AIBU to pull out from this nightmare camping trip?

[SparkleSoiree]

So, camping is not, has never been and, now I can say, will never be my thing.

People love it, I get that. Kids and husbands I think mostly...I DONT GET IT.

We are booked to go camping with DH's cousin and his family in August. I'm more of a city break, lovely hotel person myself but DH and DD were really keen to go relive his scouting days and not wanting to be a party pooper I decided to throw myself in there too to show willing and that basically I can do anything I put my mind to. Turns out I'm more of a panderedto woman than superwoman!

We did a trial on the weekend in the garden with the new tent and kit DH bought. Seriously, it was like watching him unwrap his presents on christmas morning. His face was constantly smiling, sharing his joy with DD who loved it just as much. I offered some help occasionally but could not get into the spirit of it at all. He even put up little fairy lights around the rope thingies to add a little bit of glam for me .

It was a disaster for me, I got the total of 1hr 5 mins kip between 11pm and 8am, was in a seriously bad mood in the morning and did not see the fun side of it at all. Seven nights I've booked myself in for and if I had to spend 7 consecutive nights with minimal sleep I'd be driving myself home by the end of day 2! I cannot function without my sleep, I get really grumpy and moody and a desire to be on my own. I certainly couldn't think about a day trip out after spending 10 mins trying to get up off a bloody airbed and that's before I've even thought about getting dressed!

I'm considering options, one of which is not going at all and allowing DH to spend the week with his family and DD. Upside is that I would get a week to myself as my other DD is away abroad at the same time.

Another is to check into a hotel close by and swing in by each morning with some lovely breakfast items for them all and spend the day with them. Upside is there will be a lovely bathroom in the hotel, just for me, a cosy bed, a bar under cover and I won't have to make my bed in the morning because some lovely person will do it for me. More my idea of relaxation.

Other option is to borrow our friend's caravan (she has offered it in my hour of need!) and add a caravan pitch to our booking. That way we have a tent and a caravan. I could cope with a caravan - I think.

Out of those I think I prefer the first one, so AIBU to pull out and spend a week on my own doing my own thing and forgetting I'm a 44yr old mum of 3, wife to 1 and taxi driver to all?

Nobody has to try camping if they don't want to (and anyway, the OP already has and knows she doesn't like it), but I honestly thought I'd hate it and actually loved it, so even fully-grown adults can sometimes be wrong about what they will and won't like. I'm sooo glad I was persuaded into trying it! We are going camping on 23rd July. Haven't been for two years and I can't wait! I love my tent. Camped for three whole weeks once. I thought maybe that would be too long but I didn't want to go home at the end!

Sparkle don't worry. We have stress as a family (DC with SN) and my mantra is "play to your strengths". I love camping, DH hates it - I take the DC, DH gets to stay home and watch shite on TV for 3 days. I hate football, DH loves it - DH stands in the rain every Saturday morning watching DC play and I watch Saturday kitchen in bed

It's not about sucking things up or putting yourself first or being me me me its just normal bloody family life - people compromise and everyone is happy some of the time at least! I'm sure you, like the vast majority of parents here, genuinely spend all your days doing the best for your DC, there is nothing wrong with thinking about what's best for you too. Especially with DC with SN, the wheels (ie you ) need to stay on!

(And I say this as someone who said earlier in the thread that I bloody love camping and maybe you should just go for the first two days. There just seems to be a note of judginess appearing since which is totally unnecessary)

But she already did try it. And she doesn't like it. FFS.

Was that to me, Expat, or just in general?

In general. She tried it. She doesn't like it. Cue 500 posts are telling her what a bad person she is because of that. It's camping, not compulsory education. She doesn't like it, they do. So send 'em off.

'Investing' in all these expensive pieces of equipment for an activity she doesn't like it bonkers.

Would you tell a person who doesn't like skiing to buy top of the range gear and then they'll like it more? Or someone who doesn't like cycling they will if they splash out hundreds on more comfortable gear?

