AIBU to pull out from this nightmare camping trip?

[SparkleSoiree]

So, camping is not, has never been and, now I can say, will never be my thing.

People love it, I get that. Kids and husbands I think mostly...I DONT GET IT.

We are booked to go camping with DH's cousin and his family in August. I'm more of a city break, lovely hotel person myself but DH and DD were really keen to go relive his scouting days and not wanting to be a party pooper I decided to throw myself in there too to show willing and that basically I can do anything I put my mind to. Turns out I'm more of a panderedto woman than superwoman!

We did a trial on the weekend in the garden with the new tent and kit DH bought. Seriously, it was like watching him unwrap his presents on christmas morning. His face was constantly smiling, sharing his joy with DD who loved it just as much. I offered some help occasionally but could not get into the spirit of it at all. He even put up little fairy lights around the rope thingies to add a little bit of glam for me .

It was a disaster for me, I got the total of 1hr 5 mins kip between 11pm and 8am, was in a seriously bad mood in the morning and did not see the fun side of it at all. Seven nights I've booked myself in for and if I had to spend 7 consecutive nights with minimal sleep I'd be driving myself home by the end of day 2! I cannot function without my sleep, I get really grumpy and moody and a desire to be on my own. I certainly couldn't think about a day trip out after spending 10 mins trying to get up off a bloody airbed and that's before I've even thought about getting dressed!

I'm considering options, one of which is not going at all and allowing DH to spend the week with his family and DD. Upside is that I would get a week to myself as my other DD is away abroad at the same time.

Another is to check into a hotel close by and swing in by each morning with some lovely breakfast items for them all and spend the day with them. Upside is there will be a lovely bathroom in the hotel, just for me, a cosy bed, a bar under cover and I won't have to make my bed in the morning because some lovely person will do it for me. More my idea of relaxation.

Other option is to borrow our friend's caravan (she has offered it in my hour of need!) and add a caravan pitch to our booking. That way we have a tent and a caravan. I could cope with a caravan - I think.

Out of those I think I prefer the first one, so AIBU to pull out and spend a week on my own doing my own thing and forgetting I'm a 44yr old mum of 3, wife to 1 and taxi driver to all?

I have always camped since I was a child, and never really stopped! Fortunately DH enjoys it too. When I was younger we did more basic camping but now I like a few more luxuries.

I can totally understand why some people don't like it as it's not easy. It's actually quite hard work so not everyone has the stamina or would enjoy it. A bit like I don't get the appeal of skiing I guess.
(But honestly all this stuff about it being a Dads thing - that's really crap! Stop it please!)

Everything does take twice as long. I suppose that is part of the appeal - at home I can be a bit stressy, trying to do 10 things at once, dashing around, so having to do things like wait for a kettle to boil or walking to collect water is good for me. The kids love the fact that we aren't doing housework, DIY, or working etc. Also, I think it's good for all of us not to have luxuries on demand once in a while - we are so incredibly fortunate with our western lifestyle and it's no bad thing to be reminded of that occasionally..... Especially for the kids, who take so much for granted.

However we don't make it camping out main holiday, but do a few long weekends a year. (We are fortunate we can also afford to go abroad for proper relaxing). The children really love camping which is important to me. They talk a lot about their camping trips. I know camping isn't easy but it's not as bad as some people make out. You can stand up in tents! You can get a toilet for night time! You can get comfier beds! (Double air beds are no good. If you are willing to splash out, the bed I have seen people rave about on the UK Campsite Forum is the Posadas camp bed topped with the Outwell 10cm Dreamboat SIM - this is from people with back injuries etc.) Also as others have said, take lots of comfy bedding, hot water bottle, earplugs.
For me, what makes camping worth all the effort is the social aspect. We always go with friends / family and try and get sites which allow campfires. We take glow sticks, marshmallows for kids. We do a big joint BBQ one night (to those people saying camp food is bad, they should come to our meal! Baked salmon, grilled haloumi, salads, prawns etc.) Then we sit around the fire, stuffed, under the stars, wrapped in blankets, chatting, drinking and catching up. I love it. The next day we find a nice country pub and go for a ramble through the countryside for a Sunday lunch. Many happy memories!

But you do have to have a positive attitude to it. And camping when it's raining is a bit crap, no-one can deny that!

I am mega organised though I do admit - I have a strict camping list and food is planned in advance. You have to work out what are the luxuries that are really important to you. I realised DH was grumpy without proper coffee so I got him an insulated cafetière mug. For me, I like a decent kitchen set-up, and a comfy chair to sit in. It sounds like the bed could be the deal breaker for you. Well done on being willing to give it another go. Even if you just managed a couple of nights I think your DH and DD would love it, and at least you'd tried.

