Invited on pricey stag weekend but not to the wedding? AIBU?

[Remm89]

Morning All!

Need some advice about stag/wedding invites …….

A couple, that both my fiancé and I went to school with and know fairly well, are getting married in Autumn.

We knew from mutual friends that save-the-dates went out earlier this year and neither of us were surprised to not make the short list - weddings are expensive and they aren't close friends.

This weekend however the groom has invited my fiancé on the stag weekend for October half term.

The stag is a 5 day trip to Germany (I believe Berlin)!!

My fiancé mentioned it on Saturday night to me and both agreed that we can't afford it as we are saving for our own wedding in 2017.

Anyway, fiancé has just woken up to an email from the best man which reads…

"Hey X,
Good to catch up yesterday. Know things might be tight at the moment so hope this will help. I will be EPIC! "

And attached is the receipt for EasyJet flights in my fiancé's name! He had no idea!!!

My fiancé is mortified but doesn't know what to do?

AIBU? This is ridiculous right?!?!

How weird?! And very presumptuous. I like your dh's response though, clear and concise.

I've noticed this is becoming more of a thing past few years. My DH has been invited to a few stag dos but not the weddings. He was invited on one because as the best man (the grooms brother and my dh's friend) put it 'the groom doesn't have many friends'. Well he had enough to invite to the wedding

My DH didn't go his choice of course, it didn't take me to point out the ridiculousness of the situation

This is a rude passive aggressive way of getting the non guests to come. It's clear that a 5 day trip to a pricey. European city is too much and too grabby but the best man is trying to save face because so many have dropped out.

This. It's also an unpleasantly condescending Lady (Lord?) Bountiful gesture which doesn't actually mean anything - he still has to pay for accommodation, drinks etc - but enables the best man to look as if he's Really Tried.

It's not that you can't afford it - you and your DP has decided that this isn't a priority for your spending right now, and rightly so. Besides, are they really expecting him to give up a fifth of his annual leave for this?

I started off wondering if perhaps your partner said there is no way my df would b ok with this cos we're saving up and it was some sort of ploy for your partner to justify it but have seen his response so I am obviously just very suspicious 😃

Great response. Short and sweet.

I am a 42-year old man and have been to shed loads of weddings. Aside from one stag do that was in Dublin (fly out Sat morning, stay over Sat night, back Sun) I don't know one friend that has had a stag or hen do that involved going abroad.

It never ceases to amaze me how often there are threads on MN about stags or hens taking place abroad for between 3-5 days and costing the earth. It's like I live in a parallel universe.

The person organising the stag should not have booked any tickets without taking a deposit from people to confirm their commitment to going

Group holidays - alot of people say YES when asked; directly, on phone or email. But when it comes to the deadline the excuses come thick and fast !
So this is a lesson in life, do not assume that when people say YES, they really mean YES
Of course alot of people would like to go, but money, time, other family commitments will stop them going in reality
In a pub, groom says to his mates, lets all go to Berlin for 5 days stag! of course all his mates will say yes... but reality strikes

He booked the tickets, he is stuck with them

Not being invited to the wedding !

I'm sure the Best Man meant well, he just wants the Groom & all their mates to have a god time. Sometimes people really don't see 'The Big Picture' and just solve the immediate issue. 'Bugger. DFRemm can't afford to come, it'd be great if he was there, ahh I can afford to get him there'. Nice gesture, but no forward thinking. It really doesn't hurt to assume the best, instead of the worst in people.

'Sorry mate, lovely thought but I'd still have to sell my granny to afford the booze! Hope you all have an EPIC time. Let's all have a good night out when you get back & you can all tell me your tall tales 😬'

"diddl the tickets can be bought and the passport info added at a later date"

Just me that has never done that!

Glad it's sorted Op!

Or rather, let's hope that it is!

God time 😁😁😁😁. Good time!

A stag do in Berlin will not be godly 😁

hi OP - this wouldn't be something your partner and the best man have cooked up as a way of hood winking you?
sorry for being so suspicious, but who the fuck goes and books someone a flight without them agreeing to it??

My OH is fuming - he def is not in on this plan. He said himself that he wasn't particularly bothered about attending as he isn't close mates with the groom.

The best man is very well off and I think my OH's pride has been dented a little as he now feels like a charity project.

There's been no reply from the best man to the earlier message yet. I will keep you posted

How bloody awkward.

Some people are very strange.

Farkin nell

I have known well paid "City boys" to pay for their less well off friends so they don't miss out. Stag Trips to Las Vegas and New York for example. Loads of stag weekends are in Amsterdam, Prague and places where booze is cheap. Easy Jet and Ryanair flights are full of stag and hen parties so it is perfectly normal. I do think 5 days is excessive and if this is 5 days of heavy drinking, it will cost. Very odd to invite someone to your stag do who is not going to the wedding!

I meant to say though, that the well off pay for nearly everything. One paid for a helicopter flight over Manhattan for his (very close friends) guests. Therefore it is a no brainier to accept.

Very presumptuous of the best man - but I can't really understand how he could book tickets in secret. You need to have the exact name that is on the passport don't you? Otherwise it's expense and hassle to change it. How did he know your DP doesn't have a little known middle name - Septimus Horatio Aloysius Cuntpuncher for eg?

Wow, I'm not surprised your OH isn't happy. Oddest thing to do! Bizarre

Good response from your OH, I wonder if best man will respond!

How strange. It really does sound like they are desperate to fill places. Being a newly wed myself I still can't see the need for these over the top stag and hen dos. My dh didn't have one as its just not his thing. I had a bridal shower with 14 of my friends in a hotel and had an afternoon tea. It cost £5 a head and was lovely. I had a bridal shower rather than a hen do as I can't drink due to meds. But even if I did I wouldn't have ever had a mini holiday for a hen do! It's got out of hand and no longer about celebrating the upcoming wedding but seems more about spending money. I didn't want my friends to have to spend money to celebrate with me. And I only invited people who were invited to my wedding!

Bestman is an idiot - flights are the cheapest part of the whole thing and he's made your DP feel like a charity project.

Your DP wasn't a close enough friend to invite to one day of wedding but is to 5 (FIVE!) days of stag do

So there's the annual leave commitment, the accommodation, the drink, activities etc etc etc - flights are pennies compared to all of that.

The whole weddings thing has got out of hand.

That's outrageous. I honestly think I must live in a different universe to most people on MN.

Your dh gives good text - that's the perfect response. Sorry to say but the best man sounds like he's either struggling a lot with this situation or is naturally a bit of a dick.