To wonder how people afford things?

[FluffleFloffle]

I've recently qualified into a profession that has a reputation for being well-paid, however, this is simply not the case and especially not true of those newly qualified.
While I was studying, I worked part-time as a careworker for minimum wage where I met my friend also working as a part-time careworker. She is still there, working the same hours.
Recently, she invited me to her hen do in Barbados! I couldn't afford it so went along to a separate do for her held in London, which still cost quite a bit. There were a few comments made like 'so and so managed to get money together for Barbados and she has 3 kids, such a person afforded it and she's in debt so it's strange that certain other ppl couldn't make the effort'

She is returning to Barbados before September and posted one of those countdown screenshots of her calendar on FB over the weekend and has trips to Rome, Paris and Barcelona planned for the next two months too. She also posted pics from the Barbados hen do with a thank you msg to her 'true friends' for making the effort to go

I know I ABU to compare myself to others financially and it's none of my business but I just can't get my head around it all. Her fiancé has a minimum wage job and I'm not aware of any other income yet she has these super holidays. Meanwhile, I haven't been abroad for about 5 years as I just can't afford it but she clearly thinks I should be able to. I don't have debts (other than student) and live very carefully but could never afford her lifestyle. I probably sound like a jealous cow now but am just wondering how others have nice holidays and trips on a low income?

[DownUnderBound]

Most of my friends do stuff like this, usually funded by credit cards etc or overdrafts

[FluffleFloffle]

£270 flights wow you are good at finding the deals! Hope you're having a lovely time in Canada!

She's very boastful so a lottery win or inheritance can be ruled out I think as we would all know about it by now. She also holidays in odd ways too like she went to Paris and posted photos online, none of your usual Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triumph and so on, but all of the hotel and meals because they didn't bother going out and about, just stayed in their hotel and nearby restaurants. Why bother???

I will have to ask at some point, save my sanity.

[Nataleejah]

Never been to Barbados so i can't comment on particular affordability.
But been on cruise holidays. Also received reactions 'how can you afford' type. One came from a family where everybody, including four children, have only the newest iphones, ipads, consoles, etc.
Well, we don't. We have a nice holiday instead. Plus we look for deals, discounts, packages, etc.

It was similar thing on a thread about private schools. People admit to being tight-fisted, dressing in rags, driving rustbuckets and camping in the fields.

[HandbagCrazy]

Firstly she sounds tactless - the gift list thing is very grabby

Second - unless you ask, you're never going to know how she affords her holiday.

Third - if you want to see places, shop clever and don't be fooled by what you see on fb,
Me and DH love seeing new places and he's a serial FB poster so we've had lots of comments about us being paid too much / having a secret income etc. The truth is, we book late, fly on cheap airlines and stay in hostels the majority of the time. We also tend to arrange time off, set a budget then look at locations, rather than set our hearts on destinations and get frustrated we can't afford them ( for example I'm posting from Canada right now on bargain £270 flights)! There are ways of doing it without getting into debt

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

In no particular order.
She/her dp could be dealing.
She/her could be selling their body.
She/her dpcould be fraudulently claiming.
She/her DP could be a secret lottery winner
She/her dp could have been left an inheritance
She/her dp.could have a second job.
Or. It.could be that they are making sacrifices and are exceptional at saving money. There are such people

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Goodness, Fluffle - I've never heard of anything like that either! And I've been to a few weddings in the electronic age, where one could buy gifts off a list online. Never seen one where the guests were linked to the gift list before! That's a very unpleasant new come-out, IMO. People don't necessarily want others to know what they've bought!

[FluffleFloffle]

Yes, Nanna. The list shows all guests and when they pay for the gift their name gets crossed off and a little thank you message added underneath. I've never seen it done before but then I've never seen any other wedding gift list either so wasn't sure how normal this was, it definitely adds the pressure to purchase something quickly though.

[lalalalyra]

We weren't rich that was meant to say!

[lalalalyra]

People used to raise an eyebrow at our expenditure because I worked term-time school hours so basically part time and DH's job at that time was averagely paid. We don't have any mortgage (on our house DH's first wife's insurance paid it when she died) costs and DH's job covered all of our bills. This meant that whilst my wage was only £500 per month it wasn't used on mortgage or council tax or anything like that. We were rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we had an unusually high amount of disposable income available until we had more children who go through it all now which meant we could do nice holidays and the likes.

[19lottie82]

My DH and I go on at least one long haul holiday a year (not boasting just saying for the point of the argument) and we don't have any debt, neither do our parents pay for them.

We both work hard, have a modest house and have 8 and 12 year old cars, so no car payments.

It's priorities isn't it? My DH works very long hours as a mechanic so a decent 2 week holiday a years is the main time where we get to relax and spend time together.

[Nannawifeofbaldr]

Wait a minute fluffle so the gift list actually highlights The guests who haven't bought from the list?

Goodness. These people have an 'interesting' perspective on good manners all round.

[FluffleFloffle]

Jessie that's a good way to approach it with the hen as I would genuinely like to know how she funds it all. I'll probably save that chat for when I've calmed down and she's stopped the sly digs!

We do live in the same area, had the same job, same sized family and are similar in how we do certain things like we would never eat at the most expensive restaurant or order the good wine anything over a tenner. It's just the regular holidays that majorly differs and confuses me.

Fortunately the wedding is a local affair, however, there is a strict gift list. Not entirely sure how it works but it has a list of gifts and a list of guests, once the guests have bought something it appears to cross off both the gift and guest. Needless to say I'm still glaringly uncrossed!

