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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think sort out your own childcare!

211 replies

FrankWelker · 01/06/2016 06:37

Half- term and I am using annual leave to look after DC. So far this week I have had 5 phone calls from 2 different parents who ( unfortunately) know I'm off to see if I can have their kids from 7.30-6.40 pm. I'm perfectly happy to help out in an emergency but both parents have said they forgot it was half term. The same ones who forgot the Easter holidays were for 3 weeks. As I said I will always try and help if someone is in a tight spot but am I being unreasonable with this? I don't particularly want to wake up for 7.30 am on my time off and when I do would rather do play dates with kids who my children want to see- and these kids aren't even my kids ages that
they can play easily. We get the school term dates well in advance! Does anyone else get this (and get hacked off like me!)

OP posts:
mrsc118 · 01/06/2016 13:50

They're taking the piss. They think soft touch. I'd say no.

LogOUT · 01/06/2016 13:57

I think most of us have "friend" who tries does this, don't we?

In my case - the latest in a very long line of piss takes over the years - is "we must arrange a playdate" but then cornering my DS in the playground to bully get him to agree and also having the brass neck to demand my DH speaks to me to organise it. I see straight through this - my DS has no desire to playdate with the boy who corners him in the toilets because he hasn't yet washed his hands - pinned up against the wall! Trips him over in the playground and is generally a little shit. I don't hear from the mother from one week to another but lo and behold when school holidays happen there she is - asking - again ....... sigh.

MrsKoala · 01/06/2016 13:59

Helena, i totally agree, BIL has the same attitude to my Sister and so does her mum, all the appointments/deliveries made and expectations for her to do things in the daytime 'because she's home all day'. And her friends say 'oh you are so lucky to be home all day' as if she's a lady of leisure. Because fuck sleep and all that why not just go to Debenhams for a browse.

I told her to wake BIL up at 3am and tell him to pop to the shop, or cook lunch or something, because that's the equivalent to her doing it in the day.

Like when i worked part time and everyone says oh you lucky thing going home early in a skiving sarcastic way, er yes, because part time means less hours but it also means less wages and more sacrifices. You are at liberty to work part time/night shifts if you like.

Anyway, sorry OP off on a tangent there.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 01/06/2016 14:01

I'm was always incredulous at these threads until a dad I barely knew from nursery pulled a similar stunt.

I said no and I never heard from him again. Win win.

starfishmummy · 01/06/2016 14:01

I am in week four of the lurgy so actually might be tempted to say yes...on arrival kid(s) would be handed duster and vacuum and then there's the laundry, beds to change, toilet to clean.

NeonPegasus · 01/06/2016 14:10

My sister does this every holiday. I'm a SAHM (with four kids, so not like I'm having a relaxing week myself or have spades of time on my hands).

My mum text yesterday to say 'I've got child today and tomorrow, you've got her Thursday and Friday, right?'. I had no idea I had her Thursday and Friday, haven't been asked, but my sister and partner have obviously decided she's coming here.

It's not even that they forget, they just won't take time off because they know me and mum are at home.

EweAreHere · 01/06/2016 14:13

That's not an emergency. That's expecting other people to give up their time and money to look after your children so you don't have to give up yours.

Shocking. I'd have told her where to go.

Or said only for one day and they're only getting into the house if they have £100 in cash for the emergency child care request (that really wasn't an emergency) ready to be handed over to me.

EweAreHere · 01/06/2016 14:14

Neon stand up for yourself and just plan to be out early that day with yours. Outrageous that people think they can do this and force other people to stump up their time and money and resources. Especially those that never give back!

expatinscotland · 01/06/2016 14:16

Why do you put up with it, Neon?

Janecc · 01/06/2016 14:18

Neon that's outrageous. Be busy. Be going somewhere. Tell your parents you've put your dcs in holiday club. Or just plain say NO!

NeonPegasus · 01/06/2016 14:26

I'm very bad at saying 'no' to people, it's entirely my own fault!

I don't mind having my niece. She's a lovely child and I have no problems with her at all - I do mind the assumption that I'll always be here to do it, though. I have her a lot during term time as well - my youngest is in the same nursery so when they text to say 'going to miss nursery pick-up can you get her?' they know full well I can't say no and just leave the kid sat there while I'm picking up her cousin, she'd be distraught. So I'll bring her home and give her dinner and usually give her a bath so all mum actually does is pick her up and take her home to go to bed.

I do know they're taking the piss. But I know they both need to work full time to keep things going, and I suppose I feel a small amount of... guilt? Wrong word I think but can't think of a better one - that I'm in a position where my partner earns enough for me to able to be at home.

Bleedintired · 01/06/2016 15:04

I'm a teacher and I love having other people's kids - so much easier than having to entertain my own!

Messymumof4 · 01/06/2016 15:04

Yanbu! I've had this so many times over the years it's shocking! A neighbour used to ask me to drop off her kids to school1/2 times a week, this escalated to having them from 8am and sometimes after school! I finally lost the plot and stopped doing it when I realised her husband was home by 4pm but she was leaving her kids with me til she got home after 6pm! without me even realising I had ended up being her unpaid childminder! I worked evenings and weekends which I hated to fit in with my kids and school so no way was she using me for a mug anymore! Some people are just selfish users!

