To wonder how people afford things?

[FluffleFloffle]

I've recently qualified into a profession that has a reputation for being well-paid, however, this is simply not the case and especially not true of those newly qualified.
While I was studying, I worked part-time as a careworker for minimum wage where I met my friend also working as a part-time careworker. She is still there, working the same hours.
Recently, she invited me to her hen do in Barbados! I couldn't afford it so went along to a separate do for her held in London, which still cost quite a bit. There were a few comments made like 'so and so managed to get money together for Barbados and she has 3 kids, such a person afforded it and she's in debt so it's strange that certain other ppl couldn't make the effort'

She is returning to Barbados before September and posted one of those countdown screenshots of her calendar on FB over the weekend and has trips to Rome, Paris and Barcelona planned for the next two months too. She also posted pics from the Barbados hen do with a thank you msg to her 'true friends' for making the effort to go

I know I ABU to compare myself to others financially and it's none of my business but I just can't get my head around it all. Her fiancé has a minimum wage job and I'm not aware of any other income yet she has these super holidays. Meanwhile, I haven't been abroad for about 5 years as I just can't afford it but she clearly thinks I should be able to. I don't have debts (other than student) and live very carefully but could never afford her lifestyle. I probably sound like a jealous cow now but am just wondering how others have nice holidays and trips on a low income?

[PlayingGrownUp]

It reminds me of a drunken argument from a few years ago. There was 3 of us longtime childhood friends in our mid 20s. A was a professional on 2 X my wages and living in a very expensive part of the country. B was in the middle of qualifying and had just gotten engaged. I live in a rather poor part of the country on just above minimum wage which is livable in my area. A complained how I was able to rent a 3 bed house when she couldn't afford a flat. We pointed out rent is less than half of where she was.

Recently the same issue came up again. B qualified and got married and had a baby. I bought a house. A gives off that it's not fair we could afford to this and she couldn't. We pointed out she goes away for the weekend every few months, lives in a very expensive area and has a brand new car every two years. Different strokes for different folks but if you start comparing how friends spend money life gets messy.

[Whitecovers]

I'd tell her you could afford it but didn't think it was worth it. If she wants to bitch about you not going to Barbados for a hen weekend which is totally ridiculous then give her some back. She sounds like a weirdo.

[FluffleFloffle]

Jessie that's a good way to approach it with the hen as I would genuinely like to know how she funds it all. I'll probably save that chat for when I've calmed down and she's stopped the sly digs!

We do live in the same area, had the same job, same sized family and are similar in how we do certain things like we would never eat at the most expensive restaurant or order the good wine anything over a tenner. It's just the regular holidays that majorly differs and confuses me.

Fortunately the wedding is a local affair, however, there is a strict gift list. Not entirely sure how it works but it has a list of gifts and a list of guests, once the guests have bought something it appears to cross off both the gift and guest. Needless to say I'm still glaringly uncrossed!

[Nannawifeofbaldr]

Wait a minute fluffle so the gift list actually highlights The guests who haven't bought from the list?

Goodness. These people have an 'interesting' perspective on good manners all round.

[19lottie82]

My DH and I go on at least one long haul holiday a year (not boasting just saying for the point of the argument) and we don't have any debt, neither do our parents pay for them.

We both work hard, have a modest house and have 8 and 12 year old cars, so no car payments.

It's priorities isn't it? My DH works very long hours as a mechanic so a decent 2 week holiday a years is the main time where we get to relax and spend time together.

[lalalalyra]

People used to raise an eyebrow at our expenditure because I worked term-time school hours so basically part time and DH's job at that time was averagely paid. We don't have any mortgage (on our house DH's first wife's insurance paid it when she died) costs and DH's job covered all of our bills. This meant that whilst my wage was only £500 per month it wasn't used on mortgage or council tax or anything like that. We were rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we had an unusually high amount of disposable income available until we had more children who go through it all now which meant we could do nice holidays and the likes.

[lalalalyra]

We weren't rich that was meant to say!

[FluffleFloffle]

Yes, Nanna. The list shows all guests and when they pay for the gift their name gets crossed off and a little thank you message added underneath. I've never seen it done before but then I've never seen any other wedding gift list either so wasn't sure how normal this was, it definitely adds the pressure to purchase something quickly though.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Goodness, Fluffle - I've never heard of anything like that either! And I've been to a few weddings in the electronic age, where one could buy gifts off a list online. Never seen one where the guests were linked to the gift list before! That's a very unpleasant new come-out, IMO. People don't necessarily want others to know what they've bought!

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

In no particular order.
She/her dp could be dealing.
She/her could be selling their body.
She/her dpcould be fraudulently claiming.
She/her DP could be a secret lottery winner
She/her dp could have been left an inheritance
She/her dp.could have a second job.
Or. It.could be that they are making sacrifices and are exceptional at saving money. There are such people

[HandbagCrazy]

Firstly she sounds tactless - the gift list thing is very grabby

Second - unless you ask, you're never going to know how she affords her holiday.

Third - if you want to see places, shop clever and don't be fooled by what you see on fb,
Me and DH love seeing new places and he's a serial FB poster so we've had lots of comments about us being paid too much / having a secret income etc. The truth is, we book late, fly on cheap airlines and stay in hostels the majority of the time. We also tend to arrange time off, set a budget then look at locations, rather than set our hearts on destinations and get frustrated we can't afford them ( for example I'm posting from Canada right now on bargain £270 flights)! There are ways of doing it without getting into debt

[Nataleejah]

Never been to Barbados so i can't comment on particular affordability.
But been on cruise holidays. Also received reactions 'how can you afford' type. One came from a family where everybody, including four children, have only the newest iphones, ipads, consoles, etc.
Well, we don't. We have a nice holiday instead. Plus we look for deals, discounts, packages, etc.

It was similar thing on a thread about private schools. People admit to being tight-fisted, dressing in rags, driving rustbuckets and camping in the fields.

[FluffleFloffle]

£270 flights wow you are good at finding the deals! Hope you're having a lovely time in Canada!

She's very boastful so a lottery win or inheritance can be ruled out I think as we would all know about it by now. She also holidays in odd ways too like she went to Paris and posted photos online, none of your usual Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triumph and so on, but all of the hotel and meals because they didn't bother going out and about, just stayed in their hotel and nearby restaurants. Why bother???

I will have to ask at some point, save my sanity.

[DownUnderBound]

Most of my friends do stuff like this, usually funded by credit cards etc or overdrafts