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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh, stag do, not even bothered to call.

144 replies

Kimononono · 02/06/2016 00:30

I may BU.

Dh has gone on a stag do abroad. A proper take the piss one for six days. It's not even a bloody weekend.

I'm not bothered as its one in the bank for me when I've had this baby (5 months pregnant). He went this morning, had a text saying ' love you' as he got to the airport and nothing since!

Not even 'oh the hotel is nice' or ' just going out I'll call in morning' or called to wish dd2 good night. Or even me!

Is he being an ignorant arse or am I being moody cow?

OP posts:

QueenImpatient · 04/06/2016 11:29

Kimononono I'm glad you've spoke to your man & hopefully you've paid no attention to all the unhappy people on this thread! Everyone is different... I don't think wanting to hear from someone you love is any form of control, you might just be lucky enough to still have that spark wherein you can't get enough of them! Lucky you I say :)
And a 6 day stag do, I'd say your a pretty easy going wife!

Whathaveilost · 04/06/2016 15:27

I seriously don't get the ' landed safely' texts or calls that some people seem to expect.
I say this as someone who travels an awful lot.

I just don't get the point
' hi, I've landed
'Safely?'
' yes ,safely'

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 04/06/2016 16:47

Yanbu he should be in touch especially
Since youve got kids x

pearlylum · 04/06/2016 17:22

Whathaveilost- I think it's more than that though.
OH and I are often apart because of work, often for a week or more. we often talk at 7am, while still in bed, apart just for a few minutes, It's not about safety, of insecurities, it's about caring for each other.
Just a few words, saying how we are bracing ourselves for a boring/challenging day/breakfast in the hotel with a colleague they have had a run in with/me mentioning that a child is under the weather/gone for a sleepover/ have a meeting with a business associate.

It's because we are a team, we support each other, like talking to each other. there are many reasons that couples like to stay in touch.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/06/2016 18:16

yanbu

df went on a stag do last weekend, he texted when landed and then rang brieflypissed to say he loved me

he went away for 3 night/4 days and always had an am/eve night text and think 3 calls

i work nights so often away from each other and we always text to say goodnight

I8toys · 04/06/2016 18:29

YANBU - a quick text - that's all it takes. Common courtesy in a relationship.

MistressMerryWeather · 04/06/2016 22:55

In what way do you feel the OP is unhealthily addicted to being kept in touch, Mysteries? She's not demanded hourly texts.

That's like me saying those who aren't bothered about staying in touch have unhealthily cold relationships and no interest in one and other.

But that's not true, it's just a different relationship.

My dad went to work in New York for 3 months when I was little (before mobile phones were popular) and still rang my mum every day. They just liked chatting to each other and him being away didn't change that.

Last time DH went to London for a week he skyped me every day. That doesn't make us immature attachment-addicts, It's just the way we are.

I feel it's very small minded to decide that that's a bad thing.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 05/06/2016 05:47

MistressMerryWeather - I was making more of a social observation than specifically commenting on OP. However, OP seems to be complaining that her partner didn't text her as soon as he landed (or shortly thereafter) - and felt distressed enough to complain on a public forum.

I totally agree with you that every individual is different and so is every relationship. And you're absolutely right that one cannot diagnose an addiction from such a post. However, point remains that mobile phones are creating attachment (and other) addictions. And they are pretty much destroying the concept of solitude - and that IMHO cannot be healthy.

pearlylum · 05/06/2016 06:20

mobile phones are creating attachment (and other) addictions. And they are pretty much destroying the concept of solitude - and that IMHO cannot be healthy

Rubbish. You sound like the Dalai Lama.
We still have plenty time to be alone and have solitude. I am self employed, I work alone. Sending a text once a day to my OH when he is away for a week takes me 10 seconds and is hardly an interruption to solitude.

Mumsnottheword · 05/06/2016 06:50

Yabu.
there are plenty of things in life to worry about. Him not texting you for 24 hours on his stag do is not one of them!

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 05/06/2016 07:25

pearlylum - if the hat doesn't fit, don't wear it! Of course not everyone is being sucked in to this dynamic. I'm not. Clearly you're not. But society as a whole is: the attitude of young people towards contact and solitude is evidently vastly different to that of my grandparents, for example.

Oh, and I'm not the dalai lama

pearlylum · 05/06/2016 07:31

Attachment addiction?

i actually see mobile phones as nurturing relationships.
My teenage daughter is ill atm, spent all day in bed yesterday. Her lovely friends have been cheering her up hugely with lots of loving messages, funny video clips, silly pictures. Her day would have been a lot more miserable without her mobile phone.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 05/06/2016 07:44

Of course they can nurture relationships. They're also great for many other reasons. But they are changing the psychology of people - and not always for the better. Just saying.

Pagwatch · 05/06/2016 07:59

Lol at it being rude to take your phone out on holiday. Much more polite to not phone your family while you are away.

I would be like you OP but just because it would be unusual. DH always phones me when he is away whether it's a business trip or away with friends. I'm the same and phone home too.
It's not controlling or anything else. We love each other, miss each other and like to chat. its just the way we are.

But loving the whole batshit 'controlling' angle.

Oddsocksgalore · 05/06/2016 08:06

So needy, you'd drive me insane!

pearlylum · 05/06/2016 08:07

Pagwatch - I agree. My OH leaves today for a 3 week business trip.
I am not bereft at his absence. The house runs like clockwork without him. I enjoy special time with the kids.
He will text or phone twice a day.

Oysterbabe · 05/06/2016 08:10

Yanbu especially as you have a child. I don't expect DH to tell me his every move while away but he will send the odd message letting me know how he's getting on and asking after me and our DD.

Pagwatch · 05/06/2016 08:18

pearlylum

Yep, he's just always done it and I'm the same. its nice.
I do wonder sometimes that we never run out of things to talk about but he's interesting and he makes me laugh.
When he's away it's fine. I like being alone with the kids sometimes. It's a different dynamic.

cherrypepsimax · 05/06/2016 08:31

Honestly Id expect 2 texts a day. If he's off in a 6 day piss up I think it's absolutely reasonable to expect a pregnant wife and dc not just be totally forgotten about. Ive just got back from a very busy / stressful 3 day work event and I kept in touch with Dh twice a day , because even though I was busy, I was thinking of him and hoping he was coping with everything at home . I agree with pp, it's basic manners and I find it odd that in a happy relationship one partner would relish the opportunity not to be in touch with their partner?

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