called them, she was 2 at the time though!

Am I the only one wondering why he even takes the car to the station if it only takes him 8 minutes to run there and drive back?

I wouldn't have been happy about it. I think he won't do it again as you've shown your feelings and he probably was worried while running back!

How far could you get with cooking dinner in 8 minutes? Even if they did turn the hob on it is hardly going to cause any problems in 8 minutes- not unless you have gas rings and they feed it with paper (speaking as somebody who has accidentally left an electric hob on for considerably more than 8 minutes).

Again, I would maintain that understanding of danger is something that comes with actually handling things. I grew up on an island where I handled boats and was made to feel responsible for boats from a very young age. As a result, by the time I was 10 and allowed to take the boat out on my own, it would never occur to me to cast away without carefully checking the sky and the feel of the wind and the feel of the air for any change in weather. If there was anything wrong in the air, I just did not go out. It was ingrained.

I had also grown up cooking from a young age, and again fooling about and playing with cookers wasn't something I did because by the age of 7 I knew I could produce a pretty good cake without help.

I'm shocked that most of mn think this it ok. In my book it certainly isn't but I would just make sure dh knew how irresponsible he'd been.

And that's why its a good idea for them to do things alone Pearlman so they learn how to handle problems and risks

I remember my first summer in the town I'm living now, in Finland, on a lake. Went out in our boat and saw two little boys, about ten years old, out by themselves in a rowing boat and thought to myself 'that'd never happen in the UK!'

But the 7yo and 5yo in this case hadn't been taught to handle risk, or what to do in the event of a problem. It's very unlikely that the ten-year-old children on the lake were out there in a boat for the very first time with no prior experience of boats and lakes, no idea what to do in an emergency, and without having been taught to row and swim.

So amazed that you don't understand the difference between "this is ok" and "this may not be ok but fuck me are you over reacting"?

this ^

Pearlman Thu 02-Jun-16 17:59:38

"Good for you. Most kids do not bake cakes alone"

Not in this country, no. In northern Europe it is precisely the kind of thing they do do.

So I am interested in why:

a) the statistics do not show a lower incidence of serious accidents in the UK

b) why repeated surveys have shown UK children as more likely than other children to engage in "risky behaviour" (is it because they have fewer legitimate outlets for their need for independence? because they have never learnt to risk assess?)

I seriously wonder what people think will happen to 2 kids, sat in front of a telly for 8m whilst dad fetches car. He did not take a weeks holiday or leave them to fend for themselves for anything. Nothing was cooking. They had presumably been told to sit tight and that he would be back very soon. There actually would be far more risks involved in walking to the car with him. Why is it so hard for people to see this. I think people in this country have gone mad with over-protectiveness.
A few weeks ago, my DH who works from home, had to go to London for the day and I was working until 5pm. I gave the kids house keys and for the first time let them come home without either of us there. (they are 13,11 and nearly 10) By the time I was home, the washing was in, the dog had been walked and there was a pasta bake waiting for me. That is what kids are capable of if you encourage them to be independent and responsible. We need to stop wrapping our kids up in cotton wool as in the longterm that will make them safer, even if you have to take a few risks along the way.

We can debate the likelihood of various situations until the cows come home, but the reality is that leaving a 7 and a 5 year old alone is a risk that could seriously backfire and not one I would take myself until my children were a bit older

things happen here in seconds. with adults present.

I wouldnt be happy with leaving them no.

But it was a mistake! He got lucky, nothing happened. If he gets that, fine, leave him alone!

The difference in ages though, from 3,5, 8, 9 to 10 and 11. Its huge gaps at this age!

What Sranan actually happened while the dh was out?

None.

He deemed his own children sensible enough to be left for a few minutes. And he was right. They were sensible and stayed put.

The difference between leaving a 13yo as the responsible child and a 7yo as the responsible child is enormous!

I don't even get why people are discussing how unlikely a worst case scenario is. It's highly unlikely a sensible 3 year old would do anything other than play if left for a few hours it doesn't mean it's right! I think a 7 year old should be able to expect to be looked after by an adult not left looking after themselves and a younger sibling.

because young children do not always understand the potential for danger in, say, cooking dinner or playing with wires

Then teach them.

Not the best parenting moment, but not a tragic drama either.

Of course people aren't interested in discussing statistics when the statistics show that the other way of doing things isn't necessarily more dangerous... children aren't born more sensible and responsible in Northern Europe and there is always going to be their first time being left alone but most of them manage just fine. 7 year olds take the metro/bus/walk/bike home from school, let themselves in, make themselves a snack (maybe even using the hob!) and do their homework all without adults here.

On our street children from age 6 upwards play out alone for ages. Their parents aren't watching them constantly but they can pop home whenever they like. I think that's more risky than leaving children at home for 10 mins. It's up to the parent to weigh up whether the risk is ok taking into account their child's personality etc.

What your DH did would not worry me.

What I meant by 'taking it further' is whether or not I change my work patterns in order to not leave him in sole charge in the am's

This is outrageous. How insulting to your partner.

Unless there is something you're not telling us, the bottom line seems to be that you think they are your children, you somehow have the right to remove his privilege of looking after his own children, and only your risk assessment is valid.

Can you not just talk to each other about it some more, and listen to each other?