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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

384 replies

alwaysinamuddle · 01/06/2016 15:23

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

OP posts:
Original poster
alwaysinamuddle · 01/06/2016 17:55

nanette in Sweden it was much the same as you've described Norway.

OP posts:
PrincessHairyMclary · 01/06/2016 17:56

She also isn't allowed to scoot ahead on a road with driveways as cars reversing wouldn't be able to see her.

SpaceUnicorn · 01/06/2016 17:57

Although it may be hard to believe, I trust him not to get in anyone's car, and I'm no more than 15 steps away at any time

If you trust him not to be duped by a stranger or misjudge a road-crossing, why are you following him?

It's not a question of not 'trusting' the child, really. It's more a question of adults being fully trustworthy. Unless, of course, you're suggesting that only 'untrustworthy' children are unable to outwit an adult.

I don't expect you recognise any validity in anyone else's view - and I called that one right at the start of the thread Wink - so good luck with your future school runs, however you decide to conduct them.

Blimmincheek · 01/06/2016 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sprink · 01/06/2016 17:57

RosieSW, thanks, yes. I wrote unclearly but was specifically wondering if the school is legally the "parent" on school grounds, even if the parent is there.

(I'm fully aware of how confusing/confused I sound, by the way.)

Porcupinetree · 01/06/2016 17:58

Maybe somebody reported 'a strange woman walking into school each morning who doesn't a appear to be actually be accompanying a child"...

YABU

MuddlingMackem · 01/06/2016 17:59

Well, I'm going to say YANBU and that I think you've found a pretty good compromise.

My DC1 was perfectly capable of walking home alone by the end of year one but had to wait until year 3 because of the school rules. Youngest wasn't capable until the beginning of year 3 anyway.

I think we started letting eldest walk to school with youngest unsupervised when he was in year 5, but he didn't go alone until year 6. DC2 has been asking when she can walk to school alone and I've explained that I like to know that she's arrived safely. Currently she's in Y4 so we walk together. However, if she takes her bike or scooter she gets there way before me so is effectively going by herself and I just follow and catch up with her in the yard to reassure myself that she got there okay. Sounds to me OP that what you're doing with your son and I really can't see what's wrong with it. My DC1 would have been perfectly capable of doing that at that age, although DC2 wouldn't.

And as for crossing roads, I hadn't thought about it before, but I just watch out for kids crossing when I am and if any of them are about to cross when they shouldn't I'd shout or pull them back, regardless of whether or not they were accompanied by a parent.

PrincessHairyMclary · 01/06/2016 17:59

The thing is in countries where this its common for young children to walk alone the adults in the community would (I suspect) be more aware of the children opposed to expecting a parent to be supervising them. So would keep an eye out for them on the crossings etc.

PogoBob · 01/06/2016 18:00

I would allow 5yo (6 in August) DD to scoot to school in this way as I know she is sensible enough to follow instructions plus I would be able to shout to her if necessary and she would stop straight away.

Would love to know what exact dangers people are so worried about happening in the space of 15 seconds. The comment about kids taking their independance too far and getting into someone elses car - this could apply as much at 11 as 6 - are you going to keep them right next to you their whole childhood?

RosieSW · 01/06/2016 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2016 18:01

If your kid cant spot his mum following 15 steps behind him every day, he's really not observant enough to be allowed to scoot along a pavement.

He's not exactly taking in his surroundings, is he?

AppleAndBlackberry · 01/06/2016 18:02

My 6 yo still has to cross the road with me. I'd be concerned about this setup, e.g. if he was running late and couldn't find someone to cross with what would he do? I think walking a way behind him is fine, but he should know you're there. The other thing about thinking he can walk to school himself is that he might think he can do other things himself that he's not ready for yet (walk to shop/park on his own without telling a parent etc).

Beeziekn33ze · 01/06/2016 18:04

Rosie - just what I was about to post! A nice compromise between 'alone' and 'individually supervised'.
Woman actually - the drop off and pick up parking at my local schools (city suburb) is dreadful. Half on pavement, on double yellow, blocking a bus stop on a busy roadc. Police don't seem to see it as an offence and some parents see it as their right to be as near the school door as possible.
So selfish, anyone know a school that has dealt with thus successfully? 😠

Original poster
alwaysinamuddle · 01/06/2016 18:04

sprink

No, they don't see me visually...
And they've never queried our home time routine.

OP posts:
LogicalThinking · 01/06/2016 18:05

You are being ridiculous, of course it's not acceptable to let your 6-year-old walk to school by himself.
As several people have pointed out, his brain development means that it is not possible for him to judge the speed of cars so it is not safe for him to cross the road.

You are also kidding yourself lying about what you are doing!
when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
I'm no more than 15 steps away at any time.
So you are apparently closer to him now than you were before, yet someone has reported you to the school and you have been told to not let him walk by himself anymore. How would anyone have been able to tell that you were allowing him to walk by himself if you are closer than ever?

dustarr73 · 01/06/2016 18:05

Plus you're not in Norway or Scandinavia so it doesn't matter.I'm not in the UK either.I'm in Ireland and DS is in SI and we have to be outside the classroom for him.They won't let them out on their own.

MariaSklodowska · 01/06/2016 18:05

" are you going to keep them right next to you their whole childhood? "

obviously not, but walking a child to school when they are six, is normal.

PinguForPresident · 01/06/2016 18:06

YABU.

Not fair to let other parents be responsible for crossing your child over the road. and wildly unsafe to let a 6y/o walk along main roads anyway.

Revisit it in Y4 or 5.

It matters not one jot what the set up is in Sacandinavian countries or was back when we were at school. Things are different here, the set up is different here and the school' reaction is entirely appropriate.

Original poster
alwaysinamuddle · 01/06/2016 18:09

I'd just like to say, I am appreciative of everyone's input and WILL be changing the way we go to school after half term, I'm only explaining the points people have questioned, not refusing to see another point of view.

OP posts:
paxillin · 01/06/2016 18:09

There was a poster on here a while ago, don't quite remember. She sent her kids off by themselves for years. What she didn't know was another mum started supervising them, they always walked with her and the kids. I believe other parents started being quite resentful because of this un-agreed arrangement. She had no idea until years later.

Could happen to you, you probably want to drop the secret agent style shadowing soon?

Beeziekn33ze · 01/06/2016 18:10

Rosie - I was being positive about the Walking Bus, not your comment about home education!!

nanetterose · 01/06/2016 18:10

princess that is exactly how it works in Norway.

nanetterose · 01/06/2016 18:12

I can read that you are reasonable & taking other opinions on board. alwaysSmile

BennyTheBall · 01/06/2016 18:15

Six? He's far too young.

Instead of this daft rigmarole, you should have just told him he is too young and that would be the end of it.

Blimmincheek · 01/06/2016 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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