To wonder how people afford things?

[FluffleFloffle]

I've recently qualified into a profession that has a reputation for being well-paid, however, this is simply not the case and especially not true of those newly qualified.
While I was studying, I worked part-time as a careworker for minimum wage where I met my friend also working as a part-time careworker. She is still there, working the same hours.
Recently, she invited me to her hen do in Barbados! I couldn't afford it so went along to a separate do for her held in London, which still cost quite a bit. There were a few comments made like 'so and so managed to get money together for Barbados and she has 3 kids, such a person afforded it and she's in debt so it's strange that certain other ppl couldn't make the effort'

She is returning to Barbados before September and posted one of those countdown screenshots of her calendar on FB over the weekend and has trips to Rome, Paris and Barcelona planned for the next two months too. She also posted pics from the Barbados hen do with a thank you msg to her 'true friends' for making the effort to go

I know I ABU to compare myself to others financially and it's none of my business but I just can't get my head around it all. Her fiancé has a minimum wage job and I'm not aware of any other income yet she has these super holidays. Meanwhile, I haven't been abroad for about 5 years as I just can't afford it but she clearly thinks I should be able to. I don't have debts (other than student) and live very carefully but could never afford her lifestyle. I probably sound like a jealous cow now but am just wondering how others have nice holidays and trips on a low income?

[TheCrumpettyTree]

Credit? In debt?

Who the hell goes to Barbados for a hen weekend anyway. The passive aggressive 'true friends' comment makes her a twat.

[whois]

Parents, partner, debt, drug dealing, other dodgy side business, very low cost of living in other ways.

[virryn]

I think its all about what you want to do really. Some of our friends are forever saying they can't afford to do things but really what this often seems to mean when we chat about it more is that they would like to do such and such ( a holiday for example ) but won't but that ahead of say, having a decent food budget for 2/3 months.

Me and hubby went to New York just after our wedding and honestly spent an arm and a leg but most of it was done with credit cards that we then had to pay back, you might find your friends are in the process of spending the money rather than paying it back ;) We all skimp on different things, I'm guilty of pulling money away from household expenses if I wan to do an activity, I'll budget the healthiest cost friendly meals for 90 days to squeeze a week away with my family into the plans.

Its not always the most 'sensible' but some people choose to do it. Whatever makes you happy. But you will probably find that theres things in your life that they dont have because of the finacial decisions they decide to make.

[expatinscotland]

Then those people wouldn't be my friends, Screen. The question to me wouldn't be how she affords this but why I am wasting my time with someone who's not really a friend.

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

Did anyone see the documentary about Richard Branson's (creepy) super expensive resort that millionaires go to?

There was a couple on there who lived modest lives back home, the husband worked full time in a job that was just above min wage. The wife had inherited millions but they didn't really see themselves as fitting in with the new money set or something, so they lived their "normal" lives at home, and then spent 100k a year or whatever it was to go on this one amazing holiday!

[mysteriousbat]

I used to work with a lady who appeared to have endless streams of money and would buy numerous outfits, expensive hair extensions and dyes, nails done, holidays abroad more than once a year, designer handbags and expensive make up. I still don't know how she did it, she worked part time and although her partner was well paid it still wouldnt easily cover the cost. I expect it must have been credit.
It's not unreasonable to wonder how she affords it. It is unreasonable of her reaction to those who didn't go

[shovetheholly]

Your friend is being an arse to make comments about you not being able to afford a hen do in Barbados!!

I think some people have a lot of family help (handouts or inheritance), some have lots of debt, some work hard to stretch every quid to the utmost, some are canny about booking deals. I have even known some people book 'hen dos' where everyone else's contribution covers theirs, so theirs is effectively free. I suggest the last might explain why she's being pissy with you for not coming along!!

[virryn]

^ Sorry about the amount of typos above its driving me insane but I didn't notice till pressing enter, hope you can make sense of it anyway!

[Catvsworld]

A lot of people live in credit debt

My sister has a massive house in London her mortgage is almost double want our is for a smaller home she has a band new Land Rover she pays about 400 a month for it I have a car paid outright in cash a money van we saved two years for

we have never owned a credit card my sister has 3

[Catvsworld]

Also some people it's front they drive a BMW but sit on milk crates at home 😬

[sharknad0]

It could be anything, savings, inheritance, (small-ish) lottery win, debts.

It depends where they live, how much they spend on basics every month. If you don't spend much of 2 salaries a month, you can afford quite a few nice holidays. They would already have £20k tax free a year for a start!

It also depends on the kind of vacation they take. I have friends who go away every month, but take very cheap holidays, stay in crap hotel and spend lovely days on the beach and nights partying. I prefer accommodation that are better than my own house, so I holiday less but spend a lot more.

Some people are happy to buy second hand designer clothes on ebay, they love labels but can't afford them. It doesn't mean they have more money than someone shopping in Primark.

Commenting on your finance was rude, nasty and completely unnecessary.

[Kitsa]

She sounds horrible!

