To wonder how people afford things?

[FluffleFloffle]

I've recently qualified into a profession that has a reputation for being well-paid, however, this is simply not the case and especially not true of those newly qualified.
While I was studying, I worked part-time as a careworker for minimum wage where I met my friend also working as a part-time careworker. She is still there, working the same hours.
Recently, she invited me to her hen do in Barbados! I couldn't afford it so went along to a separate do for her held in London, which still cost quite a bit. There were a few comments made like 'so and so managed to get money together for Barbados and she has 3 kids, such a person afforded it and she's in debt so it's strange that certain other ppl couldn't make the effort'

She is returning to Barbados before September and posted one of those countdown screenshots of her calendar on FB over the weekend and has trips to Rome, Paris and Barcelona planned for the next two months too. She also posted pics from the Barbados hen do with a thank you msg to her 'true friends' for making the effort to go

I know I ABU to compare myself to others financially and it's none of my business but I just can't get my head around it all. Her fiancé has a minimum wage job and I'm not aware of any other income yet she has these super holidays. Meanwhile, I haven't been abroad for about 5 years as I just can't afford it but she clearly thinks I should be able to. I don't have debts (other than student) and live very carefully but could never afford her lifestyle. I probably sound like a jealous cow now but am just wondering how others have nice holidays and trips on a low income?

Hen in Barbados . The wedding is going to be something else! Beware what sort of gift she's going to be expecting OP!

It's amazing that the hen actually had people join her on this hen do in Barbados!

last minute Barbados prices here

These are last minute so prob cheaper.

Sorry, I'm bored at work, I'm getting over-invested in this thread! (dreams of Barbados holiday)

Both OH and I have fairly well paid professional jobs. People assume we earn more than we really do though. This year we can just afford a trip to UK from Ireland for the week. We are happy with this. Only know last week the part time cleaner in his work place who's husband is on disability benefit started teasing him for a being a cheap skate as she was off of a month long trip to Florida and Disney with her four kids!

No idea how she can afford that but we genuinely couldn't as we are sensible and have savings and our DD has savings started and we have a mortgage with no missed payments.

I wonder this.

I believe one friend has massive debts, but goes on holiday. Others have different priorities.

I calculated that if I cancelled the dc's swimming lessons, my gym (cheap) and my contact lenses then we could have holidays. Buy I'm not prepared to put a holiday above year round health and my vision.

Credit Cards I'd imagine. Could be family money but I doubt it if the rest of her family don't spend to a similar level/lifestyle.

Having worked in HR all my life I've noticed that since the 1990s, more and more people are getting into increasingly more debt until one day, they can't make the payments and it all collapses (if nobody can bail them out). People feel that they have to emulate those they see on reality TV shows in terms of lifestyle and one two minimum wage jobs, it's just not possible.

I'd bet that most of it comes from re-mortgaging, or credit cards or inheritance, in that order. Escorting, petty crime and drug dealing play a small but increasing part but there is normally a corresponding level of dysfunction in the lives of those that choose that path which is evident to anyone who cares to take more than a passing interest.

Whatever it is though, she's a cow.

househunting it would have been rude of me to ask her how she affords it all, which is why I haven't. Her comments just made me feel shit about myself, especially returning to work after a bank holiday with nothing to look forward to just as she posts her list of upcoming holidays. It does make me seem like a jealous cow and that's because I would like to travel, maybe your friend was similar in that she would like a deposit for a house and hasn't managed it yet so couldn't hide her reaction when you told her of your achievement?

Sometimes ppl don't have the choice to prioritise either. It's not a case of 'I'll do without my expensive coffee and cut back on hair maintenance so I can then use that money for somethings else', for some the money isn't there for the expensive coffee and hair salon in the first place. This is the case for a few of the girls I used to work with (who still work with hen) and they didn't get an invite to Barbados or London because the hen presumed they couldn't afford it. So when she sent out the invites to those who she had judged as able to afford such a trip, and they then said they couldn't (maybe 4 of us), she was baffled.

I'd also like to know about those with lots of debt (in comparison to what they can afford to borrow), do they expect to pay it all back or is the point to avoid it with low repayments or bankruptcy?

Credit cards! It doesn't take much to be approved for one and sometimes after only 6 months they increase the limit by a lot.

Yeah they just pay the minimum each month, but sometimes that can be hundreds of pounds! That's when reality hits.

Some people can live quite happily like that, BillBryson - but I know the one time I couldn't pay off my credit card, because I'd lent money to my then boyfriend, I started hyperventilating when I saw how much the interest was!! It then became my number one priority to pay that off, so I wasn't giving money away to the bank. Sadly it involved borrowing money off my Dad but he was paid back very quickly too (without interest, bless you Dad!) - I just couldn't have coped with seeing that cost every month.

I once worked with a woman who had expensive holidays every year. She was in work-related, heavily subsidized accommodation and, remarkably, never realized that the rest of the us were having modest holidays and building up equity. She got the shock of her life when she retired and had to find accommodation at real world prices. Bit of a rude awakening at an age when many people would have mortgage free lifestyle in their sights. She thought it was terribly unfair. Whether she ever joined the dots and pondered whether all the cruises were worth it if she had to work into her eighties just to pay real world rent I do not know.

I don't get how people can be close enough to extend an invite to a hen in Barbados, but then instantly get spectacularly arsey and unpleasant if you can't go. That's not a friend at all.

oldlaundbooth I started my morning perusing holidays I couldn't afford. Thankfully this thread is making me feel much better now!

