AIBU to pull out from this nightmare camping trip?

[SparkleSoiree]

So, camping is not, has never been and, now I can say, will never be my thing.

People love it, I get that. Kids and husbands I think mostly...I DONT GET IT.

We are booked to go camping with DH's cousin and his family in August. I'm more of a city break, lovely hotel person myself but DH and DD were really keen to go relive his scouting days and not wanting to be a party pooper I decided to throw myself in there too to show willing and that basically I can do anything I put my mind to. Turns out I'm more of a panderedto woman than superwoman!

We did a trial on the weekend in the garden with the new tent and kit DH bought. Seriously, it was like watching him unwrap his presents on christmas morning. His face was constantly smiling, sharing his joy with DD who loved it just as much. I offered some help occasionally but could not get into the spirit of it at all. He even put up little fairy lights around the rope thingies to add a little bit of glam for me .

It was a disaster for me, I got the total of 1hr 5 mins kip between 11pm and 8am, was in a seriously bad mood in the morning and did not see the fun side of it at all. Seven nights I've booked myself in for and if I had to spend 7 consecutive nights with minimal sleep I'd be driving myself home by the end of day 2! I cannot function without my sleep, I get really grumpy and moody and a desire to be on my own. I certainly couldn't think about a day trip out after spending 10 mins trying to get up off a bloody airbed and that's before I've even thought about getting dressed!

I'm considering options, one of which is not going at all and allowing DH to spend the week with his family and DD. Upside is that I would get a week to myself as my other DD is away abroad at the same time.

Another is to check into a hotel close by and swing in by each morning with some lovely breakfast items for them all and spend the day with them. Upside is there will be a lovely bathroom in the hotel, just for me, a cosy bed, a bar under cover and I won't have to make my bed in the morning because some lovely person will do it for me. More my idea of relaxation.

Other option is to borrow our friend's caravan (she has offered it in my hour of need!) and add a caravan pitch to our booking. That way we have a tent and a caravan. I could cope with a caravan - I think.

Out of those I think I prefer the first one, so AIBU to pull out and spend a week on my own doing my own thing and forgetting I'm a 44yr old mum of 3, wife to 1 and taxi driver to all?

Yes I am not keen on beach/sun holidays either, but I go because the rest of the family enjoy it. To me it means: stressful flights with children, endlessly applying cream on wriggling bodies, prickly heat, sand in everything, chlorine, swimming (I hate swimming!), water sports (even worse than swimming) and having to parade my pasty 40-something body to the rest of the world in a swimming costume. Plus I don't sleep that well due to heat / mosquitoes / other people parting to the early hours. But I know how much the kids love it, and DH likes some guaranteed sunshine. I pretend I like swimming because I don't want the children being scared of water like I am. I don't think it would be very fair on the family if I refused to go to the beach! So I just suck it up and look for the positives - Kids learn to swim, I get to read books. (Personally my ideal holiday would a cottage in the uk with long walks, tea rooms, pub lunches, country houses and garden centres but I wouldn't force DH and the kids to do that!). I guess my point is that when you are in a family it's about compromise and you can't always stay in your own comfort zone.

How are your DH and kids compromising curl?

Well, for a start my personal criteria for the sun/beach holiday was no shopping or cooking. DH does all the shopping, and we eat out a lot. Without that stress I feel a lot more able to enjoy the other stuff. Also I get all the lie-ins! We do other short breaks throughout the year that I prefer (eg camping with my family).
Not sure the DCs compromise that much at the moment but they are young and it's a work in progress....!

No, I actually meant in terms of where you go on holiday. No varying the type of holiday you go on so that you all get to choose?

You appear to be going on a kind of holiday that you hate but it's being 'sweetened' by things which are making it more bearable - y'know, much like the OP is suggesting.

Although thinking about it, I guess the DCs do have to compromise, because most weekends I take them down to my allotment when quite often they'd rather be at home playing. So it's all swings and roundabouts. So my same point stands - it's compromise and taking a positive attitude.

There's no reason to not be comfortable and get plenty of sleep when camping. This is not 1970,s anymore! Tents are triple insulated, there are tent heaters, electric sockets, sturdy, comfortable beds that don't require even an air bed but if you feel princessy there are mattresses. There are pillows and thermal sheets.... Take a trip to a proper camping supply shop and buy, sorry, 'invest' in stuff to make your nights and days more comfy. You'll feel much better and you'll all enjoy the experience lot more. As the Scouts say 'Be Prepared!'

No, that's a trip to your allotment, very different from a holiday.They are not compromising on holiday - it seems to be a one way street in your family (albeit as I said, with sweeteners to make it more bearable for you, just as the OP is suggesting for her holiday).

Good grief Lois - that's a lot of expense there for a week's camping trip!

DayOfMaypoles

What happens if you're a bit sleep deprived?