I like camping. I take my showers at night and prefer CCL sites and particularly ones that have all in one wet rooms/cubicles but have been on some truly lovely farms and smaller sites. Because I like it, I have invested in things like those IKEA memory foam thingies to make sleeping better and warmer, a microfibre dressing gown that packs down light and is lovely for traipsing back and forth to the showers or sitting around in, a lovely wool rug for nights. But all that would be a total waste for someone who doesn't really like it and doesn't want to be there.

Actually expat I think it may have been you who recommended in the past to save the dryer fluff to make firelighters?

I haven't risked a campfire yet on the grounds I would probably burn the tent to the ground, but every time I empty the dryer I still say "I must save the fluff"

Couldn't agree more expat. I like camping too - we have a garage full of good quality camping gear that has cost us dearly over the years, but we're happy to pay for it because WE LIKE IT. There are plenty of other things I either don't like or simply don't fancy - I wouldn't go out and buy loads of gear to make myself like it, and DH wouldn't want or expect me to either. Tent during the day, hotel at night - anyone who doesn't like it can get stuffed.

'Actually expat I think it may have been you who recommended in the past to save the dryer fluff to make firelighters? '

That was me! And also used candles. Save the bits of wax, melt them in a pan over a pan of boiling water, dip in cotton wool pads, dry on a bit of baking paper. Excellent firelighters.

I'm loving the look of that NeoAirDream Thermarest! My mate and I are planning another long walking route next year, with camping. I may have to invest .

Actually, those memory foam thingies are an amazing thing to have if you ever hire out a static caravan. We have done this a few times and the mattresses are never great. We have a roof box on a people carrier so I'm able to load up on the gear when we go camping. I'd love a campervan one day, with an awning, one of those that's closed on both sides, but for now we're working on setting up a tarp type thingy.

The other thing I like about established sites is a covered washing up area and some have enough space to cook in the covered if the weather is bad and you can't afford to go out to eat again.

My mate has a motorhome but they always use the washing up area to do theirs and the showers (you pay for them in the fees, and it's less hassle).

Dear me. The pro camping movement has invaded this thread right and proper. Such evangelism. Scary

I've survived it I think!

Oh dear, some of these suggestions to my outstanding camping issues are making me almost tempted to try camping again and there is a sale at our local caravan site of tents this weekend.

Showering in the evening is a genius. In the morning it seems like such a faff by the time you've pulled your clothes on to go to the toilet block to then strip off and take a shower that I ended up not bothering. But in the evening would get of that all day sticky feeling of not being quite clean and then too grubby to sleep properly.

Am almost tempted, but then think about how lovely it will be just to take myself to work and back for a couple of days whilst DH and DS rough it elsewhere. I can stay late, I can go for cocktails after work, I can have poached egg on toast for my tea, I can watch the Hotel Inspector without criticism or comment. Nah I'm staying home.

'Showering in the evening is a genius. '

Or at tea time. Between 5-7pm. Or after 9-10pm. Excellent.

One site I've been in even had a BATH.

I'm going this weekend. I can't say I'm massively keen on it but DH and the kids have been bouncing around with excitement since I said we'd go. There's also no way they'd go on their own without me so I'm packing my z-bed and duvet and heading out.

The only thing I like about camping is sitting round a fire of an evening but the site we're going to doesn't allow fires. It's going to be a long weekend!

I have this rug for nights. I loves it.

Niiiice Expat! Must be popular, its out of stock!

Oythebumbler good luck!

Such evangelism. Scary

Completely. As bad as the vegans. I am a vehement anti-camper, but am not invading this thread directing the OP towards cheap deals on Travelodges.

It's lovely and cosy. I found mine in a National Trust shop. I take it with me no matter how much space it takes up, which isn't much.

Do not go camping. You know you will hate it. I have had several attempts thinking I would get to like it and thinking that 'lots of my friends love camping,' and that I might love it too if I tried hard enough. Each time I've tried it, I have hated it and I absolutely know that I hate having to roll out of a bed near the ground, I hate the smell of cold crushed grass and the cooking-on-your-knees feeling, and I particularly hate any situation where I have to carry my towel and toilet bag across a field to get a not-very-nice shower. I am not Princessy either - (very unfair people that posted that) - I just know what I like, and at my great age I am not going to try to like things I know I don't like!