Sorry I didn't clear up the comment hen made about debt. She had said another girl who went on the hen was in debt but still managed to go despite it. She's never mentioned any debt of her own.

You mention that your friend used to do the same job as you so she would not be surprised that you know what her income is. It's a shame that you felt it would have been rude to ask her how she affords it, when she has already been rude by suggesting that you could somehow have got the money together.

If you have decided to continue the friendship (not sure I would though, to be honest), I'd wait a while and then play it with a straight bat, saying to her "you know you mentioned that you were surprised I couldn't afford Barbados? Sounds like you had a fab time. I really couldn't find the money, new job is only paying a tiny bit more than our old one - can you give me any tips on how you managed to get the money together?".

I imagine that you'll find that either she has a totally different attitude to credit than you do, or you have expenses that she does not, and which she hadn't really thought you might have.

I remember when I was young I was really surprised to hear my friend say that her parents didn't believe in credit cards. Mine had 2 each - they never got into massive debt but they did buy family holidays on them and pay back throughout the year. I had been brought up that a little bit of debt was OK. My friend, on the other hand, would never have dreamed of any sort of borrowing. (As adults we're about equal now - she has a few cards and I use mine very sparingly).

Tbh I wonder this constantly about a lot of people I know. I can only surmise that a lot of people earn a LOT more than I think they do, or they somehow have radically smaller mortgages than we do (which is strange given they almost all live in more expensive houses than us!)

Dh and I wonder about it a lot and wonder what we are doing wrong!

She doesn't sounds like the kind of friend you want to have.

I have friends who max out credit cards for holidays. Myself and DH save up for things.

I hate the idea of unnecessary debt. They just seem happy to keep remortgaging.

Different priorities.

It's got to all be bought on credit, surely?

DH and I earn decent salaries, there is no way in hell I'd be able to justify a Barbados hen night, not even for my very best friend or sister. There are just so many other things I'd rather spend money on first.

We both earn 6 figure salaries and I wouldn't go on a weekend to Barbados. I've had a number of family weddings in Europe this year, and have flown Ryanair, and used BA points...

We have had one flash holiday (US) in the last 10 years. We have also been to France a lot (we own a small house there), and stayed with a friend in the Middle East. I had a long weekend in Morocco funded by winning a competition in a newspaper. None of it was bought on credit - I couldn't do that, and fortunately I am not in a position where I have to.

The hen sounds incredibly rude. By the way, my hen do was a night out in Portsmouth where I lived at the time. Great fun! I was conscious that a number of my friends didn't have the money to spend on a jolly jape.

Re-reading that, I sound like a completely tight git! I'm not, but I don't want to waste money and I am keen to pay our (horrendous London) mortgage down with any spare cash.

my husband is a window fitter and earns roughly £1k per week no holiday pay no sick pay etc and we can afford to put aside £500 per week in to savings which covers our holidays. we have four children so if we wanted to we could go to more exotic places but honestly i can't imagine nothing worse than being on a plane for more than four hours with them! and i had someone ask us how we can afford to live the life 'we live' lol everyone had different priorities, some people save more and live on less some people spend everything they earn some people get in debt .. you just do whatever you feel is best for you.

Radiator nope, you aren't the only one who does that.

We were talking about it this weekend with DH. How we were looking forward to go away for several weekends at different places in the UK. But it's camping, YHA and events organised through a sport DH and the dcs do (think sleeping in a big sport hall with all the other competitors).
Most people we know would balk at that idea and wouldn't be content with anything less than a B&B or a hotel/holiday cottage etc...
We don't go skiing or have 2 weeks in the sun every year, let alone a big holiday far away (last one was more than 13 years ago, before we had the dcs)

In the same way, very few people have cars as old as ours, even people on much lower wages than us.
We chose. We chose not to buy a car with a credit but to save for it. So we have older cars but no debts.

Etc etc

Post marking for later

I agree that a weekend in Barbados is madness anyway regardless of finance

I wouldn't enjoy it - I wouldn't go long-haul for less than 10 days - takes that long to get over the flight!

You'ld be travelling longer than you're there if you include airport transfers etc

Tell your friend it's a very luxury holiday/hen d that you can't afford now the if she is a good friend she will understand, there isn't a need to block her. Her spending is also none of your business, if you have the same lifestyle and habit and hobby etc then it's great otherwise like most of us we are all different and have different priority in life.

I really don't like people care too much how could I afford things and how much do we earn. We are generous to our friends and never borrow anyone money(even lending when needed) then it's none of their business. Spending is also each and everone's business, we have so much done with our house and we hired the best. Our friends are all diy and they were wondering how could we afford. Jealousy even comes worse when you have children and you want the best for them and often want them to do better than any of your friends. Then there is a different game when they don't share their experiences, what they know.
It's always a comparison/competition till the rest of our life between us and our friends, sometimes it's sweet, many time it's bitter. I recently stop using facebook as I can't stand some unreal boasting which might damage my real friendship. It's hard to stay cool and accept the part of the game we are in

I always wondered how a work colleaugue could afford her lifestyle. Three kids, low paid part time work and partner in low paid unpredictble work. they had 2 or 3 foreign holidays a year plus short Uk breaks. Turns out they bought their house for next to nothing years ago and did it up themselves so they have next to no mortgage. So their wages plus generous tax credits means they can afford a lifestyle you wouldn't expect them to be able to.

I think the issue isn't that much about how much you care about what other people can afford.
It's more about the fact you can look at what you have, how you can struggle to do the things you really want to do and be sad you can't do the extravagant things other seems to be able to do (Going to Barbados for a hen do IS extravagant!)