[Miloarmadillo1]

A lot of people just have eye watering amounts of debt and no savings. A friend of mine has been living the life of Riley for years whilst being a SAHM and I've always wondered how they managed it since her DH earns in the same ballpark as mine, I'm working so we have 2 incomes and we holiday in a tent. It turns out they are £35k in debt and have wiped out all the equity they had in their property.
Even if you were loaded and had unlimited annual leave, it doesn't sound like pandering to her ridiculous bridezilla demands would be a good idea.

[FinallyHere]

Comparison is the thief of joy.

There, I said it, even though I knew I was channelling my mother.

[earlgreydrinker]

No matter how she affords it who seriously goes to a hen do in Barbados?

[toffeeboffin]

Credit, plain and simple.

We know people who have several holidays a year, run two cars, massive home renovations etc etc. How do they do it? Credit.

Which they will have to pay eventually.

We concentrate on paying the mortgage and paying into retirement fund when we can.

[CaptainCrunch]

A lot of people are up to their eyes in debt. In a past life I had outstanding credit card debt of £5K, about 3 unsecured loans (all on a very good low interest rate thankfully) amounting to about £20K and a never-ending overdraft of about £3K.

It was horrible. We came into money about 2 years ago and paid everything off with a reasonable amount left over but it's frighteningly easy to get into that state.

[notonyurjellybellynelly]

I dont think for a minute the OP is jealous of her friend's spending power. I think its all about the fact she feels like shit because not being able to afford to go means there have been some pretty pointed remarks made about 'true friends' and its got her thinking about how do people manage it.

[FluffleFloffle]

shovetheholly I never even thought of that, could be on to something there!

It was the hen who made the comments about other ppl 'not making the effort', she said it at the London hen do not on FB but then made the other PA comments on FB too. It was the way she genuinely believed everyone could afford Barbados if they wanted to, like it was a choice I had made to not go rather than it not even being a possibility. The comments made me then question why I can't afford it which naturally turned to me wondering how others, in particular the hen, can afford it.

I'd be happy to travel cheaply and see more places rather than put a lot aside for fewer, more extravagant holidays but neither are an option right now. It doesn't seem like she travels cheaply though, hotels & villas rather than hostels.

[BasinHaircut]

2 issues here OP.

Firstly, I cannot stand the sort of people who think that their hen/stag or wedding (or both) is much more important than the rest of everyone elses lives.

When I was early twenties, good full time job, single and lived at home I might have considered a hen weekend in barbados because 'why not?' I had disposable income and no commitments or responsibilities.

Now, I am older and wiser, work reduced hours, have a husband and child, and a mortgage and LOTS of other bills to pay. I might still be able to 'afford it', but at the expense of other things such as holidays and days out with my family, nice food, the luxuries that I choose for myself.

Fck that. people who expect others to give up any of that are twts and you are better off just dropping them.

Secondly, there are a number of ways that people afford these lifestyles without it being immediately obvious. Unfortunately (for them) credit is the most common.

I am early thirties and it seems that most of my generation have grown up without a true sense of the value of money. I think we are the ones who were given credit so easily when we were just old enough and I even remember credit card recruiters at our freshers fayre at uni, signing us all up for even more free money debt. I know lots of people my age who have declared voluntary bankrupcy because there is no other way out.

Luckily i have always been a tight arse fairly conservative with money.

[ShebaShimmyShake]

I once asked a co worker on the same salary as me how she afforded her endless foreign holidays, new clothes, car and flatshare in a very desirable area ( I was diplomatic and the conversation naturally turned that way). She cheerfully told me she was thousands of pounds in debt but as long as she paid off the monthly minimum, there were no wolves at the door and she didn't care.

[EveryoneElsie]

After the 'certain person' comments I'd have seen through her and blocked her.
Good friends don't pull these bullshit stunts.

[ChristmasZombie]

Holy shit, a hen do in Barbados?? That's insane!
It's got to be credit cards and loans.

I have a dreadful habit of comparing my frugal but really rather nice life to others who seem to be doing better. Mark Zuckerberg and his hellish creation have enabled this behaviour further.

[houseHuntinginmanchester]

Questions like this really wind me up.

I recently had a 'good' friends face drop and asking me incredulously 'but where did you get all that money?' When I answered her question about how much our deposit was for our new house. And this is someone who knows that DH works every hour God sends and I am always always alone with the dc throughout a school week and holidays. We also haven't been on holiday since 2014. (Unlike her who has done a Disney land and long haul holiday last year).

People never look for what others are cutting back on or where they're sacrificing. They just see their end goal and get all weird and shit.

[OnceThereWasThisGirlWho]

The hen do in Barbados and snarky comments is just ridiculous. YANBU on that score!

And was the debt comment about her or someone else? If it's her, there's your answer.

However... People are often baffled at other's spending relative to income. It all depends on what people prioritise, what they consider essential etc. It's easy to burn through quite a lot of money without noticing, little things adding up, if you're used to having a certain amount. I mean, people survivie on the dole (just), so someone going from JSA to your income might be so used to a basic lifestyle they find it easy to save, for example. When I set off backpacking in my 20s it was assumed by some people that (imaginary) rich parents were helping me pay for it! Er, no - I saved hard and only bought essentials. But friends who earnt more than me would say they wanted to travel but never save up for it, they didn't think they earnt enough to spare.

YANBU to wonder, though.