Son *thinks* he walks to school alone

[alwaysinamuddle]

My 6 year old son has been asking for 4 months if he can walk to school on his own. He's friends with a lot of older children who all do and he wants to join in.

During the week before half term I "agreed" for him to use his scooter and scoot "alone" as usually when I'm with him he's miles ahead of me anyway.
We live about 10 minutes from his school and he has to cross two main roads which are traffic-lighted, and one by his school which isn't. I told him he's not to cross that road unless other parents and children are crossing too. He carries a watch with him so he can check the time and decide which entrance to the school he would like to use. We've had many conversations about Road safety, stranger danger and the like.

Anyway, all of that is explanation to my question. When he thinks he's alone, I am actually following from a distance and he is always in my line of sight. He hasn't noticed me yet, and I'm able to let him build his independence while satisfying my protective instincts IYSWIM.

Yet, I had a phone call from the school telling me that DS is not to walk to school alone, and even when I explained, and even with other parents being able to confirm I had been watching they have told me it's a cause of concern for them and they would have to treat it as neglect and report it if I were to continue.

AIBU to think that there's nothing wrong which mine and DS setup and the school are being very OTT?

There is a reason most schools stick with the yr5\6 & that is to do with brain development
I'm sure I read something about depth perception not being reliable until 8/9
My dc walk alone (but together) and started when youngest was 8.
I staggered it, so for first few months I met them at the end of the school road, then at the next road, then at home so eventually they were doing it all.
I've drummed into them that it's not them I don't trust but bad drivers

Reception and infants can take their scooters and bikes to school as they have a storage shed in their playground, a lot of parents walk to the corner and let them go off ahead to school and stand and wave, my heart is always in my mouth as a lot of parents also mount the pavement and do a sort of driving and drop at the gates, I've been bumped in the back of leg twice by cars mounting the pavement because the parents is reaching behind to the dc not looking. (I got a mouthful about me not looking where I'm going too). Lots of people have to kind of step in the road to avoid the scooters too. Children have also been bumped by other children opening car doors onto the pavement without looking too.

Dd, in theory, would have been able to walk to school at 6, but we are round the corner it's a two minute walk at most with no busy roads to cross (busiest road is one the school is on and that's only busy at school times), I wouldn't let her though because of the parents mounting the path in cars. She walks home some days niw that she's in y6 but hasn't been bothered about walking to school because of the cars (it's not to bad at collection, I'm guessing everyone's not in be rush maybe) and she's worried that if one should hit her, then she will get shouted at like I did by the driver who bumped me.

The path leading to school is really really narrow and school often send letters about not pulling up outside school gates or riding scooters and bikes on that path, sometimes a policeman will stand outside the gates and it seems to stop people pulling up there but then it all starts again when he's gone.

There's plenty of parking near the school but there's a weird scramble for everyone to be right at the school gates, which means residents have driveways blocked etc and the school encouraging the infant children to scoot or cycle in on a morning didn't help the already congested pathway.

Thanks, hulababy.

Regarding the end of the day, do KS2 students need a carer to be released to, or are they allowed out on their own?

Also, is the in loco parentis thing actually the law (regardless of time) or is that merely our school's policy?

I do realise schools differ, and of course so much of this is down to area andagaindependent on the parent and the child. But it does come across as overkill when the school days they are going to report the OP even though she is escorting the child to school.

Actually, OP, what do you do at pick up time? Lurk in the school hedge until your son sets off...?

How will you handle it if he gets in a stranger's car

According to the OP when asked this earlier,
"Should any of these things happen I would be able to handle each situation."

Go, go, gadget-arms!

We live in a large village, not a whole lot of traffic if I'm honest, and I'm good "friends" with a lot of mums.

Many of us, me included in the past, have always said that we are happy to let other children cross with us.

As I said before I think 6 is too young.But the thing is you either trust him or you don't.And by your actions you don't.So don't let him walk by himself, its fo

Stupid phone. It's for his own safety. I know a lot things seem far fetched and I'm not against age appropriate indepence. But really time to be the parent and step up.

spaceunicorn

Although it may be hard to believe, I trust him not to get in anyone's car, and I'm no more than 15 steps away at any time.

