AIBU to think sort out your own childcare!

[FrankWelker]

Half- term and I am using annual leave to look after DC. So far this week I have had 5 phone calls from 2 different parents who ( unfortunately) know I'm off to see if I can have their kids from 7.30-6.40 pm. I'm perfectly happy to help out in an emergency but both parents have said they forgot it was half term. The same ones who forgot the Easter holidays were for 3 weeks. As I said I will always try and help if someone is in a tight spot but am I being unreasonable with this? I don't particularly want to wake up for 7.30 am on my time off and when I do would rather do play dates with kids who my children want to see- and these kids aren't even my kids ages that
they can play easily. We get the school term dates well in advance! Does anyone else get this (and get hacked off like me!)

No sorry, I can't I have my own kids to look after. Ignore the phone at that early time.

God life is full of piss takers, this has never ever happened to me.

God op, did you actually say that to her, I bloody well hope you did!

Lol - who actually does that??? You are right I have next year's half term dates in my calendar already. I have been a single mum working full time the entire time my dd has been is school and have always managed to organise before/after and holiday care! Even emergencies I either take the day sick or wfh. That's the life of a parent!

6.15! I would have swore down the phone!

I missed the 6.15 bit. How rude is that. I would have thought it was terrible news or an emergency as no one normal would call at that time otherwise. OP what did she say when you told her no/not to call at such a ridiculous time? Please say she apologised?

To the pp who asked what my sister does. She used to have them but then was getting so exhausted and one particular person was so ungrateful and expectant (she used to drop my niece off with hers at a thing once a week, so thought this was reciprocation - but she was going exactly that way anyway and my sister would be present so no childcare was needed and sister would also babysit for her in the evenings she wasn't working as payback). My sister was getting really ill with lack of sleep and a lot of her hair fell out due to stress. The friend of course stopped being such a good friend when my sister started saying no. What got me was that she swapped to day work for more money and more sociable hours but then refused to pay for childcare and expected everyone else to step up. Quite why i don't know. Surely if it worked like that everyone would do it. My sister works nights so she doesn't have to pay for childcare and takes all the negatives that go with it.

If anyone phones me at 6.15am then I had better be needed to hold the hand of a loved one while they breathe their last. I'd have been much, much ruder than you OP.

Thankfully nobody ever asks me to mind their kids because they know i have a tribe of my own and I work 100 hours a week from home. I've made very sure that anyone who would be likely to ask knows these things. I also never answer the phone unless I know I want to speak to the person. I don't know how people managed before caller display.

I've had similar from a 'friend' who only ever rings wanting help with childcare. I am happy to help if I can and have done so lots of times. Friend's childminder had a (long booked/6 months notice) week off she asked if I could help. Agreed to help thur and fri, same school so no hassle at all. Asked about mon as she was 'stuck' sorry no I'm at work. Various variations of same question via text message I repeat same 'no, I'm at work'.

Nothing until you've guessed it 7am on the Monday. I kept repeating no I'm at work until changing to 'I pay for breakfast club and Afterschool club' for the two at school to be asked can I take her dd and pick her up and register and pay for her that day. No then switched my phone off. When dropping dc3 at childminders she said she had thought I'd have friend's dd with me as friend had told her I was 'helping out'. These people honestly have such a cheek!

The thing that really annoys me about people like this is that THEY then get all affronted and offended by YOUR treatment of them. They just cannot process that they are not the centre of the universe, it is a genuine surprise to them every time someone doesn't bend over backwards to accommodate them. How can people continue with that level of expectation their whole lives? Isn't it squashed out of you by experience??

'I'm a SAHM and now the primary school allocation has been done Ive already had a mum whose child will go to the same school as my dc mention about helping each other out with lifts/holidays etc. She's suddenly becoMe very friendly and I feel I'm being groomed.

I have 3 kids the eldest will start school in September I don't want to feel obliged to help out when I doubt she'll ever be able to help me out. My life is not exactly peaceful right now.'

Next time she brings it up, you say, 'That doesn't work for me. I'm already too busy with my three to do any helping out.' Very simple. Then she will drop you like a hot brick.

