DD aged 4 sharing parents' bedroom

[MarchelineWhatNot]

We live in a tiny 2 up 2 down house which we rent from a private landlord. Our son has his own room and myself, DH & DD share the other bedroom. DD is always asking for her own room and I feel really sorry for her as I know she would keep it really nice and tidy.

Unfortunately, we cannot afford to move. We are stretched to the limit financially and I already commute 90 mins both ways (3 hours per day) for work so moving further out of the city is just not an option. We have pets as well so can't move into a flat.

So we're stuck. But I feel really sad for DD. Is it so bad for her to share our room? Is anybody else in this situation and if so, how do you handle it?

Thanks.

Go on the waiting list for a HA/ council (if there are any councils which still own their housing stock left) place because you do qualify under overcrowding rules due to the gender and ages of the dcs but be prepared to wait a very long time... unless you are in one of those rare LAs whose social housing is not under intense pressure. And in the meantime I think I'd have the dcs sharing the bigger bedroom, parents in the smallest. In our last house the dcs shared the bigger bedroom and dh and I had the tiny one (we managed to get our bed in there but nothing else and the door couldn't be closed so I do unseat snd how hard it is to do that). If there was an easy fix you'd have found it already of course. Please don't feel as awful as some pps seem to want you to feel. Housing is expensive and getting ever more so.

She has had lots of helpful, practical suggestions as well though. Obviously we don't know the exact setup of her house so they might not all be viable.

What do you think OP? Any ideas what you might do going forward?

shared ownership might be worth a look if you haven't looked already. Its cheaper than private rented. The resales tend to be the best value.

Op can you answer a few questions?

What is your/ your DH job?

-why did it take 2 years to get a job and why is it worth staying in this area for even though it necessitates a 3 hour commute despite being very poorly paid?

• do you live in the cheapest area in your locality?
• Why can't you move out of this city/ county to a cheaper one?

floggingmolly honestly how could you just keep pointing out what the OP has actually said here.

there are some people on here that just read one word in a reply and off they go on a rant about being an arsehole and fucking off.

You can't just "get rid" of pets like that, animal shelters are already overflowing with older unwanted pets - good for you OP for being a responsible owner.

That said, the whole 3 hour commute to pay for a tiny property seems crazy and whilst it's fine for your dd to share now I think you need to be thinking of a longer term solution - if there is a lack of social housing where you are now, your only options are to significantly increase your income (which doesn't seem likely from what you have said) or change/move jobs and relocate to a totally new area. Lots of cheaper areas in the UK, many of them with great state schools to boot.

Some extremely harsh responses here.
op you've been so polite on response.
Good luck, you sound like you are doing all you can on a practical level.
Definitely talk to your housing department. If you can't afford more bedrooms, l suspect your income will not exceed the criteria needed for social housing.

Bunkbeds in your boys bedroom, wont take up more space than a normal bed.

If you are indeed working in London as a few of us here have assumed from the 90min commute time and high housing cost? Then can I suggest Kent?

I live in Kent and our commute into town is well under an hour. Housing here is significantly cheaper than a lot of counties bordering London and the schooling is good. Honestly I would be looking to move area, unless you have strong family ties there? It sounds stupidly expensive, is it somewhere like Surrey or Oxfordshire? If you can only afford a tiny 2 bed and you're still 90 mins out of town then you need to look at a drastic move. A friend did this and moved to Essex where she knew nobody so her child could have the benefit of a house rather than a flat in zone 3 and they love it. Commute from Essex is quick and housing cheap.
Sorry if you already live in one of these places, just tying to help

Given the house that you have got, I think the arrangement you already have is still your best option. Far better than you sleeping in the living room or expecting an 11 year old boy to share with a 4 year old girl (even supposing that the second bedroom is big enough to hold a double bed for you and your husband). Your dd might like her own room but it's not really a problem that she doesn't have it. Longer term, sharing with either you or her brother is not sustainable (in terms of social housing it would be regarded as statutory overcrowding when she reaches 10).

When she is older, could money saved from childcare be used to pay a higher rent. Have you gone on lists for council or housing association housing. Have you looked at shared ownership where you part buy the house and part rent through the HA?

