Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Invited on pricey stag weekend but not to the wedding? AIBU?

143 replies

Remm89 · 30/05/2016 08:55

Morning All!

Need some advice about stag/wedding invites …….

A couple, that both my fiancé and I went to school with and know fairly well, are getting married in Autumn.

We knew from mutual friends that save-the-dates went out earlier this year and neither of us were surprised to not make the short list - weddings are expensive and they aren't close friends.

This weekend however the groom has invited my fiancé on the stag weekend for October half term.

The stag is a 5 day trip to Germany (I believe Berlin)!!

My fiancé mentioned it on Saturday night to me and both agreed that we can't afford it as we are saving for our own wedding in 2017.

Anyway, fiancé has just woken up to an email from the best man which reads…

"Hey X,
Good to catch up yesterday. Know things might be tight at the moment so hope this will help. I will be EPIC! "

And attached is the receipt for EasyJet flights in my fiancé's name! He had no idea!!!

My fiancé is mortified but doesn't know what to do?

AIBU? This is ridiculous right?!?!

OP posts:
EverySongbirdSays · 31/05/2016 18:46

RTFT - good on your OH just placemarking until he gets a reply.

I too, thought I lived in a different world to the rest of MN until a recent cheeky request

I think a real egocentric culture has built and is continuing to gain pace about people expecting others to make their milestone moments an "experience" akin to that lived by celebrities.

scarlets · 31/05/2016 18:53

So impertinent! Good enough for the stag but not the wedding? Pffffft.

Oliviacolemansshriek · 31/05/2016 18:58

Maybe the BM is organising it all without the groom's input and has assumed you and DP are going to the wedding.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 31/05/2016 19:00

Your dh might want to add "By the way, did you realise that is half term week? Flights and accommodation will be double their usual price and leave from work a rare commodity"

Gide · 31/05/2016 19:12

I don't get this whole entitled must have a massive stag/hen do. The last wedding I went to cost the bridesmaids a bloody fortune and the hen do was ridiculous-limo, day out, outfit with hat needed, proper picnic box needed, hated the activity, tried to decline and was told I couldn't as the friend would be mortally offended.

Thank Christ I wasn't a bridesmaid, who paid for their own dresses, adjustments, shoes, make up, hair, two nights stay in a very expensive hotel even though the venue was about ten minutes from their houses. Bonkers.

Original poster
Remm89 · 31/05/2016 19:14

Evening everyone!

OH isn't home from work yet - joys of London commuting! He should be in about 8pm so will update if there are any developments.

Hahaha yes my OH did sign if off with a kiss - that's just what he's like!

Half term was the deliberate choice as several people (including the Best Man) are teachers……. not all the teachers are minted - that's just the Best Man.

Personally I think the Groom has no idea about this…… I think the Best Man just really wants my OH there as he's normally a good laugh on a night out.

OP posts:
BuntyCalls · 31/05/2016 19:25

Does the best man know that your OH isn't invited to the wedding?

cariboo · 31/05/2016 19:32

What honeysuckle jasmine said.

Original poster
Remm89 · 31/05/2016 19:41

Good point BuntyCalls….

I'm not actually sure but I would have thought so……. like I said all the save-the-dates went out ages ago so would have thought he would know we weren't invited.

OP posts:
paniniswapx3 · 31/05/2016 19:46

How bizarre of the BM - I can see why your DP would feel like a charity case. I'm sure it was meant with the best of intentions though rather than to be patronising, if he is a good friend so hopefully no offence meant & none taken by the BM with the decline.

Catwaving · 31/05/2016 20:21

Place marking!

NomNomNominativeDeterminism · 31/05/2016 21:39

I went to the hen do of an old friend. She emailed widely to say sorry she was having a small wedding but please would everyone feel welcome to join her for a day of fun hen do stuff. I went for old times' sake and ended up at a small, joyless occasion with only people who were going to the wedding - felt like a right idiot and had a shit time. The up-side was that I also felt I'd paid my dues on the friendship and drew a line.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn · 31/05/2016 22:07

Wow that is presumptuous. Why would money be the only reason he didn't want to go! What did your OH say to him before this was booked? He may have been a bit vague or not firm enough about not going and unfortunately best man took it that he could be the knight in shining armour and save the day so your OH could go after all.

Original poster
Remm89 · 31/05/2016 22:32

So OH has just headed to bed so I can update you all……….

Best Man called him this afternoon to ask why he couldn't come…. he said that he was happy to help (implying financially) but my OH just cut it through and said it was no regardless.

I think the Best Man is a put out but they ended the call on friendly terms and agreed to meet up soon with other mutual friends (not the Groom's crew).

Boys! Honestly anyone who says all the wedding drama is caused by the bride is full of cobblers!

OP posts:
Lightbulbon · 31/05/2016 22:37

Ive been on 2 hen dos where I've not been invited to the wedding.

Is this quite unusual then?

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 31/05/2016 22:40

It seems utterly bizzarre to invite someone to the hen/stag and not the wedding

Original poster
Remm89 · 31/05/2016 22:43

I agree with Pan

We are getting married next year and the idea of having someone/people at my hen who aren't close enough to make the shortlist for the wedding seems weird to me.

Hen's (and stag's) are about celebrating with your closest mates - not distance friends.

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 31/05/2016 23:15

I wouldn't go to a hen do unless the bride wanted me at the wedding. I'd get the impression I was invited to keep costs down. Sod that!

The exception I think is colleagues, where you can have a work send off if they want to do that for you.

ridingsixwhitehorses · 31/05/2016 23:39

Dh and I had a shared hen and stag as so many mutual friends and he invited alone one of our much wider circle who hadn't been invited to wedding. I made him then invite him to the wedding as thought it was really odd to say you are good enough friend for the stag but not for the wedding. Dh thought I was overreacting (I was a bit cross!)

Original poster
Remm89 · 01/06/2016 06:24

I can see what you mean about the colleagues thing - but then that would probably be a local night out like a pub/restaurant and not an OTT abroad multi day trip!

I've only ever been to 2 hen's so far…….both have been in the UK but have cost at least £250 when you add up travel, accommodation, activities, drink etc …. and they have only been 24hrs long!

OP posts:
ftmsoon · 01/06/2016 06:55

IMO hen/stag dos are for your closest friends to meet your closest relations so they recognize each other on the big day and it's a bit less awkward. That was the thinking behind the invitees on my hen.
I'm glad your DP was able to cut the crap so efficiently!

irrepressibleRedhead · 01/06/2016 08:22

My now DH and I made a rule once we were engaged - no overnight stag or hen dos full stop. A total waste of money and too many weekends spent apart. It also makes it easy to turn down all ridiculous invitations, as we simply day "Sorry, we don't do overnight stags/hens but if you're having drinks locally/in London as well let me know." Done.

MissBattleaxe · 01/06/2016 09:29

I can see what you mean about the colleagues thing - but then that would probably be a local night out like a pub/restaurant and not an OTT abroad multi day trip!

Which is how it used to before the madness set in!

bigpigsmum · 01/06/2016 20:10

Oops, sorry had already booked to go away with my OWN Family as well as being with MY OWN family for the wedding... just saying

Sorry work in the wedding industry see this all the bloody time you should see the hen weekends that go on for weeks!

LisaC7 · 03/06/2016 12:50

Sounds like they meant well but not thought it through. Like many say it's the drinking and eating that costs and five days away on a stag is excessive for most. Also as not invited to the wedding well...
I'd contact groom to say thanks but it's still possible.