Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

Whoever is manning the crossing is not legally responsible for your child's safety though.

Obviously the decision is yours, but some people in their decision making process, don't seem to realise that.

Just had a little sit down with DS, have explained that I have to watch him walking to school because they think he's too young to walk on his own.

He's very concerned that he'll lose his friends (he's a school year ahead of his age). Obviously I still need to sit with the other mums and work out a reasonable plan for us all, but I there anyway I can reassure him that he won't be alienated for this?

Yep, I am in Germany, my daughter is 5 (nearly 6) and walks to kindy alone, we live very close, but her friends the same age walk from further, approx 10 mins. My son has been getting the bus to and from school alone from 6. It is totally normal and encouraged by the school and the kindergarten. They are given some training in kindergarten from 5 years old. initially I found it a bit strange, coming from the UK but now i can totally see the benefits to the child.

Obviously I still need to sit with the other mums and work out a reasonable plan for us all, but I there anyway I can reassure him that he won't be alienated for this?

I don't know of any 7 year old that walk on on their own either.

He either has to go with you or actually with other mums not them just helping accross the road.

Not sure why you need to sit with the other mums and make a reasonable plan.

The bottom line is he can't go on his own. If he does you may be reported for neglect.

I agree with all PP that 6 is very young to allow independence. Definitely. I would be worried and wouldn't as a parent allow it. However, I must say I don't know whether schools have the jurisdiction to dictate how this child GETS to school? If they were releasing him from their care to walk home alone, yes. But surely this is a parental thing. I guess they are worried and they can offer advice but I don't see how they can insist he "is not to walk to school alone"..

I feel for you OP. I think you've gotten a lot of abuse and judgment that you didn't deserve. You didn't let your DS break open your liquor cabinet and down all the bottles while he watched a porn fest on TV and you were off on holiday in Marbella, but that is how some of the commenters have treated you.

It does seem though that if he isn't allowed to go on his own at 6, his 7 year-old cohort probably wouldn't be either? Is the issue that he wants to go in with his friends or that he wants to go in without seeming to need you? You're looking for advice - it might help to know how his friends do actually go to school.

I would be telling my DC that friends 'lost' because they don't walk to school on their own aged 6 aren't friends worth keeping.

Year 1 and below have to be supervised, year 2s are allowed to travel in groups.
However due to DS age the school are concerned.

Sorry, that was a little harsh. In truth I don't think that my 6 year old pays a blind bit of attention as to how her friends get to school. We walk. We occasionally drive. She's never commented on it. I would be trying to think why this matters so much to him and why his friendships depend on it. Are there wider friendship problems in school? Is he shy?

Plus, no 7 year old walk to school on their own in area anyway.

Schools vary wildly. My youngest is an Aug baby and our school allowed them to walk/cycle alone from KS2 so year 2. She was just turned 6. However, she had walked that route daily with me and her older siblings for 3 years already and once we crossed them over the busy road outside our house, there were only 2 minor side roads to cross. She has recently changed school ss we have moved house and in the new school. all the kids have to be collected by a parent, even yr 6, and those getting school bus are walked to it and seen onto it by teachers. Seems very OTT to me, particularly as there is a pedestrian crossing and lollipop man!

Sorry....KS2 is yr 3 so she was 7, but from age 4-7 she had been scooting behind/with cycling siblings and I would generally arrive about 5 mins behind them!

Rosie
I have accepted that things are different here to what I am used to, and if all parents agree to a walking bus, that would be the reasonable plan.

I'm not deliberately being stubborn, I'm asking for suggestions to make this whole situation work better, from people who actually have experience of childhood and life within this country.

So your DS is a "young" Y2? When you say the Y2s go "in groups", does that mean they are allowed to travel together without an adult?

There isn't much left of this school year - would you be willing to "light touch" escort a group of his Y2 friends that included him for the remainder of the year? Would he be ok to go "by himself" (ie. with a group of friends) come September?

music
He's generally very outgoing but he's been aware of the age difference between him and his class mates since he was placed in his current class and I think he's desperate to appear "cool".

Yes, he was moved to year 2 after October half term (that's a whole different thread), and the other year 2s are allowed to travel to school in a group without adults.

Sorry, posted too soon, I would be more than happy to walk with the whole group of them, and the school will allow him to travel in the current way from next January.

OP, is that your solution then? Can you get some of the other parents on side that their kids need to walk with some adult (just happens to be you) till January?

mommybunny
That's actually what I'm hoping will be agreed in some way or another.
everything crossed

Obviously there is a whole back story here. I'm a teacher and thought that the current 'thinking' is never to move children from their appropriate aged year group, especially with the new curriculum and 'mastery' etc. And here it appears that is has affected your DS with wanting to 'fit in' with his peers.
If it was his current school that moved him up a year group then they have a duty of care to facilitate him being treated the same as the year group he is actually in, in my opinion, and treat him accordingly. If they think he should be in year 2 then the year 2 rules should apply to him no matter what his actual age is.

Well where I live plenty of children age 5 upwards walk to the local school on their own. I don't agree with it tbh as there are busy roads to cross from some directions, and they are very obviously alone, but its the norm round here. I think it depends where you live op tbh, and only you can figure that. But I would let my 6 year old walk and cross the road with sensible older kids where I live, whilst I stalked him from a distance.

I agree music, it does seem like the school isn't properly handling the transition from Y1 to Y2. It isn't fair that OP's DS is expected to perform academically to the level of a 7 year-old but not given the "privileges" of one. And from what OP is saying, it sounds like from the way he acts when he goes to school he hasn't shown he doesn't deserve them.

YANBU but the school have their rules to follow. I see you've changed your mind now, hope you can find a reasonable solution that the school, and yourself, and your son, will be happy with.

For what its worth, most children walk or bike to school alone here from the start of school (age 6 or 7) and I'll be letting my DD do the same. She's 5 now and knows how to cross roads safely. The local school is just down the road from us and she's allowed to walk there by herself now anyway if she wants to play in the school playground.

Yes in Swiss schools a policeman goes into the school and trains them. They walk to the kerb, stop, put their hand in the air like a very tall shark, check the road, and then cross, with their hand in the air. And the Swiss are very well behaved and always stop. My non-Swiss SIL is still terrified

I remember that. We started doing road safety exercises in the first year of kindergarten (so we were around 4) with a policeman. Every kid had to cross the road at least 2 times with the policeman, the kindergarten teacher and the whole class looking very carefully that one 1. Waits 2. Listens 3. Looks around before walking. And puts the hand up to signal every driver that you want to cross the road.

There's even a whole story about a dog who likes sausages and helps the children cross the street and explains how everything works in Swiss kindergartens. (I didn't get to have this story. But my muuch younger sister did. I still remember the freaking dog song!!)

Children also wear orange safety wests or uhm.... orange safety plane things (?) so drivers see them. And there are roads signs at the beginning of the school year to remind drivers that young children will be crossing the road.

When we were 10 we had road safey training for bycicles.

So, in the UK there apparently aren't the same safety meassures... So I guess the Schools reaction is understandable.

OP posters like Rosie are the reason the school took the aggressive approach they did rather than a reasonable discussion which would have shown you are not out to neglect your child just working from a different cultural experience. Unfortunately the thing they want to accuse you of - stubbornness - is exactly how they operate, arrogant that they are right and therefore they feel superior enough to belittle others rather than share their views with less unpleasantness. Don't rise to it the discussion has hopefully given you useful thought.