If the main bedroom is 12' x 8', you could divide it into 2 rooms that would be 6' x 8' - they would be small but if you go onto pinterest, there are lots of ideas for small box rooms.

something like this

or this

If your daughter is 4 and son 11 that is a 7 year age gap - By the time she is 11 he will be 18, so quite possibly off to university. And depending on what the pets are they sadly wont last forever. So you do have plenty of time to solve the problem.

There is 7 years before DS could potentially go to uni.

There is absolutely no guarantee he would.

Not sure if this idea has been suggested yet, but if the lounge is bigger than the main bedroom, how about subdividing the lounge into two rooms and using the main bedroom as the living room?

Not ideal and a bit odd being on a different floor to the kitchen. But once you're in the room could be a more comfortable use of space.

Sounds like you'd be better off no wing somewhere cheaper and both taking living wage jobs in aldi or something.

A 3 hour commute for a low paid job to love like sardines? Sounds truly shit and unworkable.

What jobs do you do? What is the long term plan for career progression? What other areas could you live in?

Get your name down for HA properties. You are over crowded.

Get rid of the pets so you can move somewhere more easily and have more disposable income. Yes, you can just get rid of them - Having animals PTS has to be better than a family living in such an over crowded situation.

I'd give the kids the bigger bedroom and put you and DH into a small double in the tiny room.

Personally, and I o mean if this was me. If inwere having to travel 90 minutes to work, could only afford a cramped 2 bed house etc. I'd be looking at changing jobs and moving away from London.
If this is life now it sounds like you'd be better off working a NMW job up north where you can rent a good size house and garden for £550 pcm.

We live in a 3 bed HA semi with front and rear gardens for £400pcm, it may be a small town but we can get to a lot of big cities in less than 90minutes still.

So that is what my plan would be, getting away from London, if that is where you are.

Housing associations or shared ownership is such a great idea

But I'm thinking if you are (both?) commuting into London (is it London?) 90 mins each way then that London job isn't paying you anything like enough to justify the travel.
The commute must be costing hundreds a month- look for a local
Job and put that money towards renting a bigger house

Are you sure you can't afford to move? Could you compromise on area to get a bigger place? 90 mins commute must give you a fair area to look in to.

I grew up in a 2 bed flat with 2 adults in one room, 3 children in the other with a bunk bed and cabin bed and walk divider down the room halfway

Don't panic op, if your ds moves out at 18 to go to university then your dd will still only be 11 so both can spent their teenage years 11-18 in that second bedroom one after the other.

In the meantime, if you would like them to have a room each, I would get a double sofa bed for the lounge for you and dh.

I shared my parent's bedroom until I was 8. This is how we all used to live back in the day.

Overcrowded by law they are not statutorily overcrowded.

if they were statutorily overcrowded then the council would HAVE to rehouse them

they are nowhere near being overcrowded under the definition of statutory overcrowding in the housing act.

a 2 bedroom house with a lounge would need more than 6 people in it to be overcrowded. Its a crap outdated standard and many councils have better but they are NOT REQUIRED to rehouse them because by law they are not overcrowded.

And if her DS doesn't move out?

Bloody hell, poor lad's only 11 and posters have him being turfed out on his 18th to make room for the daughter.

Because that's so much better than giving the pets to another loving home and moving into a bigger flat and spending the next 7 years not living like sardines.

Err .... IT HAS TAKEN THE OP TWO YEARS TO FINALLY FIND THE JOB SHE HAS NOW

Do you all really think it will be that easy for her to find a job more local??

voluptuagoodshag

I shared my parent's bedroom until I was 8. This is how we all used to live back in the day.

YY I shared with my mum for years after my parents' divorce. It was quite normal. Never remember anyone batting an eyelid.

Loved my bloody dog to bits, too.

mummy

I've just written two letters for families I work with in support of their application for a bigger council property. One is for a single parent in a two-bed newbuild with a girl and a boy - girl is ten. I checked with the council before I wrote the letter and they confirmed their housing status is overcrowded.

The other is a single parent in a two-bed flat, two girls under six and a baby boy. Her housing status is confirmed as overcrowded.

Maybe it's just your LA that thinks you can pack children into living areas like sardines before being designated as overcrowded?