As for all those people saying great have a week on your own - I personally would find that hard! I would be happy with a night alone, but then I would start missing the kids too much! (DH I could manage longer without! )Maybe I am too soppy.

Lastly, the class comments are bemusing. I don't think camping is a class thing at all. The campsite I went to a couple of years ago was like a kind of middle-class enclave - all Hunter wellies and fairy lights and bell tents. But others I've been to are pretty rough. It depends where you go.

I think you got admirably quickly to the heart of the issue, OP. If you are warm and comfortable at night, everything else is manageable. Never underestimate how cold a tent can be. I vividly remember a camping holiday in the south of France when we all took the piss out of DM for packing a hot water bottle. Until we got to the Pyrenees. Because we had all been so mean, she quite rightly refused to share.

Oh and FWIW in our house it is DH who refuses point blank to even consider camping. I have continuing fantasies of taking the DC by myself, though...

I'm not good on no sleep in a tent either. My solution/ compromise is
Sleeping in the camper van, it's is so much better, DS has a pop up tent next to the van, you can hire a Campervan for less than a hotel.
park in the car park next to the campsite if there is no room next to the tent.

We camp regularly. The children and dh love it - we would never afford the hotel prices for a holiday otherwise....

I'm not so keen but have grown to semi like it.

We don't 'rough' it - I have a big tent. Over the years we have collected lots of camping paraphernalia. I have a kitchen table, lots if chairs, fridge, light to hang from the middle of tent roof, shelf system, blow up sofa etc.....

I know you hate it but your dd and dh are so excited. I would say that I would join them for the first two nights then go home early.

I have camped a couple of times in the past and really hated it, I was cold and slept terribly. Last year my boys wanted to go to a festival which involved camping, I was dreading it until a friend lent me two ikea roll up memory foam mattresses - they revolutionised my experience!! Slept really well and was warm and cosy! Before had always used air beds which are horrendous!
We were blessed with good weather, so that did help!
I wouldn't go again though out of choice. I would struggle to stay st home for a week alone knowing they were on hols but struggle to camp for 7 nights. Maybe I would do half and half, let them go for 3/4 nights and then join up for the rest of the week.

I thnk you should stay at home. You'll have a lovely time by yourself I'm sure, and your family will have a lovely time without you being all grumpy about it and ruining it for them.

"He even put up little fairy lights around the rope thingies to add a little bit of glam for me" That's actually a lovely little gesture your DH did for you, you might have hated it but it was thoughtful of him.

If you go into it determined to hate it, then hate it you will! Be willing to give it a chance or just don't bother going.

I think I'm showing much awareness by considering how my lack of sleep will affect the others in the group
Ha ha So you are doing the group a favour by booking yourself a nice plush hotel room
What happens if you're a bit sleep deprived? I've coped on 4hours sleep a night for the last 9months, often less (non-sleeping baby) and I manage not to take it out on my family or be miserable and grumpy all day. A week of poor sleep is nothing!

To me a holiday or break should be relaxing, enjoyable, interesting and fun. Anything that resembles hard work, disappointment, stress, poor customer service, crap food, uncomfortable beds, dirty bathrooms or poorly maintained premises all contribute towards a negative experience. Just a thought though, everybody has standards that they live by
Are you saying you can't enjoy a holiday unless the accommodation meets your high standards?
I find this very sad. To me holidays are all about family time and shared experiences. Much as I love 5* hotels, I've also had great holidays in accommodation well below my usual 'standards'. This includes tents, camping pods, ski lodges, a hunter's hut with no running water, a sleeping-bag under the stars in the desert etc. It's about the shared experience, not your personal comfort. Most people put their own wants aside for a few nights and focus on enjoying the experience with other people, on making it a positive experience for everyone. A group mentality rather than me me me.

IMO it's fine to hate camping and decide not to go. Less fine to cherry-pick the parts of the holiday you like and potentially ruin it for others. You are changing the dynamic by going to a hotel. That action alone screams 'camping is not good enough for mummy' and 'mummy cannot cope with less sleep or less than ideal living conditions'. That is not a message I'd want to send to my kids. I wouldn't want them opting out of everything at the slightest discomfort. Therefore if I didn't wish to camp and my family did, I'd let them go alone, and would be very positive and enthusiastic every time camping was mentioned.