[Whitecovers]

I'd tell her you could afford it but didn't think it was worth it. If she wants to bitch about you not going to Barbados for a hen weekend which is totally ridiculous then give her some back. She sounds like a weirdo.

[PlayingGrownUp]

It reminds me of a drunken argument from a few years ago. There was 3 of us longtime childhood friends in our mid 20s. A was a professional on 2 X my wages and living in a very expensive part of the country. B was in the middle of qualifying and had just gotten engaged. I live in a rather poor part of the country on just above minimum wage which is livable in my area. A complained how I was able to rent a 3 bed house when she couldn't afford a flat. We pointed out rent is less than half of where she was.

Recently the same issue came up again. B qualified and got married and had a baby. I bought a house. A gives off that it's not fair we could afford to this and she couldn't. We pointed out she goes away for the weekend every few months, lives in a very expensive area and has a brand new car every two years. Different strokes for different folks but if you start comparing how friends spend money life gets messy.

[HappyNevertheless]

I think the issue isn't that much about how much you care about what other people can afford.
It's more about the fact you can look at what you have, how you can struggle to do the things you really want to do and be sad you can't do the extravagant things other seems to be able to do (Going to Barbados for a hen do IS extravagant!)

[Babyroobs]

I always wondered how a work colleaugue could afford her lifestyle. Three kids, low paid part time work and partner in low paid unpredictble work. they had 2 or 3 foreign holidays a year plus short Uk breaks. Turns out they bought their house for next to nothing years ago and did it up themselves so they have next to no mortgage. So their wages plus generous tax credits means they can afford a lifestyle you wouldn't expect them to be able to.

[Greenleave]

Tell your friend it's a very luxury holiday/hen d that you can't afford now the if she is a good friend she will understand, there isn't a need to block her. Her spending is also none of your business, if you have the same lifestyle and habit and hobby etc then it's great otherwise like most of us we are all different and have different priority in life.

I really don't like people care too much how could I afford things and how much do we earn. We are generous to our friends and never borrow anyone money(even lending when needed) then it's none of their business. Spending is also each and everone's business, we have so much done with our house and we hired the best. Our friends are all diy and they were wondering how could we afford. Jealousy even comes worse when you have children and you want the best for them and often want them to do better than any of your friends. Then there is a different game when they don't share their experiences, what they know.
It's always a comparison/competition till the rest of our life between us and our friends, sometimes it's sweet, many time it's bitter. I recently stop using facebook as I can't stand some unreal boasting which might damage my real friendship. It's hard to stay cool and accept the part of the game we are in

[ScreenshottingIsNotJournalism]

I agree that a weekend in Barbados is madness anyway regardless of finance

I wouldn't enjoy it - I wouldn't go long-haul for less than 10 days - takes that long to get over the flight!

You'ld be travelling longer than you're there if you include airport transfers etc

[PlayingGrownUp]

Post marking for later

[HappyNevertheless]

Radiator nope, you aren't the only one who does that.

We were talking about it this weekend with DH. How we were looking forward to go away for several weekends at different places in the UK. But it's camping, YHA and events organised through a sport DH and the dcs do (think sleeping in a big sport hall with all the other competitors).
Most people we know would balk at that idea and wouldn't be content with anything less than a B&B or a hotel/holiday cottage etc...
We don't go skiing or have 2 weeks in the sun every year, let alone a big holiday far away (last one was more than 13 years ago, before we had the dcs)

In the same way, very few people have cars as old as ours, even people on much lower wages than us.
We chose. We chose not to buy a car with a credit but to save for it. So we have older cars but no debts.

Etc etc

[mothermother]

my husband is a window fitter and earns roughly £1k per week no holiday pay no sick pay etc and we can afford to put aside £500 per week in to savings which covers our holidays. we have four children so if we wanted to we could go to more exotic places but honestly i can't imagine nothing worse than being on a plane for more than four hours with them! and i had someone ask us how we can afford to live the life 'we live' lol everyone had different priorities, some people save more and live on less some people spend everything they earn some people get in debt .. you just do whatever you feel is best for you.

[Radiatorvalves]

Re-reading that, I sound like a completely tight git! I'm not, but I don't want to waste money and I am keen to pay our (horrendous London) mortgage down with any spare cash.

[Radiatorvalves]

We both earn 6 figure salaries and I wouldn't go on a weekend to Barbados. I've had a number of family weddings in Europe this year, and have flown Ryanair, and used BA points...

We have had one flash holiday (US) in the last 10 years. We have also been to France a lot (we own a small house there), and stayed with a friend in the Middle East. I had a long weekend in Morocco funded by winning a competition in a newspaper. None of it was bought on credit - I couldn't do that, and fortunately I am not in a position where I have to.

The hen sounds incredibly rude. By the way, my hen do was a night out in Portsmouth where I lived at the time. Great fun! I was conscious that a number of my friends didn't have the money to spend on a jolly jape.

[ThinkPinkStink]

It's got to all be bought on credit, surely?

DH and I earn decent salaries, there is no way in hell I'd be able to justify a Barbados hen night, not even for my very best friend or sister. There are just so many other things I'd rather spend money on first.

[SissySpacekAteMyHamster]

I have friends who max out credit cards for holidays. Myself and DH save up for things.

I hate the idea of unnecessary debt. They just seem happy to keep remortgaging.

Different priorities.