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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh, stag do, not even bothered to call.

144 replies

Kimononono · 02/06/2016 00:30

I may BU.

Dh has gone on a stag do abroad. A proper take the piss one for six days. It's not even a bloody weekend.

I'm not bothered as its one in the bank for me when I've had this baby (5 months pregnant). He went this morning, had a text saying ' love you' as he got to the airport and nothing since!

Not even 'oh the hotel is nice' or ' just going out I'll call in morning' or called to wish dd2 good night. Or even me!

Is he being an ignorant arse or am I being moody cow?

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 02/06/2016 08:15

I go away a lot more than DH both by myself and with groups of friends.
It would never occur to me to tell him I'd landed safe! I think I take the view of course I'm going to OK unless you hear otherwise.

When DH goes away ( which is rarely ) I wonder why he has phoned and think he could tell me what he's told me when he gets back.

Mind you, I don't like talking on phones!

TheNaze73 · 02/06/2016 08:15

YABU if you expect him to be checking in all the time & likewise if it was reversed, you wouldn't expect to be checking in would you????

Merd · 02/06/2016 08:19

You know, every so often I see posts from Somer about her lovely lovely boyfriend and I'm in no way stalking, honest, but it always brings a real smile to my face. Am still just Grin for you both!

Kim, yanbu. Quick texts here and there if that's part of your usual relationship is not above and beyond expectations when one of you goes on vacation for any reason - and if he wasn't planning to stay in touch he could have mentioned it beforehand. Not world-ending stuff but definite dickishness!

IrishDad79 · 02/06/2016 08:28

Maybe he should text once during the week but this need for constant "checking in" is a form of control.

I've never, ever heard of a six day stag, by the way.

GirlOutNumbered · 02/06/2016 08:28

My DH has been away for 5 days now and I have had a couple of texts. I insist that he tells me he has got there safety as he is driving, but other than that I am not bothered.
I think YABU, let him have his stag. 6 days! Lucky bugger.

paxillin · 02/06/2016 08:33

He's working very hard on the first hangover. Just be loud and cheerful when he's back in 4 days, he'll love it Grin.

LittleLionMansMummy · 02/06/2016 08:44

I'd expect mine to tell me he'd arrived safely and the occasional text while there. But we don't spend much time apart and like sharing experiences, so he'd probably also send through occasional 'saw/ did something really interesting today!' He's goes to France with his dad in July for 4 days and I'd think it was unusual if he didn't text at least once a day. I wouldn't be pissed off, I'd just think it was unusual and assume he had no reception or whatever. I wouldn't expect phone calls though. So no, YANBU but it depends on your relationship and expectations.

Kellz92 · 02/06/2016 08:45

I would want a couple of texts, not necessarily a phone call, however DH texts me a lot, so if he didnt it wouldnt be like him. x

littlepippip · 02/06/2016 08:50

I think you are BU. He is on a stag do having fun with his friends, you don't own him! leave him alone and ask him how it went when he gets back. Try to enjoy some time on your own - or why not invite some friends around?

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 02/06/2016 08:59

I think it's a little early to be narked, but in theory I'm with you. It's basic consideration to let your loved ones know you're okay, and actually it's even more basic to ask how you - his 5 months pregnant dw - and his dd are.

But he's got a while before you should start sticking those pins in that voodoo doll; he's probably just focusing on the task in hand (giving the stag a bloody good send off!) and got caught up with things. Which is absolutely fair of him. Give him a chance!

Scribblegirl · 02/06/2016 09:02

6 day stag is ridiculous but I think you're being a tiny bit U. I was on a hen do last weekend from Friday am - Sunday pm. I said goodbye to DP on Friday morning as I left and then text him again Saturday afternoon to say 'having a good time, hope you are too, miss you, will call when I know when I'm getting back to the station, love you'. The next time we were in touch was me to say my plane had landed.

I'm usually pretty stifling though Grin

Somerville · 02/06/2016 09:07

IrishDad Need for checking in is a form of control Shock OP has their child in her uterus. And is looking after their DD so he can attend the holiday stag. A text or two a day to ask if they're okay and to let her know that there's nothing to worry about at his end is just good manners Or it was in my (long and happy, because we put each other's feelings ahead of our own) marriage, anyway.

OP, hope he's in touch today and that your heartburn has improved a bit.

Merd What a sweet thing to say, thank you. Smile He's still lovely - and I have high standards as you can see. Grin

Kellz92 · 02/06/2016 09:09

I agree Somerville i would have said a tad unreasonable if it had just been them two, but theres a child and OP is pregnant, even if he just let her know he got there!
A stag do is a weekend at most thats a holiday lol. And to be fair if Dh was going there, id be away with my sister for a week in the sun lol
x

Kenduskeag · 02/06/2016 09:15

Yanbu. That's really rude and hurtful.