If you go to a hotel I suspect one of 2 things will happen... either you will feel left out because DH and DC will be talking about camping all the time, discussing campfires and their adventures etc. They may not want to go on day-trips if they are getting into the spirit of camping, they may want to spend the days collecting firewood/hiking/canoeing/biking etc: Your DH may also resent having to do all the camp work while you relax in your hotel room!
Secondly, your DD may have trouble adjusting to the cold/damp/poor sleep that often accompanies camping and choose to take the easy route out... to sleep in your hotel with you. Imagine how your DH would feel.

I Leah's get jealous when I see people's pictures, wine in hand, all having fun around the campfire and kids having fun- in reality it's a bit shit! I hate it and I wouldn't go again! People who love camping always make out there's something wrong with you for not loving it but the older I have got, the more I don't really care! I can't get a good night sleep in a tent, the kids don't sleep properly in a tent, I get bored, I get too hot or too cold, it makes my bad back worse and I just don't enjoy it! My husband now takes my 2 boys camping with his family and I stay at home. Even he has changed his mind and started going for one night and not two as it is not that much fun with small people! A week, is a long time though, I don't think I would convince my husband to have the kids for a week without me! It probably depends how many holidays you all get and how happy he is to take them alone- good luck!

Dayofthemaypoles. Please have my badge of approval

Top tips:
Go with a big group (especially those who are seasoned campers with lots of kit!)
Don't attempt more than three days if you are a camping-hater (take two cars and go home early )
Focus on sleeping comfort (duvet, pillows, camping mats)
Earplugs and eye mask
Don't drink anything for an hour before bedtime (if you can master the outdoor wee, so much the better!)
Consider your pitch carefully.
Take lots of beers.
Don't scrimp on plates, cutlery, cups, or you will be washing up every 5 minutes.

I'm not a natural camper but my DCs love it, and I love the fact that they can run free and go wild for a while (no Xbox, just tree climbing and fishing ). So I suck it up.....for three nights only! And I drink a lot of beer........

What nonsense Maypole

1. If lack of sleep can be avoided, do so.

1. Most kids are resilient, determined and intelligent enough to understand that whilst one parent might not want to sleep under canvas it doesn't mean that camping = Shit. She can say goodnight to them, head off to the hotel, and be back in time for breakfast. Not a problem. I suspect that neither of your prophecies will come to pass.

Compromise people, it's what's is all about. Why on earth would you be so determined to do something that another family member hated when a meeting in the middle is perfectly feasible? Beyond weird not to.

"
BertrandRussell I need a like click for your constant clarification of the princessy issue! grin"

I feel a bit duty bound, since I was the first person to use the word...........

I used to be an archaeologist. I spent an entire summer living under canvas, having already spent many happy times camping as a Girl Guide and with my family. These days I am very very clear that there is no way I'll camp in a tent for fun. Campervan yes, caravan OK but not in a tent. I'm too old and I need my sleep too much. I'm so far over having the local crow population wake me at sunrise every single morning, shaking mud out of my bedding and praying my 'home' doesn't blow away with me in it when it rains!

I've actually relented and am going on a scout family camp for a weekend (2 nights) soon, but we are still having a 'proper' family holiday (probably in a static caravan as hotels are too pricy) in the summer.

There is nothing princessy about not wanting to camp, especially if you already know you won't enjoy it. I would be wary of staying in a hotel and swanning in every morning as that could definitely be interpreted by others as just a little 'princessy'. Then again, I'd give my right arm for a week at home alone so I'd be bigging up how much better and happier and experience it would be for everyone if I stayed at home ;-)

We tried camping. I was never so happy as when we sold that tent. Beautiful though it was, it was a bastard to put it up and I had to do it mostly myself as DH doesn't 'do' that stuff. I also of course had to get all the supplies, pack up the car myself (including putting on the roofbox) and none of us had any a) sleep or b) fun. We tried twice. Both were hideous. We only did it in the first place because DH nagged and nagged me. He understands now why I held out so long.

Who cares if other people think you're 'princessey' (patronising, nasty little word that it is) - if that's what people think then that's their problem.

Sorry, Maypole, I agree that that's nonsense.

A week of poor sleep is nothing!

But why on earth should anyone have to subject themselves to that on what is supposed to be a holiday, when it's totally unnecessary?

To me holidays are all about family time and shared experiences.

But if OP is only away at night time, realistically she and the family are missing very little.