TwatbadgingCuntfuckery · 01/06/2016 15:19

My sister does this and it pisses me off. Not her dumping her kids on me but dumping her kids on other people when My DC are meant to be there to see grandparents etc so mine can't go - even if arranged well in advance - or mine get pushed out and ignored. She uses the 'but twats kids are there so it wont be that much more effort' when she knows my DC has SEND particularly sensory issues that really kick off in busy and crowded environments. Its why I plan my visits to relatives when they are going to be quiet.

I used to have a mum who insisted I walk her kids to school for her. I started taking my DC to breakfast club. The look on her face when I was walking home and she was expecting me to take her kids in. Priceless.

CommaStop · 01/06/2016 15:19

Problem is she probably does have skin like rhino hide - you'd want to to call someone up at 6.15 in the morning to be your free childcare. That amounts to zero understanding of how to be a normal human being in the world. Just wow.

Philoslothy · 01/06/2016 15:22

If we are at home I will often have other people's children over the holidays. I appreciate that I am lucky to be able to be at home and that not everyone has that. I also like a full house. We do tend to go away during most holidays so it wouldn't be every day though and I would not be impressed at a 6:15 phone call.

MrsDeVere · 01/06/2016 15:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok · 01/06/2016 15:29

I cannot believe someone would do that!

At least if they offered to split it with you so you didn't both use up your annual leave.

Shocking.

iMogster · 01/06/2016 15:35

I'm freelance and work term time only, so I can look after DCs in the holidays. People say how lucky I am that I don't have to pay for and organize childcare. I would be financially better off to work full time and pay for holiday clubs!

CruCru · 01/06/2016 15:37

Gosh, that sounds awful. What would she have done if you hadn't answered? Just turned up with the kid at 7:30? Ugh.

thatsn0tmyname · 01/06/2016 15:45

I'm a teacher with a DS starting school in September. My friend has a DS starting too and I've been getting a few "I really don't know how we'll manage the holidays" comments/wistful looks. Hmmmm.

OracleofDelphi · 01/06/2016 16:02

God nothing quite gives me the rage like other people trying to pass their kids onto virtual strangers like theyre an old handbag or sack of spuds..... I run my own business, and am lukcy enough that all my clients have their own sites - so no need for people to come to us. So as such we work from home. I have literally lost count of other school gates mums who seem to think this means Im not up to much and can have their kids whenever they feel like it.

What really surprises me is how persistent they are inspite of me being really firm and saying NO repeatedly. If I asked someone a favour and they said No, I would be mortified and never ask them again. A girls mum in DD year has literally asked me about 20-30 times. I work full time, have 3 kids, and a dog, No I cant look after your child as well. Ive had it with DS "best friends" mum too...never offers playdates, or to help me out, moment I stopped helping, Ive not seen her for dust.

Im all up for a play date every now and then, but literally with DDs school friend - a text at 10 pm at night saying - can you pick xx up for me tomorrow after school until 6 - thanks.... No asking "please" or "could you do me a massive favour" or "I know this is cheeky - Ill help you out if you need it in the future".... nothing.

Thing that really grinds my gears is this woman has 2 DC and is a SAHM! DH thinks shes having an affair..... joking aside it does worry me quite how many people are happy for their kids to go somewhere when they dont know the person who will look after them.

AugustaFinkNottle · 01/06/2016 16:07

The mother of a friend of DD used to get very indignant about the fact that the school objected to her turning up late routinely to collect her daughter. Her view was that the staff were just messing around sorting out the classroom and they could perfectly easily keep an eye on her daughter. When I suggested to her that maybe they were paying childminders for their children and could be anxious to get back to collect them, you could tell it just did not compute for her.

However, the school sorted it by putting the kid into the after school club every time she did it. Once she knew she was going to be charged for an hour's care every time, she suddenly discovered the ability to turn up to collect her child promptly.

expatinscotland · 01/06/2016 16:07

'My friend has a DS starting too and I've been getting a few "I really don't know how we'll manage the holidays" comments/wistful looks. Hmmmm.'

I'd say, 'I'm sure you'll find a lovely childminder. Lots of people manage it. What with my job, I am quite full up with looking after children. I like to use the holidays to enjoy my own family.' She asks, you say, 'No, that doesn't work for us. You need to make your own arrangements.' Do not agree to 'emergencies', either. She chances again and you say, 'No, can't do that. We have other plans.'

iMogster · 01/06/2016 16:10

My best friend has 2 Dd, 1 is at school. Her friend has a Dd in her class and her childminder quit, so she managed to arrange all after school except Tuesdays. She asked my friend to pick her up and have her for roughly 3 hours including tea...and the next week and then the next week. Then nothing was said, because well from her point of view, it was working nicely. (she thought, my friend is at the school anyway and at home anyway). After many weeks my friend said enough is enough and now won't do anymore childcare favours for her at all. This so called friend, tried to make my friend feel guilty for stopping as she had nothing sorted for Tuesdays and her Dd was enjoying her weekly playdate!
My friend reduced her hours and pay to be at home 2 afternoons a week to spend time with her Dds, not offer free childcare which restricts her. Some people's cheek is really astonishing.