Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

Good. Next time don't rely on a chat forum though use your common sense

Glad to hear you won't be allowing him to do this again
I echo everything RosieSW has said . I think we have similar jobs

I'm sad but not surprised to read some of these comments OP and do get where you're coming from. I don't think that you are being unreasonable and think that the school should mind it's own business, TBH.

We're British, living in Germany. In our fairly built up area it is the norm for children to walk to school alone from age 6 onwards, play at playgrounds unaccompanied and run errands for their parents. It is certainly no less dangerous here than in the UK.

As a compromise with the school, could you explain that you plan to take your son over the busiest roads and let him walk the rest of the way alone? It's a shame that they are working against you rather than with you on this.

Sorry, cross posted and just seen that you've made a decision to take him!

I think the local council has guidelines. Ours are not allowed to walk to school alone until they are 8. Also all children under the age of 8 cannot be unsupervised in the library. It can seem like an arbitrary number as suddenly becoming 8 years old does not necessarily mean one is a responsible/streetwise 8 year old - I know some 12 year olds who I wouldn't trust tbh!!! I guess there has to be a cut off somewhere. Just tell him you have to walk with him. Other parents at the crossing the road will be keeping an eye on their kiddies not yours so even if you think he's safe, I wouldn't bet on it. Tell him that you have to walk with him. My 5 year old asks all the time if she can go to school on her own. it's only round the corner with one road to cross but no way would I let her. (Mainly because of the twattish parents that drive up the kerb to the pedestrian entrance -but thats another story)

I think you've made the right decision. If I thought I'd started unwittingly helping someone child cross the road I'd report it to the school. Maybe that's what happened.

I've arranged to meet up with other mums and we're going to sit and work out a plan for nominated parents to supervise on nominated days.

Sadly it's not my DS I don't trust, I watch him because I don't trust others around but I things are different in the UK to my upbringing i'll try to accommodate those rules/guidelines.

I just wanted to say, having read bits of the thread, my 5 year old girl walks to school - just a short distance on her own. I drop her off from the car onto the pavement, she walks about 300 - 500 yards max and then crosses at the crossing (lollypop) outside the school gate and goes in. I sometimes leave before she's crossed, usually i stay and observe till she has crossed. There's no where else to go for her. Tiny village and no other traffic other than school. This is at the limit of what I'm comfortable with for this child. My others are treated as befits them. I'd be shocked if the school ever said anything to me, but equally shocked if they released her at the end of the day without seeing an adult there to pick her up (an adult must pick all ks1 kids up at the end of the day).

I grew up in Switzerland. And my little sister started walking alone to school when she was around... 7 and a half, I think? We used to live in a village, but there was 1 road with a wicked turn (one had to walk next to the road a few meters to see whether a car was coming) so we walked her past that until she was nearly 8 and from there on she continued walking to school alone..
She was allowed to walk to kindergarten with 6, but she didn't have to cross any roads for that it was just a... 5 minute walk (for a little girl that really didn't walk very fast at all).

So, I do think that 3 roads are a bit much. But seriously, calling this neglect is a bit... over protective imo.

My way to school was 1 hour and I did this alone when from 8 onwards....

btw, I just realised that Swiss kindergarten is probably not the same than in the UK... I have to ask my DH (or google it). But it's luckily not an issue yet for us, so I have still time to reasearch all of this in depth... But I'm sure my MIL has already made a plan. Even though I'm actually still pregnant

I drop her off from the car onto the pavement, she walks about 300 - 500 yards max and then crosses at the crossing (lollypop) outside the school gate and goes in. I sometimes leave before she's crossed, usually i stay and observe till she has crossed. There's no where else to go for her.

The lollipop lady/man is not legally responsible for your child's safety though.

What if she realised she forgot something and decided to walk home to get it? Or if she spotted a cute cat and wandered off to stroke it?

You might as well wait until she's through the gates, as then she'll have supervision.