You are changing the dynamic by going to a hotel. That action alone screams 'camping is not good enough for mummy' and 'mummy cannot cope with less sleep or less than ideal living conditions'. That is not a message I'd want to send to my kids. I wouldn't want them opting out of everything at the slightest discomfort.

No, it says different people like different things, and that you don't have to do non-essential things just for the sake of it.

If you go to a hotel I suspect one of 2 things will happen... either you will feel left out because DH and DC will be talking about camping all the time, discussing campfires and their adventures etc. They may not want to go on day-trips if they are getting into the spirit of camping, they may want to spend the days collecting firewood/hiking/canoeing/biking etc: Your DH may also resent having to do all the camp work while you relax in your hotel room!

Given that OP plans to be with them during the daytime, I can't really see that any of that is an issue.

Secondly, your DD may have trouble adjusting to the cold/damp/poor sleep that often accompanies camping and choose to take the easy route out... to sleep in your hotel with you. Imagine how your DH would feel.

Well, really, why shouldn't they? DH will have to suck up the fact that camping didn't work out. Why should the kids be cold, damp, miserable and sleep deprived just to keep Dad happy? I've known a number of people who have just given up on a camping holiday half way through and go home when it's turned out to be miserable. At least if some of them can escape to a hotel you can salvage the holiday.

No, definitely nothing wrong with not liking camping. But I don't think it's the people who simply say "I don't enjoy camping, I prefer hotels" who get accused of being princessy. It's usually the people who sound a bit more... well... princessy about it , particularly if they haven't actually tried camping and get all shuddery and horrified at the mere thought of a holiday without room service, crisp linen sheets and whatnot. I admit I used to think I'd hate camping, but I don't really do hotels either, only self-catering, so I'm unused to luxury accommodation and staff!

Anyone who uses the term 'princessey' to describe someone who doesn't like something they do is a princessey arse who, for whatever reason, is unable to accept other people's views, thoughts and opinions - and I speak as someone who does like camping. I simply accept that others dont', for whatever reason, as opposed to assigning negative terms to someone I care about.

If I get persuaded to go camping, I shall live by Chelseabuns's rules.

"Yesterday 22:32 chelseabuns2013

Camping is shit, Max three nights at anyone time max 1hr from home drink solidly cook only breakfast Those are the rules"

There is camping and camping. I've had good holidays camping and awful ones. I conclude its not much fun if it rains.

However I do get the compromise idea, which I think is sensible. I hate beaches. Totally. However every holiday we have a beach day for DH and the kids. I could do something else but we do tend to do stuff for everyone in turn, and the rest take turns joining in something they perhaps were not that interested in doing.

Only you know if you are prepared to come to some kind of compromise.

I'd buy the futon thing that someone mentioned, looks comfy, (and take your own pillows). Your DH and DD seem so excited about the trip it would be a shame to take the smile off their faces, and you are having a nice holiday later, but maybe agree beforehand that if the weather is rubbish that you can check into a local hotel, and then hook up with them for the days activities, then at least you aren't totally bailing. We have just got rid of our tent , we camped about 4 times , on each occasion it p....d down , so never got to enjoy my solar lights and camp fire!!!

I do think it's a shame that people who had one bad experience camping then rule it out completely. 'I tried it once in girl guides - never again!'. A lot can depend on your tent, the site, the company, your equipment, the weather and your attitude.

I've had some really crap nights in hotels, with much worse sleep than in a tent, but it doesn't mean I'll never go to a hotel again. If I had come on here and said 'the last time I went to a hotel, the room was too hot and my neighbours too noisy (true), and I hardly slept. My DH, DD and family have booked a week in a hotel but I am worried I won't sleep and be grumpy. What should I do?' You would all say I was mad and to go!

Also I do think it's quite common to sleep badly the first night you are in any new place, so I do think it's worth giving it more than one night.

Also being honest, if I was camping in a group and one person chose to sleep in a hotel (health problems not included) then yes it would feel a bit weird.

As for coming in with breakfast - do check with the group, as a lot of campers like to have a camping fry-up. I think it's the smell of the cooking and eating it outside that makes it so good. (For some reason I never feel guilty about food eaten sat outside a tent!) So you might want to check what the breakfast plans are before you bring stuff down.

Also being honest, if I was camping in a group and one person chose to sleep in a hotel (health problems not included) then yes it would feel a bit weird

That's your problem, not that of the person who chose to sleep in a hotel. Live and let live.

I am more than happy to own 'princessy' as long as I never have to go near a tent, portaloo or shower block for the rest of my natural - the very idea of it brings me out in hives - shudder