At school pick up they let him leave, and I meet him by the road. (school pick up in our area seems busier than drop off and I like having the chat about his day and taking him to the park or swimming after)

"Yes in this country, 6 year olds do not go to school on their own."

He's not going to school "on his own"!!! His mother is with him, out of his own eyesight but she's not sending him completely by himself.

"Not because British people are 'bonkers' but from a true awareness of the dangers."

Does anyone "really" know what these "true dangers" are??? A couple of anecdotes sprinkled in this discussion mention some bad things that have happened to children. They're bad luck, nothing more. The UK is no more or less dangerous than any of these other countries that not only allow, but expect, children to learn to get themselves to school at the age of 6.

Heavy sigh. Of course, OP, you have to do what the school tells you. Well done you for trying to teach him some self-reliance - there are other ways however to do it and this isn't worth alienating yourself from the school with your strange, "neglectful" foreign ways.

Although it may be hard to believe, I trust him not to get in anyone's car, and I'm no more than 15 steps away at any time.

That is more than enough time for something to happen before you get there.

The school have flagged it. You need to react.

RosieSW
The school doesn't seem to use the nominated collector rule here. Many times I've picked up other children, or DS has gone for a play date and the teachers just let them go with a "known face", unless explicitly told not to.

Yes YABU. I would not let my 6 year old walk 10mins on his own, even without the roads!

I think that you are used to Parents looking out for children (like it was back home for you op) l know that happens in Norway - for sure. It isn't like that here. Parents that have appeared to look like that they might help would have been thinking

I'm surprised he hasn't noticed you if you are only 15 steps behind, especially when he stops to cross the road and presumably looks each way, do you just stop where you are on the pavement? I am imagining you hiding behind letterboxes etc now!

He's not going to school "on his own"!!! His mother is with him, out of his own eyesight but she's not sending him completely by himself.

OP is relying on others to get him accross the road etc. She isn't 'with him'.

i know of a school that specifically had it n their rules u had to take your child personally to school up to year 5

one parent was pulled up about sending her 6 year old in withhis 8 year old brother-said if it happened again they would get ss involved

It makes sense that you are Scandinavian. I live in Denmark and don't understand the uproar on here. I don't think YABU.

Children cannot accurately judge the speed of oncoming cars until they are ten. What is so desirable about children being so independent early anyway, people always talk as if it is a good thing, why?

Mine are twelve and eighteen, and have been independent and reliable for years, but not at six, no way. It was fun walking to school anyway, a real one to one time.

" I trust him not to get in anyone's car, "

For goodness sake, he is SIX YEARS OLD, easily picked up....

Honestly, I have been through it, and there will now be a member of staff at your school (probably the SENCO) who is busy making a file about your other parental failings, ready to pass on to Social Services when it is thick enough. maybe one day your son will come in an unironed shirt, maybe he will be seen drinking a fizzy drink. All of these things will be noted in a case against you as a parent, and this will have been started by your attitude about this situation.

I am not joking.

You need to change your way of thinking about this, quickly.

At school pick up they let him leave, and I meet him by the road.

Well that's interesting. So you're not being neglectful after school, just before? Or do they actually clock you visually?

YABU I'm afraid- it's not him (or you!) that is the problem, in the UK it is selfish drivers not taking enough care around pedestrians, even in areas where they should expect and anticipate children to be in the road.
There is a zebra crossing outside my children's school, and drivers are so huffy about stopping, that most of the time they don't stop (even though it's the law to stop if someone is waiting to cross). When drivers do stop, sometimes the people behind them decide they're not stopping, and drive around the stopped driver, sometimes even driving over the pavement to undertake them!
DH has been hit by cars doing that more then once! How these idiots would see a child when they can't see a 6' man I don't know.

Children's eyes aren't developed enough to accurately work out the speed of oncoming cars until much later than 6 years old. No way would I let my DD walk on her own.