Just nip it in the bud.

I would have 100% just said "fuck off" and hung up. But I'm a nasty cow if you wake me up

I'd be terrified if someone rang at that time Thinking someone had died or was in an accident!

I have 3 kids, 1 has SEN, 1 goes to nursery and 1 at a different school. I have to arrange pick ups and drop offs around our work schedules and 3 different childcare combinations. I have lovely friends who have offered to help me out with this. One who collects my son with hers from school.

Because I know I can't reciprocate, I very rarely ask for help. I pay the friend who does the pick ups for me because I would hate to think she feels I take advantage of her.

Yesterday one of my kids was sick but I still had to get the youngest to nursery. I was ready to get them all in the car for the drop off but my neighbour got really cross when she found out. She's happy to help out when she's at home and said she would have sat with the other two while I did the drop.

I don't understand how people can be so bold as to ask someone to do a whole day of childcare.

I think part of my reluctance has to do with my inlaws dropping kids off at the weekend. I'd open the door and there would be a child stood there while the mother and my MIL would be disappearing into the distance in the car! The child would then inform me that mum and granny had gone shopping and that they'd been dropped off for me to look after.

fwiw I have taken DC to school on a non-school day (might have been inset, I can't remember) and I wasn't the only one.

School now sends an email to all parents the day before school starts hoping we had a lovely holiday and reminding us to come to school tomorrow, along with times and remember to be smart etc.
They also send a similar email the day before term ends.

I really appreciate these

Just rude and unbelievable. This is why my phone is on silent and friends (school mum friends anyway) have never been given my home number!!!

They are 100% taking the p*ss!!! That's your holiday time! Say no! And don't feel bad about it! They get their holiday and actually get to go on holiday!! Hard enough dealing with your own kids, you don't need anyone else's!!!!!!

Wtaf! I occasionally get the odd text to ask if it's 'inset tmw' & it's usually the same culprits, but I've never been asked to have others' children like that. I help my friends out & vice versa with advance arrangements & not all day either.

Don't answer the phone if u don't want to say no

That is totally taking the p&@#. Tell them to book holiday club like you'd have to do if you weren't on leave. If you don't tell them they'll think you're a push over. I can't believe anyone would be that cheeky to ask.

Had a "friend" who regularly asked me to have her girls after school as She had failed to sort childcare. After a while I made excuses and stopped. She never ever offered to reciprocate in school holidays when I needed childcare. One fellow mum ended up having her children a few mornings before school for a whole year!! Anyone who helps me is paid or It is reciprocated and often a bottle of wine thrown in. This "friend" never ever offered anything. I see her sometimes and she has not bothered to say hello... Clearly I am no longer useful. She is now a head teacher 😗
The guile of some people never ceases to amaze me.

Oh my goodness, some people are awful. I currently have my friend's son as she did forget it was half term but it is awkward as it is also his day with his dad.

However, I honestly don't mind as we do a swap type thing. She takes my dd one morning a week to help my oh. She also does my hair for free as she is a hairdresser. I teach so always have the holidays off. It is definitely a two way type thing. If I felt like I was being treated how some of you are treated they would be told where to go.

Mrs Koala there is a lack of respect for night workers in general. I used to work nights and my HA used to insist on an all day call for a gas safety check so i would have to get up and wait all day with no sleep and then they often wouldnt turn up.

Neighbours in the private houses opposite would have things like angle grinders and wood chippers going very early in the morning.

I always wonder how inconsiderate ppl would feel if they had to go to hospital and had to be treated by someone who was tired due to being kept awake by someone like them.

Unbelievable.

I work full time, and as others have said, plan things with military precision.

I've been in the opposite position - where grandparents or whoever have offered to look after my kids for a half term or holiday a couple of weeks in advance, and I've had to say no thanks, I need to book these things months before hand! (nicely of course, I may want to ask them in future!)

Forgot it was half term, my arse. Knew damn well it was half term, assumed OP would happily provide free childcare, more like!

OP it sounds like they knew you would be off work and just want to palm their kids off on you. YANBU at all. Just tell them no and enjoy your time with your DC. How rude of them!