Worra - she wouldn't. I know my child. She is like a blinkered horse and the most rule following child i've ever known. I should also say that she is almost 6 and till about a month ago I didn't consider it.

Even in my very quite village with one, relatively safe, road to cross I think yabu. Especially as you are abdicating responsibility for crossing the road to other adults and children.

My 8 year old has recently done her road safety badge with brownies. I'm sure she would be safe to cross the road to school. But I still wouldn't let her go alone for another year, maybe 2. By year 6, not age I'd be actively encouraging her.

My 6 and 4 year olds have little comprehension even with constant guidance and I had to ban scooters after two of them fell off into the road. Thankfully there were no cars coming.

That said, for me the bigger issue is that you are lying to your son by allowing him to think he's alone. If you are happy for him to be ahead of you, just tell him you are there and will always be close by in case he needs help, and that he needs to wait for you to cross the road. If that means you are happy for him to go ahead and wait at the road until you catch up, fine. Never let him cross by being waved across by a driver. At 6 he certainly wouldn't have the awareness that the driver telling him it's safe might not have seen all the hazards. All it would take is a cyclist or motorbike overtaking the apparently stationary car and splat!

You can teach him road safety and show you trust in him, that you think he has the skills to get there safely. But also allow for that fact that you can't be responsible for the behaviours of others.

In Germany, children are expected to walk to school alone and that's what happens. There are plenty of other kids around.

Fair enough Byrdie, it's just that I'm a lollipop lady and I've seen it happen more than once.

I've had to tell kids to go in through the gate, because for various reasons they haven't when their parents have driven off.

The only thing that worries me, is that if I'm busy watching the crossing, I'm not always going to notice who has/hasn't gone in, but sometimes the parents assume I'm legally responsible for their kid's safety IYSWIM.

He's 6?? I thought you said Year 6!

YABU, OP.

He's far too young to be going to school like that by himself. Even if you are close behind him. Just no.

You do realise that you're missing out on those lovely chats on the way to school? Holding that soft little hand and listening to six year old chatter? I've been told the time flies by so I'm not prepared to miss out on these simple pleasures. Your loss.

The whole thing sounds bonkers by the way.

Sorry op, 6 is way too young. I have a 6 and 7 year old. I can not imagine saying yes to any requests to go it alone. They are at the infants school and I don't know any parents at the school that let their children walk alone (or what they perceive as alone). And two of them very literally live opposite the school.

Rosie Norway, Sweden and Denmark ARE Scandinavia.
And the Daily Fail can sod off...

HappyGoLucky
He's refused to hold my hand since preschool, he has sensory issues and isn't a fan of physical contact. He rarely cuddles/kisses and never hand holds to my disappointment

I guess with his "maturity" and need to be alone a lot, plus my childhood, I gave too much leeway.

I just don't think you can judge it so black and white. Every situation is different. I let my 5 year old do a lot of things I didn't let the now 8 year old one do. She was never allowed to walk to school even when a uear older - even though we lived on the road next to the school with no road to cross in a really tiny tiny hamlet. I would jave then said that even nearly 7 is too young. Each parent knows their child best though - I'd assume. In our case, for my 5 year old walking from the car to the gate, I've assessed the risk and felt that there was a very low risk of anything happening. No dangerous driving round the school, no driveways with car zooming out of driveways. And the lollypop is manned every day by trained teachers from the school. However, I wouldn't allow her to scooter to school without me! There the risk of her falling without me around is too high.

I'm the one with the Swiss family who walk to school from 6, in a big city. Have to say I keep my own 6 year old tethered by the hand as she has a habit of plunging off the pavement, and there are lots of tourists who drive the wrong way and don't stop at crossings etc...

Yes in Swiss schools a policeman goes into the school and trains them. They walk to the kerb, stop, put their hand in the air like a very tall shark, check the road, and then cross, with their hand in the air. And the Swiss are very well behaved and always stop. My non-Swiss SIL is still terrified.