You have very graciously tried it by rehearsing the experience in your back garden. It won't get any better. Don't try to convince yourself that it will be OK! Let your DH and DD have lots of fun together with the others.

Take the caravan - I hate camping too and luckily we've not really been in a position to go in the last couple of years :) But I would only ever go for 1 night - or 2 at the most. The DC love it and can get their fix through 1 night away but it's not so bad in terms of lack of decent shower, etc, for me.

I would hate to miss out on a family holiday but would no way ever camp for 7 nights straight.!!!

We used to camp a few years ago, but even then we had everything to make the experience as comfortable as possible. Proper camp bends, and a porto loo,- no trekking out in to a field to go for a wee.
We also chose campsites with fantastic showers and loos, and which always had at least a small shop and always within walking distance to a pub
We also always had electric hook up,- except at festivals, so hair straighteners toaster and electric kettle were all part of our kit.
I don't recognise all the miserable experiences people on here are talking about. You are obviously doing it all wrong.

We now have a folding camper,- a bit like a trailer tent, and hoping to buy a camper van/motorhome in the next couple of years.
We have various other holidays as well, always abroad, so camping is never our main holiday, but we love it for long weekends and music festivals.

The reason I'm in this quandary is because I always enable my family to do what they want, usually over my own wants and needs. Now I'm saying 'hey, hang on a minute I want to do things a bit differently' I'm being cast as the bad, selfish person

You said upthread you are having a normal family holiday as well as the camping one... and presumably you usually have the type of holidays you like, since the camping is new? I appreciate you are under lots of stress and pressure in daily life and want to relax on holiday... but I I also think it's ok for your DH to want a different type of holiday sometimes. It sounds like he wants to try something more adventurous, and give your DD a new experience.

How does he feel about your proposed hotel plan?
If I wanted to take my DS camping for the first time and my DH originally agreed then changed his mind and decided to stay in a hotel... I would be upset. I would rather he stayed home and left us to it, because the camping is the focus of the holiday... it's the adventurous novelty part and IME kids find it all very exciting. One parent disappearing to a hotel gives the message that camping is not fun at all. It puts a dampener on everything. It also means the camping parent has to do all the camp work, night loo trips etc while the other just gets to enjoy the fun parts. Which leads to resentment.

Would your DH mind if your DD decided to move into your hotel room after the first night under canvas? Would it spoil it for him? I'm not saying I would force my DC to camp if conditions were really awful, cold, wet etc... but it would be a family decision to abandon camp, not just because the hotel is the cosier/easier option or he became bored of the work involved in camping. I would feel DH was undermining me (and the effort I'd put into organising the trip) if DC were allowed to choose between tent and hotel or switch back and forth on a whim. I do believe camping is good for kids, because it teaches them teamwork. They also learn to cope with minor discomforts, help with cooking and washing up, learn about the outdoors etc.

I get the impression you want the best of both worlds from this holiday- the fun family days out and a comfortable hotel room. Yet it's not a hotel holiday, and I'm not sure how you can combine them without spoiling the camping experience for others. How will you explain hotel to your DC without sounding negative about camping?

My advice would be to let them go without you, and next time your DH wants to camp get involved early on... we've been to some lovely 'glamping' campsites where tents had proper beds, heating, electricity, loo etc yet you still get the woodland outdoor experience. We also stayed in a (luxurious) treehouse with a hot-tub which is the type of outdoor experience I prefer these days!

Good luck

Yet it's not a hotel holiday, and I'm not sure how you can combine them without spoiling the camping experience for others

1. It's very easy to combine them.

1. The OP is not responsible for other people's feelings in this case. If they are so lacking in resilience, or have their fun so easily spoiled, then it's probably time to give these people a wide berth. There's a saying - the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter.

You and your DH sound like you get upset very easily. I do hope you can both resolve that.

SirChenjin .

I'm sure op will find a way to have a great time whatever happens and leave behind all the projections and objections from strangers on the Internet.