I become the grumpiest bitch going. It's who I am, I am not pleasant at all to the point where I would rather be on my own so shoot me. On the flip side when I've had enough sleep I'm great fun to be with. Ask my 2 friends.

I've coped on 4hours sleep a night for the last 9months, often less (non-sleeping baby) and I manage not to take it out on my family or be miserable and grumpy all day. A week of poor sleep is nothing!

Wow, perhaps you could share you secret with me then? I must be doing this whole parenting/time management thing wrong. But, I'm thinking, if I've not got the hang of it after 24yrs parenting then I'm not going to make much progress at this stage of my life. Maybe the problem is something to do with my youngest's sleep pattern (remember, autistic and needs meds to sleep), maybe the studying until 4-5am in the morning I'm doing in order to further my career and thereby the lifestyle for my family, maybe it's my responsibilities to my Dh's engineering company that I have or maybe it's spending too much time trying to ensure everyone in my family gets where they need to be at certain times of the day every day? I guess it could be all of that together that makes me unable to cope on minimal sleep nowadays.

This thread is quite lighthearted but when you say my attitude is sad and that I make it all about 'me me me' I take offence to that. The reason I'm in this quandary is because I always enable my family to do what they want, usually over my own wants and needs. Now I'm saying 'hey, hang on a minute I want to do things a bit differently' I'm being cast as the bad, selfish person.

The scenarios you mention are highly unlikely to happen but thank you for taking the time to post. I think I've got your message now. .

I don't hate it, it just not my favourite. But after many years of trying different holidays, I have come to realise that a happy occupied child = relaxed parents. (One of my kids is very energetic (won't go into details) and I tend to keep him from going anywhere near bone china or antiques unless I want more grey hairs!).
About 10 years from now they'll all refuse to come on holiday with us anyway and I can burn my bikinis and do all my old lady stuff 😀
(FWIW, we actually are planning a different type of holiday next year.)
But really - I just wish people would give things a go.

Why on earth would anyone give something a go when they know they'll hate it?

I would be grumpy too on 4 hours sleep a night ....

Is it just me or has Mumsnet become really negative recently? Loads of threads I read seem to just end up moany and bitchy. I don't think I can bother with this one anymore as it's just putting me on a downer. I've tried to be positive but give up!

Curlup. I'm quite a Newbie but Ime some people thrive on drama and goadiness.

We compromise on days out on the holiday, beach for DH, sightseeing for me, etc. We try different things - including one year I told my DH where he was driving to in Europe as he put it into the sat nav. I'd forgotten myself where I'd picked so it Was all a bit of a surprise!

Are deliberately ignoring the bit about the OP being prepared to give it a go - but doing exactly as you're doing curly, which is to insist on some caveats?

The comment about 'giving it a go' wasn't aimed at OP but at all the other posters who have come on and thrown up their hands in horror at the very idea of a camping trip rather than giving OP any useful advice. I actually thought it was great OP was willing to try again with a better bed.

Separate holidays. That's the answer.
Bliss.

Why are you fixated on getting the OP to go camping? Or indeed anyone? Most odd. You've already said if I was camping in a group and one person chose to sleep in a hotel (health problems not included) then yes it would feel a bit weird. Caveats only allowed for certain types of holiday?

So at me then? Maybe less PA to have named me

The op asked if she is BU to pull out of a camping trip. No she isn't

We're all entitled to post our opinions - and imho camping is worse than no holiday at all - and staying at home in peace and quiet (which was one of the options given in the op) is infinitely preferable

Can't be Costa - your comment about giving it a go came after hers.

Ok - I meant the 'negative moany bitchy' comment as that was after mine...

Ah - got you

I used to do a lot of camping with Cubs when DS was younger. It's hideous. Don't go.

'Why on earth would anyone give something a go when they know they'll hate it?'

This ^. What the FUCK? The OP is an adult. She knows her own mind. She knows what she likes and doesn't like. And she doesn't like this. There are things my husband knows he doesn't like. I love and respect him, I don't want him to do something I know he hates to 'compromise' with us if there's an alternative. Ditto my friends. I like camping in small doses, I spent all of last week on a long, strenuous walking route with camping every night, but if I knew one of my friends hated it, I wouldn't be such a twat as to try to guilt them into going with emotional blackmail and 'give it a go'. That would fuck me right off if someone tried to do that to me, because it's not very nice at all.

Not sleeping sucks. Being uncomfortable sucks. Why on Earth would anyone wants someone they care about to do something they think sucks?

Airbeds are awful. Give me a thermarest any day. There's been plenty of nights in hotels when I'd much rather be on my thermarest!

The first night of camping tends to be the most disrurbed, then you acclimatise. It's worth leaving sleeping bags to air for a few hours before going to bed to get the most insulation from them.

I tend to find that the fresh air knocks me out. This weekend I managed (with some assistance from red wine) to sleep for an incredible 9 hours. Miraculously the DCs didn't wake early and treat my ribs as a human trampoline!