CalleighDoodle · 02/06/2016 09:16

A six day stag do is absolutely ridiculous. Thats a lads holiday.

However, expecting a text about the room is unreasonable. I'm pretty sure if it was my husband he would not even have noticed if there was a full wall muriel of naked provocatively positioned women in his room as he dropped his bag and ran to the bar...

Peasandsweetcorn · 02/06/2016 09:16

I wouldn't (didn't!) get marked at that stage. You can imagine what it's been like. He'll have been full of good intentions but is going to have to leave the pub to do so as otherwise you won't hear a word he says but each time he thinks about stepping outside, someone appears with a drink for him or someone starts telling a good anecdote or he's got to climb over six people so he decides he'll do it in a minute but then remembers you'll be in the middle of tea time or bathtime or bedtime etc and doesn't want to interrupt so it gets a bit later and then someone else appears with a pint again or its time to go for dinner and then he thinks you'll be in bed & he doesn't want to wake you.
When DH goes away with the "lads" (all 40 something with very serious jobs), I tend to hear from him at random times like 10.30am when he has woken up but the others haven't yet or 3pm when they've finished lunch and are about to go & sit by the pool for a bit.

seven201 · 02/06/2016 09:18

I wouldn't expect my husband to contact me. I think your pregnancy hormones have made you a bit crazy.

Kenduskeag · 02/06/2016 09:22

It's crazy to contact your family when you're absent?

Not talking to your partner for 6 days is rude. It would be rude if he was in the same house. Communication shouldn't cease because of a trip. My husband and I talk to one another because, you know, we kind of like each other. It wouldn't occur to us to completely ignore the other for 6 days just because of a trip. We would communicate via the occasional text because of that whole 'liking' thing.

I guess days of mutual silence is the sign of the 'modern' relationship or something.

Kenduskeag · 02/06/2016 09:24

Also, seven, 'pregnancy hormones mek u crazy' , are you for real? Do you also sneer at women whose opinions you dislike with are you on ur period lol?' Misogynist.

harshbuttrue1980 · 02/06/2016 09:27

He's probably worried that if he starts texting you, it will lead to long text "conversations" that will take away from the fun he has with his friends. I'm single at the moment, and go out for nights out with friends with partners. They text once, the partner texts back, and I end up being ignored as they text back and forth telling each other how much they miss each other. Boak. Give him his space. If he was away with you, you wouldn't expect him to be constantly texting his mates, so when he's with his mates, its time for you to take a backseat.

pearlylum · 02/06/2016 09:33

I guess you are fairly well off OP. A six day stag do abroad will cost a whack.

I don't find men that would do this type of activity very attractive I'm afraid.
Getting drunk, bawdy, gawping at women ( and worse) misbehaving in the street.
the whole idea of a stag do is based on the idea that you are about to serve purgatory for the rest of your life, constrained and shackled by a woman who won't allow you any fun.
So making the most of the last few weeks of "freedom" and behaving like a teenager, watching strippers, getting your rocks off.

EUGGGH.

eatsleephockeyrepeat · 02/06/2016 09:37

I wouldn't expect my husband to contact me. I think your pregnancy hormones have made you a bit crazy.

Nooooo, you didn't really say that did you?? Someone has different expectations of their relationship than you and... hold up! It must be their hormones.

Also, pregnant woman hormones are absolutely a thing to be shared by both partners in a couple; they're not a thing to be suppressed by the irrational child-bearer for the comfort and ease of the other. The other is actually allowed - nay, encouraged! - to be supportive. So even if OP is being a tad bit more drama than pre-pregnancy it's okay for this to be an issue for her dh as well because, you know, they're both responsible for this!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 02/06/2016 09:48

The nice thing would be a simple text or call, partly to check you and DCs were okay. You had one text so he's possibly thinking of one message a day.

If he's one of the steadier ones going he'll be watching out for the groom. Six days is a lot. But not every stag do is "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" or staggering round stripclubs irritating the locals.

EarthboundMisfit · 02/06/2016 09:51

I'd not be bothered, tbh. I thought you were going to say you hadn't heard from him for four days or something.

brodchengretchen · 02/06/2016 09:55

It's fashionable for wives/girlfriends' be 'kule' with stag holidays, after all your guy is the one whose going to behave himself and keep the rest of the group in line, right?

Wrong. I see stag (and hen to a lesser extent) groups often on my travels and know exactly why your H has not called you. I think you do to, and you'd get a better view if you just moved that elephant aside.

There is nothing wrong with your hormones, you are growing a baby. You are stressed and H playing the arse is not helping.