Invited on pricey stag weekend but not to the wedding? AIBU?

[Remm89]

Morning All!

Need some advice about stag/wedding invites …….

A couple, that both my fiancé and I went to school with and know fairly well, are getting married in Autumn.

We knew from mutual friends that save-the-dates went out earlier this year and neither of us were surprised to not make the short list - weddings are expensive and they aren't close friends.

This weekend however the groom has invited my fiancé on the stag weekend for October half term.

The stag is a 5 day trip to Germany (I believe Berlin)!!

My fiancé mentioned it on Saturday night to me and both agreed that we can't afford it as we are saving for our own wedding in 2017.

Anyway, fiancé has just woken up to an email from the best man which reads…

"Hey X,
Good to catch up yesterday. Know things might be tight at the moment so hope this will help. I will be EPIC! "

And attached is the receipt for EasyJet flights in my fiancé's name! He had no idea!!!

My fiancé is mortified but doesn't know what to do?

AIBU? This is ridiculous right?!?!

I think the best man decided that he wanted some of his own good mates along on the stag do, because maybe he's not such a fan of the groom's friends? Has to invite them of course, but thought he'd get a couple of his own good friends too - hence the invitation to the OP's OH. AND the keenness to get him to come along, to the extent of trying to pay for him.

Nice to be wanted so much, in some ways, but not very appropriate under the circs. I wouldn't go either.

If you are not close enough to be invited to the wedding YOU ARE DEFINITELY not close enough for the stag do. What a load of shite.

nope sounds like they have got caught up in the excitement and what he may think is generous is actually not practical for you and your family, just say lovely gesture but we can't accept, thanks. I was invited to a wedding once , I had started work on the Tuesday, the guys wedding was on the Saturday, I only sat next to him on the Weds, (sorry going a bit Craig David on you) and got an invite for me +1 to make up the numbers! So sometimes I reckon people want to create false memories and hark back to times with a sentiment that just never existed. I didn't go, so you don;t have to, plus what's the worst that could happen, you never see them again they are so insulted, you aren't close and he shouldn't have made the presumption however good willing it was, here's a £25 flight now bring 680 quid spending money, and have a week off work, er nope.

Crikey! What a strange thing to do. What reason did you DH give for not attending?

5 days abroad for a stag do?! What happened to a pub crawl?! The flights aren't the issue, it's presumptuous for them to expect him to take time off work, potentially interfering with his own holidays, for a stag do when he is not even invited to the wedding. Not to mention the additional costs of accommodation, food and drink etc.

Your fiance should just say something like:
"I'm afraid I still can't make it, I wish you had checked with me before booking the tickets but hopefully you can get the names changed so you can still use them."

Maybe he could blame not being able to get time off work as if he mentions financial reasons the best man might try to problem solve by paying for something else and it will just get awkward. They may mean well but they put him in a difficult position by not discussing this with him.

LOL! I smell a rat...

Aquaintances don't just buy acquaintances flight tickets! I reckon it went something like this...

Few drinks, getting along "hey come to my EPIC stag do?"

"The Mrs would never let me / money / family etc etc"

"Tell her I've bought your ticket. She'll never know."

"Great plan mate, yeah beer and tits!"

I've known blokes do it before. One friend went to Vegas on that old chestnut. Sorry.

He just needs to say no really. Like others has said some Easy Jet flight costing £150 or so is a drop in the ocean compare to 5 nights in a hotel along with beer, food and other antics.

Would guess that maybe the groom and best man have 5 days to spend on a stag night but for most people this is a bit long and expensive.

Had the same with mine, started off with Vegas as the venue, but found it was either too expensive or too long a trip for most people so had to refine things!

Outrageous! But how did the BM manage to book flights unless he had your DP's passport details? Can you do it without?

Ah, no, I think you only need PP no for check in...

Swimming against a chilly tide...but i am amazed by the outrage..

It sounds like your fiance declined by saying he'd love to go but he couldn't afford it - in which case buying him a ticket and presenting it as a done deal seems like a pretty nice thing to do.

I don't buy the idea that BM paid for his ticket to up the numbers, or even to apply some kind of covert pressure - return flights to Berlin and back aren't much shy of £100-£150.

And, y'know, to generalise, but given that this was a male person organising it, perhaps the nuances of the wedding invitation list didn't really figure in his thinking.

I'd tell him to go and see if I could come along, five days in Berlin sounds awesome ;)

ps - Berlin's pretty cheap!!

Clearly the best man had some trouble convincing other more mature and sensible men to spend 5 days in Berlin.

I say go for it! If you can pull the funds together and it doesn't take money from the family summer holiday if you have one planned, then I would say to DH to not waste the (misguided) gesture and go and have some craic. I've 3 small kids and I think I'd be tempted to say no way for selfish reasons but actually thinking about it would want him to go and enjoy himself.

ElodieS sorry not sure if that was asking me or if it was just that it was right under my post, my reason was that I had only spoke to him once and I wasn't rent a guest ha ha!

Oh sod it now I say go if he wants and he'll enjoy himself , but I may be swayed by AllTheDwarves rather strong smelling rat theory!

Thanks for your comments.

I will try and answer some of you….

Polly we haven't had a holiday for 2 years and def can't afford one in 2016 as we are saving for our own wedding - nice thought though!

AllTheDwarves My OH and the best man are good mates and have been for years, so it wasn't just a random person organising the stag. …. Oh and I saw the ticket the morning he got the email - my OH was pissed! And not acting!

To the best of my knowledge the groom still has no idea this has all happened.

My OH is pretty annoyed about it - he is a very proud person and it is insulted that he seen as a charity project (I know the BM probably meant in a nice way) and in need of gestures like this.

Male ego has been dented - OH is not a happy bunny.

God I just don't get the extended stag and hen thing. An old friend worked in the City. A colleague invited friend to her hen party - a week in the Caribbean. Was really put out that she declined. Couldn't get her head round the idea that friend might not want to give up a quarter of her annual leave so she could get pissed with strangers (and without her partner). They weren't even close friends FFS.

Ryanair flights to Berlin at the moment for September are £27 return so if it's Ryanair flights I wouldn't lose any sleep over the BM having paid.