AIBU about this wedding guest and WWYD?

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My partner and I are getting married at the end of July. I'm chasing guests for rsvps especially the day guests. We have a very limited number that can attend and there are still a couple of people I'd love to be able to squeeze in.
We have one guest, a close friend of both our families, who cannot give me a definite yes or no. They have a potential job offer which may take them across the country, which will mean they can't attend. Now, if this were any other guest I'd have no problem if they let me down at the last minute, but this guest has very, very specific and difficult dietary requirements so the food they have on offer is extremely limited. If they can't make it, I can't fill the space and will have to pay for the food that won't get eaten. I feel kind of put out and want to say that maybe I should swap their day invite for just an evening invite both because of the space I could easily give to someone that'll definitely be there and because of the money we'll lose if they just don't turn up, but then I feel like a total bitch because this is a close friend we've known for years. I've tried to explain this to the guest in a gentle unbitchy way but it's like they're not hearing me and I end up feeling all bridezilla.
So WIBU to be more blunt, potentially hurting their feelings or do I just accept it? WWYD?

Youve lost the cost of their food whether they turn up or not.

Are you not feeding your evening guests then? Presumably you would have to cater separately for her in the evening too. She has had the courtesy to let you know her situation (many don't). She can hardly go back to her potential employers for an update because you are concerned about your wedding arrangements. You have to decide whether you want her there or not. If you value the other potential guests more you are going to have to break it to your friend but I don't know how you do that without impacting negatively (and possibly terminally) on your relationship.

As Running said 1 meal wasted is nothing in the overall cost of a wedding.

You can't un-invite them. They're not being deliberately difficult. I would just pay for their meal. But then I really can't imagine any meal that no-one else would eat (also despite the caterers pushing you, you could probably let them know a few weeks before and they could substitute the special meal for a regular one).

I'd be quite cross about this, as I'd have expected them to be thoughtful enough to suggest a solution themselves. I'd ask for a solid date by which they'll let you know. If none is forthcoming, I couldn't bring myself to uninvite them though!

I would say that it is pretty rude to invite others at only a couple of months notice anyway. Surely they would realise that they are not on the A list.

Well you fly in the face of mn wisdom there Bohemond. On most wedding threads 6 weeks is plenty of time for sending out your invites so 2 months is ample and not rude. Have a missed where the op said it was a b list? No, thought not.

My daughter did hers 4-6 months before, but that was a summer wedding at a time when lots of guests might book holidays.

The venue are doing all the catering . We'll be meeting with them week after next to confirm numbers and food etc. I'll get in touch and see what they say about potential of changing the one meal a couple of weeks before hand and see what they say.

Just confirm friend's dietary requirements to the venue, but explain there might be a change of plan two weeks in advance. I'm sure they'll accommodate you- they won't be going out and buying the ingredients for your wedding breakfast on 6 June! If they insist on charging you for the special meal anyway, I think you just have to shrug in a Gallic kind of way and say "meh".

The person sounds precious and Id be looking for a way to say - would you mind just coming to the evening do in view of the uncertainty over your plans and the fact numbers have to be finalised next week.

Sounds like a good plan op. If the venue refuse to do this, I would seriously consider changing them to evening only. They are a good friend so they should understand if you say it in a sensitive way.

YANBU

We had a wedding invitation but dd got down to the final audition for a lead role in a small touring theatre production. If she got the role then the final rehearsal week would clash with the wedding.

The couple wanted the rsvp ridiculously early (April for an end of August wedding) so we declined as we didn't know if dd would get the part until May (she did)

Your guest should regretfully decline if they still can't commit at this stage.

YABU. You invited them and they have explained clearly why they can't rsvp properly until mid-July. Shit happens. It's just one of those things. There will be people who don't show on the day too so you need to get used to it.

The catering company should surely be fine about 1 switch of meal a few weeks before. I would hope they would not be storing the food from the end of next week until the actual wedding!

because of the money we'll lose if they just don't turn up

I can live with losing the money.

Make your mind up.

The food will all be done fresh. It may have more to do with ordering in the ingredients for the food. I'm not sure how late they can leave it. Will have to check.

Honestly the polite thing for any guest to do is decline as they can't be sure. I did this for a friend's wedding. They were grateful just to know.

Losing the money??

Is this some kind of business venture, or is this person being invited as your guest to celebrate your marriage, OP?

YABU and are overstressed, I think.

very, very specific and difficult dietary requirements

for a good medical reason or just fussy?

Your caterers will be able to accommodate a last minute change in dietary requirements, especially if all you are doing is removing the restrictive person and slotting in a straightforward person. We had to shuffle people around on the day (someone brought a new girlfriend, someone else was in labour) and nobody batted an eye.

Your friend has communicated well, you are making a mountain out of this small thing. There are going to be things you can't control, like whether your friend gets this job, and the sooner you make peace with that the more you'll enjoy your wedding.

Quite possibly, as I've already said, IABU - and yes stressed and anxious. I suffer with anxiety and tend to worry about the smallest things. Trying hard not to but I struggle not to even when I know I'm being irrational.

You won't be losing money as this person not coming won't cost any more than them coming will cost.

YANBU

If you need to cater to their specific dietary requirements and you have a cut off date for RSVPs then if she can't confirm by said date she can't come.

Not fussy. It's all medical. I really feel for them because it came out of nowhere quite recently and has made their life extraordinary difficult. No gluten, no complex sugars, no garlic or onions, no fruit and the list goes on.

If they really are a close friend you shouldn't begrudge paying the £50 or so for their food

That's crazy!! £50 is a lot of money good friend or no. It is wasteful too.

Coconutty's advice upthread is good and reasonable: " We'd love you to come but need to give a definite answer to the venue next week. Shall I just put you down for the evening so you're not under pressure to respond?"

I definitely say YANBU. We had guests do similar when we got married 4 years ago. No evening invites, just all guests coming all day, and no dietary/numbers issues to complicate matters, just the annoyance of potentially wasting money on someone who then can't come or having an empty seat on the day. We had several who couldn't rsvp for work reasons - we both just felt the polite thing to do in that situation is to play it safe and decline. That's what I would do in their shoes rather than inconvenience the B&G when they have enough organising stress to deal with, or risk costing them money.